Replacing/Substituting Adderall addiction for another...

[whosthisguy]

Does anyone else have a problem with this? I have been drinking almost every day since I quit taking Adderall. I feel like I need something to fill the void. I think I was using Adderall and a whole host of other drugs to self-medicate for depression. I have been trying to slow down on the drinking, but it is REALLY hard. Really hard. I actually feel more depressed lately than I did during the first month. I have some days of hope, but I'm still so sluggish and I beat myself up everyday over the really intellectually challenging homework I have not even started.

 

Last week I got my Adderall prescription filled and I am proud to say I didn't take one of them. I'm on day 39. Unfortunately, last night I traded it for 90 Klonopin and took 3 while I was drinking. Ended up having a mental breakdown and slashed the inside of my arm a few times, something I haven't done since a really grave incident I had last December. I am craving alcohol, craving Adderall. I know I need treatment, so you don't need to tell me that. I saved 3 Adderall pills in case I "need" them for something that I need a little boost for... it's taking a lot out of me to not just take one. For the few weeks I had my full prescription I never thought about touching it, but the cravings are intensifying... Just seeing if anyone else has experience with substituting and the troubles it brings. Really don't wanna relapse.

 

[BeHereNow]

Sorry to hear what you're going through.  Is your arm okay?? 

 

I really hope you don't relapse........ you have come way too far for that, and you're too good for adderall.  Think about why you're quitting.  Those 3 pills are only going to destroy all the progress you've made.  Your craving will pass!

 

To answer your main question, I think it's pretty common for recovering addicts to sub one addiction for another.  I've heard that a lot of people in A.A. swap alcohol for coffee for example.  When I quit cigarettes, I swapped them for candy, then eventually running.  And when I first quit adderall...... I too was drinking way more than I should have.  I spent the first week of my recovery partying, smoking and drinking wine in bed.  After that, I had to work so it switched to caffeine pills during the day, drinking and partying too much at night, for the first month or two.  So I can somewhat relate to your experience.

 

After a few months I gradually slowed down on both alcohol and caffeine.  I just kind of got sick of it.  I think I had to set some limits for myself to make that happen though.  Lately I've made a huge effort to become addicted to running. 

 

I've realized I need to be in very strict moderation with my drinking, especially during recovery.  I finally realized that alcohol makes my depression and anxiety WAY worse.  Not right away, but as it wears off-- and over time.  I think this is a documented phenomenon-- that alcohol (and also adderall) can cause/aggravate depression.   Do you think this happens with you?    Also, apparently klonopin impairs your brain's ability to use seratonin, which may be part of why it led you to such a dark place.

 

I know you probably don't want to hear this but BE CAREFUL with the klonopin.   People die from mixing benzos with alcohol.  Also, they're pretty addictive, and if you're doing the addiction-swapping thing you definitely don't want to swap adderall for klonopin.  In terms of withdrawals, quitting benzos is far more painful and more dangerous (seizures, death, etc) than quitting adderall.

[Cat]

Yep. This was me. I drank a ton when I first quit. I drank wine in bed and also some days would start drinking at noon. After a few weeks I was mostly just drinking a lot at night. I was definitely substituting it for the adderall. At one point about four months after quitting I had a moment of realization that what I was doing was really terrible and unhealthy and I got scared. I went online and started looking at alcoholism message boards and wondering if I was becoming an alcoholic. I felt depressed and down and I was really terrified about this turn my life had taken, though I never considered going back on adderall.

 

Coincidentally about a week later I quit taking ambien, and it was like a switch flipped- my drinking went waaay down almost right away. Not only that but my depression lifted practically overnight. All of a sudden I felt clear headed, grounded, and a lot sharper than I had since quitting adderall. Evening would roll around and I didn't have the urge to drink! Now I still enjoy a glass of wine and I always will, that's just part of my lifestyle, but it's not every night and usually not more than 1 or 2 glasses. I am convinced that the ambien was playing a major role in my depression and my heavy drinking. It wouldn't surprise me if benzos have the same effect (on some people, obviously not everyone). Anyway it's worth looking at what other medications you are still taking. Also it sounds like for Occasional and me there was a turning point around 3-4 months so you might just need to give it time.

[whosthisguy]

@Occasional -- Thank you for your story. I see a lot of that in myself. Yes, my arm is okay, but I don't exactly give much self-sympathy to myself in that regard b/c I usually feel I deserve the things I do. Anyways, like you, recently quit cigarettes after quitting adderall and that was tough. I also take caffeine pills but don't see a reason for me to quit taking those... I need something to keep me up!! Along with my ginseng, vitamin B, fish oil, green tea, and gingko of course! I've ended up in the ER with a BAC above .3 while also on Klonopin and have been told that I probably shouldn't be alive--I just have an insane tolerance. I know a lot of pharmacology, but I actually did not know about its impact on 5HT! That is worrisome to me and is a good motivation to stop mixing. Thank you for sharing that tidbit, Occasional. It's just hard to rationalize when you say "those 3 pills will destroy all the progress you've made." How? Will it really delay my brain recovery to that extent? It's so hard to not let myself indulge.... especially now that I know I only have a small amount. Last time I relapsed I had a full prescription. I know you're right in the end, though :( :(. I'm trying to limit myself on the Kpins; I know what it's like to have acute W/D from those for a few days.

 

@Cat - Hmmm, I also have a lot of those same concerns!! I drink early in the day sometimes and have posted on alcoholic message boards. They all say that, when they were 21, they were nowhere near as bad as I am. I need to stop. The adderall withdrawal has just made it so much worse.

 

Thank you both for giving me hope that eventually all of this will taper. Your stories have made my night a little better. I hope others can see this, because I know that those who are led to one substance are often led to multiple more. I hope we get more stories here

[BeHereNow]

It's just hard to rationalize when you say "those 3 pills will destroy all the progress you've made." How? Will it really delay my brain recovery to that extent? It's so hard to not let myself indulge.... especially now that I know I only have a small amount. Last time I relapsed I had a full prescription. I know you're right in the end, though :( :(.

Yeah,"it will destroy ALL  your progress" might be a little overstated.  But you will probably lose a good portion of the healing your brain has already done.  Your brain/body chemistry go backwards, with the crash and PAWS.   And even though you only have 3, the bigger risk is that you might go into a full-on relapse-- one taste can be all it takes to do whatever it takes to seek out more adderall.....

 

Anyway, I agree-- I hope we can get more stories here too, about addiction substitution and how to navigate that tendency.

[Jazzy7]

Yes, I have been struggling with swapping addictions big time. For me it has been food and I've gained about 30 pounds. When I was in therapy she pointed out to me that I am substituting food for the adderall. Anytime I feel uncomfortable I am turning to food to make myself feel better. She also pointed out to me that it is Self-Control that I am struggling with. I hate the feeling of being off the adderall and tired and lazy. Also- I am a teacher and one of my students died this week, she was only 14. It hit me sooooo hard, I think I was processing my dad dying a year ago too- the first time I've ever dealt with something like this sober- and off the adderall. I crashed so hard last week it felt  like week one of quitting all over again. I could barely get out of bed, and didn't get to work, and just had absolutely no energy and still turned to food for comfort. 

I really really hope that you don't take the last couple of pills you have. I have quit over 17 times, each time I relapsed it was because I had that taste of energy and went months before trying to quit again. Today is my 6 months mark and I am feeling so proud- and I know I just can't give up! There are so many days that I want just one, but I know that just one is not a possibility for me.  I believe in you too- my advice... dump them or they will continue to haunt you.

Good luck.

Jazz