tessa0412 Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 I'm in therapy and aware of how bad I am with this yet I turn it off and use a week later even if I've been self controlled positive or had a great day no lack of energy or anything I just fkin take it than I do that for couple weeks completing avoiding my issues and refusing to do anything positive for myself and right Now that's where I am I like cant identify with myself right now Anyone Else feel this way ever? Like I'm trying to tap into the motivation fire under ur but feeling the feeling of holy shit my life is way to important to throw away.. And I can't tap Into it I can't relate even tho this is what I want and I Know I can do it. Help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Tessa, I can relate to this. I went through a time, maybe 6 months before I quit, when all of the logic in my head said I should quit, but I just wasn't ready...period. I think that toying around with the idea of quitting before you are actually ready is common, I would guess. I'm not saying at all this means you can't quit today, it just sounds like right now you're sorting stuff out in your head. This doesn't make you bad or wrong....it's the nature of addiction. You can do this! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 You are in a cycle of putting yourself through the worst weeks of withdrawl; no wonder you are feeling so crappy. I've put myself through it twice and that was miserable. It sounds like you keep torturing yourself and then beat yourself up because you are having a tough time coping. I hope that you break this because these swings are bad for you physically and mentally. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 1Bad88 is dropping truth bombs Tessa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 It sounds like you can tap into the idea of getting sober Tessa, it is just sustaining your quit that is causing you heartache. Ashly gently reminds us that this is the nature of addiction. I think my best way to tap into that staying sober energy is to think of the good things Adderall did for me in a negative way Like Adderall gave me super energy, but I didn't control the direction of that energy (See Mikes article 9 Adderall created work habits You Must Overcome). I was just shooting from the hip. Now, I am left with all of this crazy work I did (landscaping) and it has created even more work for me that I cannot keep up with, and more importantly, I don't even care to spend my time doing it.So whatever you accomplish with the drug, will end up being something you won't care about. I say fuck making more work for myself today. You can give a negative edge to any Adderall perk. Try it, even when using, and see if you can create a new mind set. I used similar negative tactics when I quit smoking cigarettes more than 25 years ago. I haven't smoked a cigarette since. And remember, you can only take it one day at a time. Like for me today; I am just trying to make it through today. I'm faking it (big time)but I'm still sober and I have a whole bottle of pills at home if I want them. I just think about them as I would think about disaster. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Fake it till you make it!!! I understand about having remnants of things from my Adderall life that create more work for me today. I got rid of one this weekend; we all need to simplify every now and again. Especially those of us who can get so easily overwhelmed. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted September 10, 2013 Report Share Posted September 10, 2013 It sounds like you can tap into the idea of getting sober Tessa, it is just sustaining your quit that is causing you heartache. Ashly gently reminds us that this is the nature of addiction. I think my best way to tap into that staying sober energy is to think of the good things Adderall did for me in a negative way Like Adderall gave me super energy, but I didn't control the direction of that energy (See Mikes article 9 Adderall created work habits You Must Overcome). I was just shooting from the hip. Now, I am left with all of this crazy work I did (landscaping) and it has created even more work for me that I cannot keep up with, and more importantly, I don't even care to spend my time doing it.So whatever you accomplish with the drug, will end up being something you won't care about. I say fuck making more work for myself today. You can give a negative edge to any Adderall perk. Try it, even when using, and see if you can create a new mind set. I used similar negative tactics when I quit smoking cigarettes more than 25 years ago. I haven't smoked a cigarette since. And remember, you can only take it one day at a time. Like for me today; I am just trying to make it through today. I'm faking it (big time)but I'm still sober and I have a whole bottle of pills at home if I want them. I just think about them as I would think about disaster. This is a really great technique, Jon. Lately I've been lamenting my loss of confidence and work ethic, but if I stop to think about it, that confidence was cloaked in arrogance and a bitchy attitude, and while I had a terrific work ethic, I obsessed over unnecessary details/projects and lost foresight, because on Adderall you can't see the forest for the trees. It's funny how the 'Adderall perks' I reminisce about have changed throughout my recovery too. In the beginning, it was all about the loss of energy, how tired I was all the time. That's what always led me to relapse, the constant, unrelenting exhaustion during those first several months or so of quitting. Now, I don't even think of Adderall as an energy pill, because after almost two years sober, my energy is totally solid. Now it's the more insidious psychological aspects that creep into my brain, like the instant motivation, the false confidence, the giant importance of all things, etc.. So remembering the negatives that can't be separated from the positives is a very smart tool. Thanks for sharing that. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted September 10, 2013 Report Share Posted September 10, 2013 It's funny how the 'Adderall perks' I reminisce about have changed throughout my recovery too. In the beginning, it was all about the loss of energy, how tired I was all the time. That's what always led me to relapse, the constant, unrelenting exhaustion during those first several months or so of quitting. Now, I don't even think of Adderall as an energy pill, because after almost two years sober, my energy is totally solid. Now it's the more insidious psychological aspects that creep into my brain, like the instant motivation, the false confidence, the giant importance of all things, etc.. So remembering the negatives that can't be separated from the positives is a very smart tool. Thanks for sharing that. Wow, great post. I couldn't have explained my current state of mind any better. In addition, I've found that when I really break it down, that the bottom line is I just miss getting high. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BookWoman Posted September 11, 2013 Report Share Posted September 11, 2013 I can completely relate! You feel like you are two people in inhabiting one body, well it feels like that often actually in day-to-day life, but with addiction the warring insides are ten times more at odds. I went through the same cycle of withdrawal then thinking that I could use again in small amounts but by the third or fourth day I would be back up to scary amounts and miserably being up all night. It's been said many times, but once you pass the point of addiction you just can't use a substance casually anymore. Your body won't allow you to. The best thing that I've found is meditating. It's the only thing that kept me sober actually, because in meditation having a calm, present mind is the only thing that matters and Adderall absolutely prevents you from that. It's very hard at first, I would only be able to stand 5 minutes of meditation with tapes but you work your way up and you begin to see the value of having your healthy, agile, free mind back. It's really the most important thing in the world actually, the free mind, and it seems like you have realized this its just finding alternatives like meditation and exercising when you get cravings and reminding yourself that you are worth more than the drug. And just get rid of everything you have so there is not option. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted September 12, 2013 Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 Tessa, How long have you been on Adderall? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whosthisguy Posted September 13, 2013 Report Share Posted September 13, 2013 Fake it till you make it!!! I understand about having remnants of things from my Adderall life that create more work for me today. I got rid of one this weekend; we all need to simplify every now and again. Especially those of us who can get so easily overwhelmed. I really like that. Short and to the point. I'm a little past 2 months sober and have been considering using again. You just gotta keep in mind that it'll get better and most people don't notice that you feel so slow and tired all the time. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tessa0412 Posted September 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2013 Hey guys sorry for not coming back I like the idea of thinking of the positives and finding the neg so when I get craving I can pin point which false positive it was.. I've been on adderall 6 years first 2 prescribed with occasional abuse than the last 4 have been abuse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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