Thoughts on taking Xanax?

[Greg]

Hey guys, I am reposting a post that i put in the 12 miles a week running club here. Recently (about 1 and a half months)I started taking xanax to help me cope with the anxiety of starting a new semester in school but also because i feel like its helping with PAWS or "withdrawals" that i get. here is the post which was responding to another post from Occasional1.:

 

 

I feel confused about the Xanax I'm taking. I feel like it is helping me, and I have a lot of anxiety. At the same time I feel like I'm developing a psychological relationship towards it similar to adderall. I got worried at work because I didn't have it on me. I carry it around with me. I think about the pills and this whole thought process is getting Very familiar. Like feeling what i am taking is not enough. But I want to keep taking it. I feel like it is an extreme help. My PAWS is getting worse because of all the anxiety from restarting the semester and work. I would say the main reason I take it is because it helps with my "withdrawals" or "PAWS" that I get, but finding lots of other reasons its helping, like they are offering a lot of relief to me for coping with the stress of the semester. It is just that I know what I am capable of with pills and afraid of that. Perhaps we should start another thread on Xanax. I just wanted to respond directly to your quote though. I am thinking I need to set rules to myself to only take Xanax in certain circumstances .

Sorry for this off tangent everyone. I will repost this in the regular forum.

[Greg]

I used to take xanax to deal with the anxiety from overdosing on adderall every day but not in this context.  but back then i never got addicted to it. i would usually take it for a couple months and then just stop taking it without any desire to continue taking it. but that was when i was a full fledged adderall addict.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Hi IR, 

 

I've been lurking around but with barely any time to post lately.  But your message compelled me to log in.  

 

I'm having exactly the same issue.  Since quitting adderall, I haven't ever experienced the kind of anxiety I did before, even during the period I took it.  I mean, it's really bad.  I can be sitting on the couch doing nothing and all of a sudden a wave of sudden fear paralyses me.  Last week I had a panic attack... for the first time in about 13 years. 

 

I take it almost every day, and I need to have it on me at all times.  I don't know if it is the placebo effect but even just having it on me relieves the stress.  That concerns me, but then I think of the alternative, which is chronic anxiety and/or benzos, and I tell myself it is ok.

 

Apart from that, how are you doing IR?  Despite evidence to the contrary, I do think of you often.

[Greg]

That's crazy. Yes that is exactly how I feel. With the Xanax.

Still adderall clean.i cant see adderall ever being an option again to me.

My second semester is heating up. I'm feeling similar feelings to how I was feeling last semester in the beginning which you all thankfully helped me through!!. How are things with u?

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

I think the warning sign for me was when I wanted to combine Xanax and alcohol.  I knew I was trying to numb myself from something, and that's what adderall was for me during addiction... it had a numbing effect.

 

Last week I was on vacation and it was not relaxing at all, for a number of reasons.  One night I took 1.5 Xanax and drank 2 glasses of wine. Although I enjoyed the numbness, I really couldn't even speak properly.  Worst thing was I was hosting a dinner party and supposed to help create conversation and connect people.  Sure, the anxiety was GONE but so was my decorum.   That was my wake up call.

 

Things are ok with me.  I am feeling stronger as a person than I have in years, but I am having more trouble on the work front.  I loved my job for a while but have made some judgment errors and been rather emotional and erratic, which isn't great for a new hire, and my company is a little wary of me.  Couple that with my anxiety and self-confidence issues, and it hasn't been a great few weeks.

 

I may think about resigning and doing something else for a while.  Maybe the universe is telling me that I'm just not cut out for Corporate Life any more.  But it is hard to look at failure so often, especially after so many years of top-of-my-game success.

 

Thanks for asking... sorry to be a Debbie downer; I'm really ok!  Just life happening around me, you know...

[ashley6]

I just wanted to chime in too. I feel the exact same way as you both. The anxiety/panic attacks can be crippling. I keep them on me at all times too, because feeling that overwhelming sense of panic is really, really scary. I agree with you, MFA, on the possible placebo effect of it. My thoughts are we have to be careful but weighing the quality of life with/without it is important. One thing I've noticed, after being on both Xanax and klonopin, is that Xanax is faster acting so you can kind of feel it working in you. Klonopin is different, in that it takes a while to kick in and has something like a 10 hour half life, so the effects aren't felt quite as much. Just a thought. My new psychiatrist wants to sort of wean me off the klonopin to a point where I only take it when absolutely necessary. I don't know how I feel about that. It's so good to hear from you MFA! It's really strange that we're all having such intense anxiety after quitting adderall, even though we all quit at different times....makes me wonder what the adderall did to our brains.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

I'm so, so glad to hear you're coming of the Klonopin, Ashley!  I know it sounds hypocritical of me to say this but if I was to have my friends and loved ones avoid one drug, it would be this one.  It just seems to be so physically taxing on the body, and so hard to quit.  

