Cutting Back on the Addy

[AddyFiend]

I took Adderall maybe 20 different times at the end of last school year because it was available and I am terrible at getting motivated to do schoolwork.  I've always been pretty self-destructive - even after only using Adderall 20 times on that 20th time I was cramming for finals and actually had a panic attack during the 100mg+ binge comedown.  The lesson learned was stop taking Adderall because I can live without it.  Thank God summer came otherwise I'd probably be fullon addicted right now.  

 

Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with depression during the summer, so when I got back to school a few weeks ago I took any Adderall I could get my hands on just to feel motivated and focused on even basic things again.  I probably did this 10 times, so I've taken Adderall on 30 separate occasions.  I also realized that I have ADD, and my psychiatrist and parents and I are all on board with it. Thus, I just got prescribed 10 mg Adderall XR generic.  I also decided to take the semester off to cope with the depression and get myself back on track to get good grades.

 

So yesterday was the first day sitting at home and I had just picked up my script.  Well, 10 mg XR generic is nothing compared to what I've been recreationally doing, so *naturally* I decided to up my dosage.  Now it's the early morning and I've ground up (to break time release) and taken 15 of these buggers.  That's 150 mg. I don't know what my thought process was, but I know that yesterday my thought process was "no matter what only take prescribed dosage from now on."  This was literally all I could think about when coming down and falling asleep last night.  And now, just over a day later, I've taken a higher daily amount than I've ever taken. 

 

I would not call myself an addict, although today proves that I have absoloutely no self-control.  So from now on, my goal is to take 2 weeks off of Adderall to make up for the dosages I am missing, and get back on my feet taking the 10 mg XR I was prescribed.  Even if it doesn't do much, it's still going to help my focus and I can increase my dosage soon anyways.   

 

Thanks for reading.  Wish you all the best of luck in your own endeavors and struggles!

 

[Cassie]

You sound like an addict to me, and an awfully naïve one at that. Tell your psychiatrist you took half your month's prescription in one day and see what he thinks.

[quit-once]

Whether you believe you are an addict or not does not really matter at this stage. You have an abusive relationship with adderall. The number one rule about drug addiction and abuse is that once you have abused it and enjoyed it, you can NEVER go back to using it at prescribed dosages. My friend, you will never be able to enjoy just the right amount of adderall because you will always want more. I hope you can prove me wrong, but I suspect you will try to use it responsibly and fail many, many more times in your life.

Have you read through these forums? The ruined lives and relationships from adderall addiction?

Have you read about the months and years it takes us to regain our normal brain chemistry after quitting?

Have you read about peoples struggles with quitting and relapses?

Have you studied the horrendous side effects in the medical literature, here and on other web sites? The medical research does not even begin to cover side effects of adderall at the insane dosages you are already taking.

Everybody has to reach a point in their addiction when quitting is THE most important thing they can do.  I hope you do not have to spend years chasing the adderall high before you get there.  I hoep you get your shit together before refilling even one more bottle of pills.

[AddyFiend]

I guess I am an addict then, but I do the same thing with marijuana, alcohol, cigarettes. I binge on everything sadly.  Might as well stop the Addy before I get too messed up.  Sorry if I was taking the subject too lightly. 

 

Edit: I've taken Vyvanse 2 times as well.  Is the addiction the same?  As in would keeping a script for Vyvanse be effective for motivation/focus if I should stop the Addy

[quit-once]

All stimulant drugs will be the same for you because you like their high. Legal and illegal stimulants alike.

One more thing I wanted to add was that I believe your newly diagnosed "depression" is really due to adderall withdrawl from your binge usages. Even if you quit now, you will still need about a year of recovery from the chemical changes you have made in your brain from those high dosage binges. And even a year of abstinence may or may not get you back to your pre-adderall mindset

[AddyFiend]

I mean yes this binge today and one other binge were pretty bad, but besides that the most I've ever taken at once is probably 50 mg in a day.  I know that isn't considered healthy, but I doubt that this would cause longterm depression.  This depression did not even kick in until a month after I last took it.  Also, although I did take it roughly 20 times before taking a long break, would that really be enough times to cause damage?

 

Edit: I'm still feeling the Adderall so I'm going to wait until I'm totally sober to think this through more fully. Thank you for the idea though...I honestly didn't think that could be the cause, although I guess if I'm in denial that I'm an addict then naturally I would not have thought about it.  I sleep all the time too, which does make sense.

 

Edit again: Threw away the rest of my bottle.  Gonna go see my therapist and see what I should do next.  Peace and love fellas, and best of luck on beating the addiction or congratulations if you already have!