Terrified of gaining weight

[lunax]

I’ve always had issues with my weight and quitting now (5 mths till my wedding) seems too risky for me because I know I will put on 10lbs and hate myself for it. A day off of adderall is a day of binge eating for me. Also, every time I stop taking it its like my GI system completely shuts down which makes me gassy and bloated (tmi, I know).

 

P.S I am also taking 100mg of Wellbutrin SR, which doesn’t do shit.

 

Any advice on the weight gaining issue?  

[Cassie]

If you quit now, after five months you should be able to lose the weight (so long as you don't pack on too many pounds). I gained 10 pounds after quitting over the first three months. So about 90 days clean was when I was the heaviest. And I was eating healthy and exercising - like I said, the 10 pounds was over 3 months so it wasn't like I got fat overnight. So, when you quit, you should expect to gain some weight even if you're eating the same due to your body being slowed down and not working in overdrive anymore. After 3 months the weight started coming off and by five months I weighed the same as I did on Adderall (which was a normal weight, not anorexic looking). Everyone is different and this is just my anecdote, but I think you should expect to gain some weight, plateau, then lose it, and for me that time frame was about 4 months.

[quit-once]

I say quit NOW and don't buy your wedding dress until just before getting married.  You will gain weight.  Do you really want to take the baggage of your adderall addiction into your marriage?  Quit now and begin your new life early.

[lunax]

I bought the dress a few months ago and truthfully if I gain 10lbs I might as well buy another dress. I sound so fucking shallow right now but its important to me not to look like I'm busting out the seams...just this once.

But you're right QuitOnce there is a lot of baggage that comes with using adderall and I do want to free of it when I'm walking down that aisle.

I just haven't figured out how to.

[BeHereNow]

Just to echo quit-once:  Do you REALLY want to be on adderall on your wedding day?   (I know, when I was using adderall I would have said "it's fine, I'll just take a day (or a week) off before the wedding.")   But quitting adderall involves a LOT of crappy withdrawal days, for months, and you don't want your wedding day to be one of them.  If you quit now, you're less likely to be having a crappy withdrawal day at your wedding and beyond.

 

I'm guessing you probably want to go into your wedding and marriage happy, lucid, capable of feeling human emotions.  I'm guessing you'll want to be able to enjoy it.   Quitting now will dramatically increase your chances of feeling great that day.  And like Cassie said, 5 months is plenty of time to gain and then lose the weight.

[Cat]

So Xiosluna, this is close to my heart because I am getting married next month. I quit adderall in January of this year. I've gained some weight and I'm a little terrified that the XS dress I bought four months ago will be tight at my fitting in two weeks. I'm kinda sad my upper arms don't look as tiny as they did before. I'm planning to buy spanx even though my mom says that's unnecessary, it's just that my stomach sticks out more than it did before.

 

IT IS ALL SO SO WORTH IT BECAUSE I WILL NOT BE ON ADDERALL ON MY WEDDING DAY.

 

First of all, you can absolutely maintain your weight with five months to go. Like Cassie said, you might gain a bit at first but you still have time to get back on track and start exercising. Secondly, don't you want to be present at your own wedding? Feeling grounded and happy and human?

 

If you do this you should start now. In five months you'll feel just fine. But if you keep waiting around it gets dicey.... withdrawal is no joke. 

[Jazzy7]

I wish I could tell you that you won't gain weight and don't worry, but I have to be completely honest and let you know what I experienced. I too have struggled with my weight for a long time, and had lost a bunch of weight before a quit. Today is my 6 months clean and I will tell you that I have gained weight and it has done a lot of damage to my self-esteem. It has been extremely difficult for me to control the urge to eat- the self-control bit is hard. I went a good solid two months of binge eating in the beginning, doing absolutely nothing, and struggling at work. It is very hard for me to keep the weight off and even harder to get the urge to work-out.  A lot of people say that quitting makes them want to exercise more, but for me it has been the opposite. I am leaving for Hawaii next week and although I really wanted to lose all the weight before Hawaii and have had months to prepare I haven't been able to and am really not looking forward to being in a bathing suit and definitely not having my picture taken. I am very very fortunate and have had amazing support from my boyfriend, who tells me how proud he is of me and that I am beautiful no matter what. He tells me this on a daily basis. It has been a strain on our relationship because I just simply don't have the energy to do the things I used to do- it's hard to keep up with him sometimes. He is used to the super active me, and now I am very laid back and love to relax. Does your fiance know your on adderall and that you want to quit and is he prepared to support you no matter what?

With all that said there have been so many positive changes to rediscovering who I really am. I am able to relate and connect to people so much better, I am not all zoned out all the time,and  I am able to be creative again. I really wanted to stop taking adderall for my relationship and for my future kids. I definitely was not about being on adderall while being pregnant, and I want to be a good mom and be fully there and able to connect with my kids. I had so many issues with adderall- I always took too much and put myself in some really scary situations. 

I am working on getting the weight off- but I am still at a point of maintaining, its hard. If I did it all over again I think I'd be in the exact same spot. 

What are you reasons behind quitting? Are you ready for everything that it takes?