 

I've missed you, Ashley and IR 

[Greg]

Oh no! You worked so hard for this. If you can survive adderall hell I have no doubt you can survive this. Be strong on all fronts MFA.

[Greg]

I just wanted to chime in too. I feel the exact same way as you both. The anxiety/panic attacks can be crippling. I keep them on me at all times too, because feeling that overwhelming sense of panic is really, really scary. I agree with you, MFA, on the possible placebo effect of it. My thoughts are we have to be careful but weighing the quality of life with/without it is important. One thing I've noticed, after being on both Xanax and klonopin, is that Xanax is faster acting so you can kind of feel it working in you. Klonopin is different, in that it takes a while to kick in and has something like a 10 hour half life, so the effects aren't felt quite as much. Just a thought. My new psychiatrist wants to sort of wean me off the klonopin to a point where I only take it when absolutely necessary. I don't know how I feel about that. It's so good to hear from you MFA! It's really strange that we're all having such intense anxiety after quitting adderall, even though we all quit at different times....makes me wonder what the adderall did to our brains.

I agree Ashley my gut tells me there is a quitting adderall------>anxiety connection here.

[ashley6]

I'm really unsure if I actually will come off of it, but we shall see. It made my night hearing from you, MFA. I hope things look up for you soon! I know how strong you are, so I think you will be just fine, whatever you decide.

[nonameguy22]

I would absolutely not start taking xanax or continue using it, it's just another highly addictive drug when in all reality one day you will abuse it just like adderall.

 

Anything that changes the way you feel so quickly and easily will be abused one day or another maybe weeks, months, or years from now, just my opinion being a drug addict myself.

[BeHereNow]

HI! Just wanted to chime in on the carrying it around thing. I do it too.  But I don't feel like it's the same as when I carried adderall around.   Adderall was for an entirely different 'purpose,' and I thought about it differently.  I mean I would carry adderall around and abuse it throughout the day, popping secret pills etc.  And I didn't take it to deal with panic attacks, which are a hell of a lot worse than not getting your work done.  Usually I just carry my klonopin around because it helps my anxiety to know I have it if I need it.  I've had a few occasions where rather than taking one, I just carried one in my wallet, and ended up not needing it.   

 

Running out, or having a dr try to wean me off, is one of the scariest, most anxiety-provoking things ever because it means not having it when I really need it.   Maybe this is why it's comforting just to carry around.  To a lot of people I'm sure this sounds like addict behavior.  But there's a huge difference between dependency and addiction.

[quit-once]

I agree with the Nonameguy, HOWEVER:

 

Greg I remember a similar post you made at the beginning of the year when you found an old bottle of xanax with a few pills and you were worried about abusing them and you rationed tham and said you would not get it refilled. Apparently you refilled it.

Dude, those pills are fucking BENZOS and they are highly addictive!! From what I have learned around here, a benzo addiction is even harder to kick than adderall.

 

That said, my mom took attivan (another benzo) in her old age for relief of anxiety and it was the only thing that seemed to help her. I do understand how crippling anxiety can be, althouth I am lucky enough not to be afflicted with it. One time a doctor told my mom to breathe into a paper bag for as long as it took to calm down when she was experiencing anxiety and it did seem to help her.

I still have a bottle of her lorazapam (attivan) and use it only when travelling if I experience insomnia in a hotel room.

BE CAREFUL with the benzos. It sounds like you are already in the early stages of a xanax addiction.

[Greg]

Thanks for everyone's responses. Opinions range from one end to another here. There has been mention of dependence vs addiction which is interesting. I am dependent on my headphones and Sirius xm radio in order to run. I can't run without it, but I'm not sure how that compares to being dependent on this. But dependency definitely not a good thing,

I've decided my goal I think I'm going to keep MORE of an arms length weary distance from Xanax to not be too dependent on it,. To constantly keep in my mind how addictive it can be. and Take it as sparingly as I can and take half the amount I was taking. I will try not to take it every day but if I do it will only be HALF of what I was taking which would be .5mgs instead of 1 mg. and not allow myself to take more than that. And there will now be more days where I do not take it at all. I won't take it to deal with PAWS insomuch as panic attacks and real stressful situations.

It is true that this is a scheduled drug and the addiction is something to be really really really cautious about. I will post updates on how this works out and if I feel like I need more than half maybe this will be something to think about. I will update. And thanks for the support.

[quit-once]

Good decision to stay at arms length from such an addictive drug. Referring to the "eight stages of amphetamine addiction" article in the announcements forum, it sounds as if you are in stage four, or the "tool stage" of your relationship with Xanax. Although each addiction is its own unique animal, I do believe the "eight stages" can be loosely applied to most other addictions as well.

