Motivation_Follows_Action Posted April 20, 2013 Report Share Posted April 20, 2013 I'm off tomorrow for a 2 week trip to Europe where I will be attending seminars and conducting client meetings and training. 6 months ago I was in Europe when my adderall addiction came to a screaming halt and ended me in a state of psychosis, on a side road in the middle of the night in Turkey. I haven't traveled since. Going back to the airport, doing the whole packing, plane trip, jet lag thing again fills me with anxiety as that was my life on adderall for months and months before I quit. When I think about waiting in airports and boarding planes I can almost taste the adderall in my mouth. Even though I don't crave adderall, I crave the familiarity of it, you know? I guess the habit of it. It's going to be hard not to pop an adderall when I have to wake at 3 in the morning EST when I'm in another country. I will have to survive on coffee; and I'm already exhausted so I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'm just ranting; I know I'm going to be ok - I just wanted to share a bit of my anxiety. Thanks for listening guys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted April 20, 2013 Report Share Posted April 20, 2013 First off, MFA it sounds like you have such a cool job!!! Already traveling to Europe, Didn't you just start? But think of this as an opportunity. Every time I have to do something that I used to associate with adderall, I TRY to think of it as an opportunity to rebuild self confidence and diminish that adderall association I have with it if that makes any sense. I think it is really good for us when we expose ourselves to situations we associated with adderall because each time we kind of diminish that psychological reliance. You will do awesome!! And have fun too! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted April 20, 2013 Report Share Posted April 20, 2013 It will seem a lot scarier in anticipation but in reality, you will discover a whole new world out there traveling without adderall. And it has to be better than your last experience right? Because it CANNOT possibly be worse. Try to see the wonders of the world traveling abroad -- you're golden. I'm jealous! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted April 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2013 Thanks guys. Nothing to be jealous of, really. Most of my time will be spent inside a conference room or banquet halls or taxis or airports. I'm not a great explorer on business trips because in my "natural" state, I find all the meeting and greeting people and being "on" for 12 hours a day in a country where I don't speak the language to be really exhausting. But IR, you're really right and your advice is great. Time to see this in a new light, as a chance to see myself in a new light, just as I have up until now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted April 20, 2013 Report Share Posted April 20, 2013 You will probably end up getting more out of it and being more effective then you expect, you're going to do fine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted April 20, 2013 Report Share Posted April 20, 2013 MFA, I think all of those feelings are natural since it's one of the biggest associations with adderall. Just know you're paving the way for me, and a lot of us on here, that we can accomplish situations that we're uncomfortable with. I'll be thinking if MFA can do that, then I can do this. You're an inspiration, my friend. So confident you'll be great! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted April 20, 2013 Report Share Posted April 20, 2013 MFA! You're so cool! Sounds fun!! I think once you get past that initial anxiety, you will probably have a much better experience now that you're off adderall! I used to do the adderall/plane combo on my bicoastal commute, and yeah I got a lot done on the plane but it was super claustrophobic, dehydrating, and exhausting. Social situations too-- havent done much business traveling but I find that adderall and those kinds of social interactions don't go so well together at least for me. Maybe you're different but I imagine you might be able to connect with people better now, and have a more chill experience overall. Waking up is going to suck. But at least there's coffee, and another night's sleep soon to follow. You'll be great! You're so lucky you get to do this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle_Chaos Posted April 20, 2013 Report Share Posted April 20, 2013 Thanks guys. Nothing to be jealous of, really. Most of my time will be spent inside a conference room or banquet halls or taxis or airports. I'm not a great explorer on business trips because in my "natural" state, I find all the meeting and greeting people and being "on" for 12 hours a day in a country where I don't speak the language to be really exhausting. But IR, you're really right and your advice is great. Time to see this in a new light, as a chance to see myself in a new light, just as I have up until now. Where are you going in Europe? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaturalBrainPower Posted April 21, 2013 Report Share Posted April 21, 2013 Good luck.. If you can do this w/o Adderall pretty much I think your confidence should be sky high from this point on (after the trip). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted April 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2013 Just saying a quick hello - it's 4am and I'm wide awake so why not?! Your thoughtfulness and kindness has been a real motivator - thank you! Yes there are times when I start nodding off and I think I missed an entire session on calculating CrOCI WACC because of mental for but so fat so good. I have met some nice people and although my charming people skills are still a bit rusty, at least in not just a total social weirdo or recluse. Oh and to celebrate a win with you, my team won a entire business simulation where your have to run the financials and all aspects of a company and they nominated me "CEO" of this fictitious company. Prize was Belgian chocolate ... Which I am devouring with gusto . It's working out really well and I am learning a lot about myself being myself on adderall. It's a tired self but more generally "together" and less framemted than last time I was on adderall. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted April 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2013 Oh - forgot to mention. I have a test today on accounting and financial acumen. First test I've taken in years and I'm surrounded by 25 year olds. Eeeek! I'm v nervous and kinda unprepared. Was supposed to read an entire text book on accounting rules but yep, kept falling asleep. Exam is this morning at 9:30, it's now 8am. Wish me luck but I am not expecting much... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted April 24, 2013 Report Share Posted April 24, 2013 Good luck! I've been wondering how it's going. You're doing this, woman. Proud of you! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted April 24, 2013 Report Share Posted April 24, 2013 You go girl !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted April 24, 2013 Report Share Posted April 24, 2013 Business simulations, accounting exams. MFA the stuff you are doing sounds just like what I'm doing but you are doing it in the real world! Sounds like you are getting stuff out of this experience and learning about how you are in this kind of setting which all adds up to a stronger self. Keep it up. Great hearing how you are doing over there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Posted April 25, 2013 Report Share Posted April 25, 2013 Go MFA! This is inspiring. I really like InRecovery's advice to think of these challenges as opportunities to rebuild self confidence doing something that you had previously strongly associated with adderall. I have a similar challenge coming up with a business trip next week. It's not international but still has associations for me of similar trips last year doing the airplane, the traveling in a new city, the conference, the whole thing with adderall. Reading this makes me feel more confident about it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted April 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2013 It's another late night but cat I can definitely tell you it just gets better and better. Actually connecting with people and making new friends. Being able to be vulnerable which I never could be when on adderall because I was either way too anxious or way too overconfident and disconnected. It's a nice feeling. Enjoy it! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted April 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2013 Just want to say I am reading these comments every morning and it is like a tonic. You guys rock. Thank you! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaturalBrainPower Posted April 26, 2013 Report Share Posted April 26, 2013 MFA your doing something I bet seemed impossible when you first quit doesn't it ? I have anxiety just stepping outside and your in a different country w/o addys. lol. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted April 28, 2013 Report Share Posted April 28, 2013 MFA, Any updates on your trip? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted May 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Hi guys, I'm back! Got in last night. The trip was fantastic. Exhausting, but fantastic. To know that I was able to perform under pressure, in an other country where I don't speak the language, and navigate my way around a new organization was great. I got an email from one of the Global Partners telling me I'm doing a great job integrating and my skills will be really valuable. I made a few new friends which I really loved connecting with. I had lots of fun, laughed a lot, and made some good business connections. All of this would never have happened if I'd been on adderall. I would have been reclusive, introverted, a bit of a weirdo. I would have obsessed over all the presentation details I needed to do and felt weirdly competitive rather than like working with my colleagues. I would have felt threatened rather than challenged; and spent way too much time on looking perfect rather than connecting with others. Another huge milestone for me. Now I have 2 weeks of regular work to catch up with, but it was a terrific experience and I loved every minute of it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Congratulations! A milestone indeed and it sounds like an amazing experience. Truly inspiring! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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