[tessa0412]

Do u cook? Cooking is super theraputic for me.. I eat meat occasionally but cooking vegan or vegetarian meals are way easy and makes for a nice little day when searching for products at whole food stores or farmers markets. Eating a raw diet is not only easy but super healthy for your mind body and soul. Plus Pinterest has tons of options. I just find when I cook and turn on some music light some candles set up a zen space and cook it leaves me only thinking about cooking or what the next step is.. Than u can get satisfied with a healthy meal. Feels great. Just made vegan low fat stuffed green peppers yesterday it was awesome

[tessa0412]

Here's some recipes my vegan sis in law sent me

Hi sis! Here is our menu/grocery list for the week:

menu:

Stuffed Acorn Squash (recipe is in email to follow- use whatever fresh herbs you would like, and I use regular bread crumbs to make it easy)

Lentil Sweet Potato Stew (makes 2 days worth) http://www.williams-sonoma.com/recipe/lentil-stew-with-smoked-turkey-and-sweet-potatoes.html Subsitute vegetable broth for chicken broth, omit turkey if you want to make it vegan)

Baked squash, steamed kale, and quinoa pilaf (recipe is in email to follow)

Veggie burgers (use any toppings you want) with spanish style rice

Pasta with spinach green onion pesto (requires blender or food processer) http://www.onegreenplanet.org/vegan-food/recipe-ramp-and-spinach-pesto-pasta/ (substitute green onions for ramps, you can omit the miso if you don't want to buy it, serve this pasta with mushrooms and tomatoes)

Produce:

acorn squash -2

garlic

onion- 2

carrots- 4

Butternut Squash

Green onions/scallions

Spinach

lemons- 2

Tomatoes

celery

Fresh herbs (whatever you want)

Kale

Lime

Shelf:

1/4 cup raw cashews (in the bulk section at whole foods- don't get too much, they're expensive!)

Apple cider vinegar

Bread crumbs

Quinoa

Seeds of Change brand Spanish Style Rice

Whole wheat spaghetti

Burger buns

Lentils

Vegetable stock or broth- 2 cartons (don't use cans)

Freezer:

Veggie burgers

You may want to double check the recipes and make sure I got all of the ingredients on here and didn't miss something. Let me know what you think!

love youuuuuuuuu

[lunax]

Thank you all for your advice (recipes) and supportive responses. It's comforting to know that i am not the only one who is or has gone through similar issues. it can be a lonely place when you're suffering from any addiction so im glad to have a place to turn to.

Before Adderall food was always my drug of choice...I have used and abused it since i could remember and although I've been in therapy for a while, this is one of the things I haven't really addressed.

I know I don't want to begin my marriage this way, I know I don't want to walk down the isle like an emotionless zombie. I want live every moment of it, I want to cry, laugh, dance, and feel like the girl I use to be...most importantly i want to feel in love with my husband (to be) which is an amazing human and deserves to be loved.

I'm struggling with taking a leap forward towards living a clean and healthy life. A huge part of me wants to give it up, another part of me worries about what a fucking mess I will be during a time where I have so much planning and organizing to do. I hate how the self destructive voices in my head keep telling me to keep using and fuck this all up...because good things are happening and somehow I feel undeserving of all of it.

This sounds pathetic and all over the place (i apologize) but this is really what I'm feeling right now. Thanks for listening.

[Jazzy7]

I've been meaning to write back to your last post but this was the first chance I got...

I'm glad you know we are here, and my best advice would be to keep coming to this site even if you are not ready to quit. Quitting is a definite challenge and I know for me at least it has been a lot easier knowing that there were people out there who were actually truly understanding what I was going through- no-one else, not family, not friends, and especially not doctors will be able to help you the way people on here can. 

 

As far not quitting for your wedding, I completely understand why you would want to wait and why you would want to quit. It is unbelievable hard to quit and puts a lot of stress on the body and it is hard at times to just get out of bed and take a shower and so therefore I can see why planning a wedding would feel completely overwhelming (as if it isn't already). The side effects of quitting are gaining weight- and I am sure you want to look your absolute best on your wedding day. But I also don't want you to forget your reason's why. Why do you want to quit in the first place. What is it about adderall that you know is wrong- something brought you here...

 

Is there anything you can do now to start the process? I know for me it was cold turkey or nothing because I was so rediculously addicted and had NO SELF-CONTROL but even I was able to have days off from adderall. If I didn't go through such intense withdrawals I don't think I would have crashed as hard as I did with both lazyness, and food binging. I know that not having as much adderall as I wanted made me on uncomfortable but having no adderall was the most uncomfortable feeling I have ever experienced. If you are able to slowly ween yourself off it- being uncomfortable but only a little at a much smaller degree, maybe you will be able to quit easier then I was able to and not gain as much weight. Also if you are able to take full days off from adderall- then by your wedding day- you will at least know that you got to fully experience every part of it soberly. 

 

I wish you the best, whatever decide. Know we are here when you are ready or if you need help. 

[Brandy76]

I totally understand your obsessions with quitting and gaining weight. 

 

I've been on it for 1yr and a half and love how skinny it's kept me and whenever I think about quitting, my mind says "wait until after ____ event"

 

There's always something that will make you think twice about quitting.  As many said here 5 months is a long time away and I'm sure your body can adjust within that timeframe.

 

However having to plan a wedding through whatever withdrawals you may experience does not sound like any fun either.

 

In the end it's up to you.  And only you know how strong you are to mentally plan such a big event while also coming off of a powerful drug

[lunax]

I come back often to read this thread, I'm thankful for everyone who participated in it because it helped me get started. Can't believe my wedding is only 2 mths away!

[LILTEX41]

How are you doing Lunax?  Miss talking to all of you!

 

Hope the wedding plans are coming along well.

[lunax]

Hey LilTex! How r u???

Thanks for checking in. I'm doing good...still addy free. The wedding is February 1st and I'm surprisingly calm mostly because I have a lot of support. I often wonder how neurotic and crazy id be if I were still using. I also can't help but day dream about how much of my to-do list would be done by now. But oh well this is still the life I prefer living over being strung out on addy all day every day.

I had my first dress fitting last week and I'm definitely not at a weight that I love. But I'm not going to be high on my wedding day, and in the end that's the most important thing.