 

I maintained my tool stage with adderall for about seven years by using for 3-4 days and then withdrawing for 3-4 days every week. Attivan was also in that mix for me. I did not want to believe how hard on my body that lifestyle actually was. I would wake up in the middle of the night with excruciating pain in my middle and lower back. I purchased new mattresses to no avail. I could not accept that my muscle and joint pains were actually due to attivan and adderall withdrawls, and this went on for several years.

 

When you find yourself moving beyond the tool stage with your xanax relationship, it may be time to find another more natural remedy for your anxiety, unless you want to stay on them for the rest of your life or experience another crippling addiction

[Greg]

I definitely don't want to stay on it for the rest of my life. And god NO I do not want another crippling addiction. I am going to stick with this strategy but if I find myself unable to control my intake I will let u all know and it will be important to rethink this on a very serious level. Right now by taking half of what I was taking , that will put me on the lowest prescribed dosage for Xanax which is .5 a day.

[pkr]

The last thing anyone wants here is a to go through benzo withdrawal.  Adderall discontiunation is a walk in the park compared to Xanax, which has the added bonus of things like questioning your sanity and seizures.  It will literally bring you to your knees. And the problem is, you will eventually have to go through withdrawal because of dose tolerance.  You can read more about it here:

 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/

 

 

I was never told you had to taper, so when I stopped quickly, I had no idea what was happening.  Once I figured it out, I was able to go back on it and taper properly.  But, I was milliseconds away from a psych ward before I did. 

 

I never really liked Xanax that much, because it mostly made me tired.  So, despite my previous physical addiction, I'm able to keep it with me strictly as a crutch. My feelings now are:  If you're going to take benzos, really try to avoid taking them every day.  But, if you must, it's very important to use a longer acting one.  Xanax is the worst offender as far as serious withdrawal problems--valium is much safer.  I've since swapped Xanax for beta blockers (Atenolol), though.  They ameliorate all of the physical sensations of anxiety, and for me that prevents the mindf*ck cascade that happens once those sensations arise.  If you haven't looked into beta blockers, they're a really good option for anxiety.

 

Good luck!

 

PKR

[kori]

Hey there in my opinion, out of all benzodiazepines, xanax is the shortest acting therefore typically the most addictive of its class due to the rapid feeling of needing to re-dose. believe me, I understand anxiety and still its a daily struggle for me.

if your physician feels its necessary, I would ask about ativan first. it seems to have the lowest abuse potential and is long acting. its also not overpowering, so you can experience relief but not be chasing a high.

i have however been addicted to all of them and coming off of large doses of klonopin, ativan, and xanax simultaneously, was a horrible experience. I'm talking full blown panic attacks, sporadically, that I barely had control over. the first step in conquering anxiety is awareness and realizing that its very psychological. you have control over your thoughts, breathing, and actions. sometimes we just need to talk to someone.

look at it this way-can you picture yourself relying on a med for the rest of your life?I'm not knocking it, it definitely has therapeutic uses at controlled doses . look at your motives-why are you using it? Is it a crutch? Don't believe the lie that you are weak and absolutely need this to ffunction when it could possibly be alleviate through cognitive therapy.

look at all if your options-xanax is not the cure all-at least not in my case. I've overdosed several times and it was scary.

side note-I take valerian root, an herbal supplement , that seems to at least take a little bit of the edge off. hope this helps! :)

[kori]

My pharmacist told me that buspar is another non addictive alternative. I have not personally tried it, but he has seen positive results over and over. he said the same about paxil -I'm not sure if I agree with this but it may be an ssri that could work for your individual symptoms.

sometimes we mask the anxiety with benzos and essentially never get to the root cause. For me it was post traumatic stress, flashbacks, insecurities, low self esteem, approval addiction, etc. once you realize your true self worth and just how beautiful you are, you begin to act differently, think differently, and in result your body will follow. you don't have to live in fear...more than half the negative things we tell ourselves aren't even happening and once you realize that you will experience true freedom. we weren't designed to torment and be critical of ourselves...but to love ourselves, and in turn, love others-my definition of life.

[Brandy76]

Xanax has been my best friend since being on adderall.  I never used it before because it just knocked me out and that never seemed like fun to the "pre-adderall" me. 

 

But once I started taking adderall the nights were the hardest when I'd be feeling edgy, cranky, tired but wired all at the same time.  So I started taking xanax .5 every night to just unwind.

 

Lately the only days I don't take adderall is on Sundays, but I load up on Xanax so I'm pretty much knocked out/mellow the whole day.

 

There have been some nights where I don't need the xanax because my body is just that tired from the addies, so I never experienced the withdrawals from it. But I've heard the withdrawals from that can kill.