tessa0412 Posted September 6, 2013 Report Share Posted September 6, 2013 well its pretty standard of me to give my all and find joy and go at recovery fast paced and full forced than disappear. which is what i did...i was posting alot and doing well than i used once that 2 maybe 3 long days in a row clean for 6 back again for 2. around the time i stopped writting in here i stopped journaling as well which is crucial for my recovery and my sanity.. i also learned that helping others in here and allowing others to help me was definitly a strong point in my recovery too... like it got the next leap ... i feel alot of recovery is day by day steo by step with moments of leaps where i change something repetivly in my behavior therefore i begin to see the natural happy change...writting here and on my own was that leap. all wa good than i just stopped writting..mmissed some therapy sessions.. all under the radar.. what i mean by that is like i dont say fuck it i give up woah is me let me dive head first. but more like tap out no ones home I'm driftiing through each day in a bubble outside of my myself my feeelings addictions and i use. this has been my cycle for many years .. ive been wanting to quit for 4. i wonder if i ever will? because i so badly want and NEED TO yet i use again and its not even because im getting uncontroable cravings its just because i just did. the good thing about the past year is i opened up about my addiction to my fiancé and friends and I've been activly at work at my recovery or 50%. i know 50 isnt good but it used to be -5%. ive learned i cant be around users i envy and want it so bad to the point where i steal it ..un detected to them and i make myself feel undetected to using again as well. i also need to write every day go to therapy journal and feelmy behavior notice patterns and work out. all things that im fully capable of but get lazy. i never regret doing it once i start but im lazy any advice out three? i feel hopeful yet stuck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted September 6, 2013 Report Share Posted September 6, 2013 Self control is a difficult thing. We all struggle with many personality deficiencies that allow our addictions to creep back into our lives. Even the smallest unrelated event or exposure can lead us back down the dark road that we so desperately want and need to avoid. Once we are on that track our brain is saying "stop this nonsense, don't do it" but our body WANTS to be gratified so bad that we start to desire our own personal poison. So, how do we do it? Focus on the current battle, not previous defeats; but keep your eyes on the goal. If you feel temptation starting to move in, recognize it and identify the triggers. Once you get to that level of self awareness, you can start to insulate yourself from those things. We don't have the strength to resist the temptations in the beginning when we are weak. Start to face the problems once you are strong enough. Until then, run the other direction! It sounds like you are taking action to identify and remove the triggers. Keep up the good work. I know that you've figured it out, but don't stop writing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted September 6, 2013 Report Share Posted September 6, 2013 Well said 1Bad88. Tessa I'm happy to hear from you I was starting to wonder where you went. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tessa0412 Posted September 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 7, 2013 I'm back with avengence . Sorry to have bailed! Im glad to be welcomed back 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kori Posted September 8, 2013 Report Share Posted September 8, 2013 I'm glad you came back. you inspire me to conquer my own situation. I know plenty of people who don't take any drugs at all and life in reality doesn't seem too bad. its very desirable after having more negative than positive effects while on meds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tessa0412 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Reality is beautiful like the real natural life around us I do believe that so its frustrating my action speak otherwise... Obviously I'm running to a fake world and not truelly believing reality is beautiful 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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