ldmcniel Posted April 29, 2013 Report Share Posted April 29, 2013 I have been asking myself this question A LOT!! I have never had the Adderrall "high" that everyone describes. I have never had euphoria, and I have never had it make me stay up late or curb my appetite, even at 200+mg. So, why am I addicted? I am a female and not only do I have the ADD, I have the extreme hyperactivity that usually males have. I am 38 years old and not a child or a teenager. I learned to cope with it my entire life up until 2 years ago. I had even taken it a couple years before that and I was only on it for less than a month and quite because I became too aggitated. Why did I choose to try it again? The only answer I have is that I actually became addicted to feeling, acting, and doing what I had always visioned a "normal" person doing. For the first time in my life, I was patient, I could focus and I wasn't always on the go. Then.....the awful part of this drug started to show its ugliness. When I would crash, my ADHD symptoms would be at least 10x worse than they were before. I started taking it in the after noon to avoid this. The tolerance grew rapidly. I felt like I was taking it around the clock. I couldn't just take 1 tablet, I had to take two, then three, and then four at a time. The sad part is, the feeling of being "normal" was gone. I realize now what I became addicted to. It was being able to focus, stay calm and not feeling like I was abnormal. The problem, I soon lost the ability to show any emotion besides anger, not just normal anger, I was raging, screaming and felt that I wanted to harm someone, anyone. This drug should not be perscribed, even to people that meet the "criteria" for it. Yes, I was normal for a couple of months, but that is not me. I almost lost everything, my family, my job, and I developed severe health problems and almost lost my life. The worse loss of all, I lost myself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted April 29, 2013 Report Share Posted April 29, 2013 Thanks for sharing your story. It's scary that even people with textbook ADHD can get addicted. It's a different and really interesting perspective, since you don't crave what most of us do/did from the drug: euphoria, feeling like we could get shit done, etc....only normalcy. I'm glad you got yourself back on track....ADHD and all! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 I am so proud of you ld, for continuing along the path to recovery. it is a remarkable place to be to feel like you have it behind you and know you're better off without it. Forever. Just wanted to say that. So proud of you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldmcniel Posted May 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 MFA its amazing how you replied on a day that I didn't think I could make it through. I was having a very bad PAWS day and was thinking about how bad I wanted to go get a script filled and take all of this emotion away. I checked my email, and I saw your post. It made me snap back into reality and remember why I quit Adderall. One of the main reasons is to feel emotions again, good or bad. Even though today I am feeling bad emotions, I am still feeling them. Thank you very much. It's amazing how just a few words from someone can help someone from making a HUGE mistake. I may feel bad today, but if I had to go through day one again, I would feel much worse!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Absolutely ldmcdaniel. Take it a day at a time, and if you were in the contemplation stage maybe it's time to cut off your access. It's risky business, but I'm glad you decided not to do it. Hang in there. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naterdogg1 Posted May 5, 2013 Report Share Posted May 5, 2013 I was thinking about this a lot today. In my opinion I don't think Adderall is a bad thing if used correctly, but that's the thing, nobody uses it correctly. Most people think, well because I have ADD Adderall isn't addicting. Its medicine and the doctor says its safe to be on it all the time to control my symptoms. Well that's bullshit! Any drug like this wasn't meant to be long-term. Adderall has the ability to make you think "Well now that I can focus and get anything done, I must be normal." "Now that I can handle my entire life, I think adderall is the right medication for me." But it usually never is. What people don't realize is their little quest to make themselves "normal" actually did the opposite for them. The reason you were angry is because you didn't feel like you were living your own life. Because you weren't. You were aimlessly tweaking and "getting stuff done" hoping it would somehow make progress towards your life and the things that you enjoy. Life is supposed to be hard and Adderall is just used as an easy way out. But anyone who tries to take an easy way out, usually ends up making life harder in the long run. Congrats on the decision to quit! I think you are definitely making the right choice and you're much better off annoying people with your ADHD than actually wanting to beat them up! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted May 5, 2013 Report Share Posted May 5, 2013 Wow, this is a great discussion thread. Naterdogg, you seem pretty smart for a high school kid. I agree with everything you just said. Good luck with your own plan to quit, but maybe you should graduate first since you are only a few weeks away from being done. then make quitting your top priority. Now, to answer the topic question posed b IdMcNeil: Just substitute the word "pain" for ADHD and you have the same question that many opioid users ask. Some of these drugs are highly addictive substances, but not everybody becomes addicted at the same rate. Up until a decade ago, they taught new doctors in med school that they didn't have to worry about the addiction if the pain meds (mostly opioids)were properly prescribed and used as prescribed for acute pain. The same line of thinking applied to stimulant usage and ADHD. Fuck, it has only been a couple of years since they have established and recognized the discipline of "addiction medicine". They say that people who are prescribed stimulant drugs for narcolepsy don't face the same addiction issues as the rest of us. i assume that people with severe ADD would respond to stimulant drugs in a similar way. But they still become addicted and face withdrawl issues, right? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted May 5, 2013 Report Share Posted May 5, 2013 MFA its amazing how you replied on a day that I didn't think I could make it through. I was having a very bad PAWS day and was thinking about how bad I wanted to go get a script filled and take all of this emotion away. I checked my email, and I saw your post. It made me snap back into reality and remember why I quit Adderall. One of the main reasons is to feel emotions again, good or bad. Even though today I am feeling bad emotions, I am still feeling them. Thank you very much. It's amazing how just a few words from someone can help someone from making a HUGE mistake. I may feel bad today, but if I had to go through day one again, I would feel much worse!!! Yet another reason to feel proud of yourself! It's easy to give up on those easy days; where you don't have a lot going on and you're feeling fine and nothing is pressuring you. But it's on the trigger days that your resolve is tested. And those are the days that count. Congrats again for staying strong! And you can be assured that you stuck with the mantra in your signature, "no more poison killing my emotions". Go, you! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldmcniel Posted May 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 5, 2013 Naterdogg I agree with quit once, you are very smart for someone in high school. Ashley, you are right about cutting off my access, the problem is that I work where my access is. It's time I come forward and let them know that I should NOT be allowed to have any prescriptions for any stimulant. I feel that the Wellbutrin and Lexapro combination is starting to work just fine. Thank you all for your support, even through my fails. I do believe that I am getting through it this time, and I wont turn back. My husband is very aware now of my addiction so he knows the signs of when I am on Adderall and if he is suspicious, he will search through everything. I actually asked him to do that. I don't want there to be any kind of access, this way, when I am having a bad day, I can and will work through it on my own. I proved that to myself. Yay me! I am starting to come back again as ME, annoying as hell, but still me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted May 6, 2013 Report Share Posted May 6, 2013 Wellbutrin had a lot to do with me getting through the first couple months, eventually it became too activating for me but I don't know if I would have stayed off Ritalin without it initially 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldmcniel Posted May 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 6, 2013 Wow, this is a great discussion thread. Naterdogg, you seem pretty smart for a high school kid. I agree with everything you just said. Good luck with your own plan to quit, but maybe you should graduate first since you are only a few weeks away from being done. then make quitting your top priority. Now, to answer the topic question posed b IdMcNeil: Just substitute the word "pain" for ADHD and you have the same question that many opioid users ask. Some of these drugs are highly addictive substances, but not everybody becomes addicted at the same rate. Up until a decade ago, they taught new doctors in med school that they didn't have to worry about the addiction if the pain meds (mostly opioids)were properly prescribed and used as prescribed for acute pain. The same line of thinking applied to stimulant usage and ADHD. Fuck, it has only been a couple of years since they have established and recognized the discipline of "addiction medicine". They say that people who are prescribed stimulant drugs for narcolepsy don't face the same addiction issues as the rest of us. i assume that people with severe ADD would respond to stimulant drugs in a similar way. But they still become addicted and face withdrawl issues, right? Yes, I totally agree with you quit once! I was just reading through Mike's what to expect when quitting Adderall, and even though I didn't have the same "high" with Adderall as some of you had, the withdrawal symptoms are the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldmcniel Posted May 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 6, 2013 I'm not sure why my last comment posted with the text I was responding to. Yes, I totally agree with you quit once! I was just reading through Mike's what to expect when quitting Adderall, and even though I didn't have the same "high" with Adderall as some of you had, the withdrawal symptoms are the same. There, it is in a post format now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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