AA/NA

[hyper_critical]

Are there any AA or NA members out there?

 

I entered treatment April 13th for Adderall addiction, did 18 days at a short-term rehab, then three months at a men's extended inpatient facility. I've been out and hitting meetings daily for a couple months now (coming up on six months clean), but am having a really hard time getting into my step work. 

 

Is Adderall addiction different? I certainly needed the help I got to quit and stay quit up through now, but I don't have cravings, and do have serious reservations about adopting the 12-step way of life.

 

Are there any success stories here of people who quit without AA or NA and are now enjoying a clean, fulfilling life?

 

TIA,

 

HC

[JustinW]

I am coming up on 9 months clean and I did not use AA or NA to quit.  I don't know if that counts as a success story or not.  I consider myself recovering not recovered; don't know if I will ever change that though.  Life is what you make it and I would say that I have a fairly fulfilling life but it ain't perfect.  Quitting adderall actually helped put a lot of my life in perspective and I have been working at being happy with the things that are truly important.

 

edit:  look at me trying to add another month under my belt, it was poor math, honestly.  I am coming up on 8 months clean

[LILTEX41]

Hi Hyper Critical,

 

I was in and out of AA for 18 years.  The longest I ever stayed sober in AA was 1 year.  I found Smart Recovery and I am coming up on 3 years clean from Adderall as of Nov. 10.  I had two lapses on alcohol up until now.  Smart Recovery was a godsend for me.  It has EMPOWERED me and taught me that my sobriety is my choice.  Smart stands for Self Management and Recovery Training.  It is based on cognitive behavioral therapy.  It is not my entire recovery process, but it is the main piece that has gotten me to where I am today.  I decided that I would carve my own path of recovery.  I would individualize for myself and use any and every tool I could possibly find to be helpful. Smart encourages people to do that. 

 

I do know there are other non 12 step based programs out there.  Here's a link with some examples. http://alcoholism.about.com/od/non/

 

Just know that this is your life and you CAN recover ANY WAY YOU WANT.  Anne Fletcher wrote a great book called, "Sober for Good" which I highly recommend.  It has lots of stories of people who got sober using different programs, therapy, or even some that did not use any program whatsoever.   Your choice.  Beautiful thing, huh? 

 

This is a great support forum for quitting Adderall though.  It is specific and here you will find people just like you who know exactly what you are going through.  So welcome!

[Cassie]

I've been to a couple NA meetings here and there, but never done the steps. I'm introverted and feel goofy sitting through those kinds of meetings and listening to people whose lives were more fucked up than mine will ever be. I've been sober over a year and a half now.

 

As far as Adderall addiction being different - it's not really any different from meth addiction. If you tell people you were addicted to amphetamines they will assume you're referring to either meth or Adderall. If you have former meth addicts in your meetings they are good to talk to because they have the same recovery issues as you - much different from alcoholics for example.

[Zerokewl]

I'm going to check out a Smart Recovery meeting this evening. 

[hyper_critical]

Thanks for the replies, all.

 

1Bad - congrats on the *8* months. I'm trying to work on being happy and focus on what's important as well. Just not sure how/what/when/etc. I've got a lot of work left... : ) Addiction is certainly a disorder of pleasure.

 

LILTEX - I've heard of SMART and looked into it half-heartedly. Definitely going to check it out now. And thanks for the book recommendation. I can identify with people here far more than anywhere else.

 

Cassie - wow, a year and half...good for you. I tried NA, but there wasn't enough good recovery at the meetings I've been to for it to be safe for me. 

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Hey H-C (by the way, why that handle?  you don't seem so hyper-critcal to me, you seem kinda nice!)

 

I realized today I'm a lot further along than I thought.  I've been saying I'm about 9 months in... for a couple of months.  In fact it's nearly a year.  I quit without NA or AA - just me and the internet and this forum.  As you can see, I'm addicted to this forum.  I read a lot of the books that IR and others have recommended, and wrote about recovery here.  Some of my earlier posts reflect my mental state at the beginning of my recovery - I could barely string a sentence together.  That seems like such a long time ago, it's hard to believe how much has happened within one year. 

 

Congratulations on really committing to your quit.  How are you feeling now and where do you think this little community can help you/you help us?  Seems like you have done it in a really thoughtful and dedicated way.... (although clearly a lot of assumptions go in to that statement...)

 

MFA

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

I'm going to check out a Smart Recovery meeting this evening. 

I'm really interested in this.  LILTEX you have been so 'soft sell' with it, but it has clearly changed your life... and the way you write with clarity and optimism and determination and positivity is a testament to you and the program.  I might check it out...

[LILTEX41]

MFA,

 

So glad to hear you might check out Smart. It has been so helpful to me.  What I love the most are the voice online meetings.  I always get something out of them and it's great to help encourage others as well.  The thing about Smart that I found the most helpful was that it placed my recovery back in my own hands.  I don't want to get in to anything negative on here about AA, but then again I wouldn't really be being honest if I didn't share some of the reasons why I think it failed me.  I feel like when I went to AA I was programmed to think of myself in a way that was psychologically damaging and destructive....ESPECIALLY when I would fall off the wagon and relapse.  Being advised I was "powerless" and doomed to a life of either jail, institutions, or death if I drank from the time I was 14 did not help me in any way shape or form.  I believed I was an alcoholic at 14 (the first time I was mandated to attend AA) and that I would never be able to drink alcohol again.  That is what my first counselor told me.  I was 14 years old.  Imagine hearing you don't get to ever go to parties or do all the normal things everyone does for the rest of your life at that age.  You will now have to attend AA meetings for the rest of your life and be sober or you will be a raging drunk.  So what happened to me was that I would try to go to AA like a good little daughter and make my parents proud, but then I would get fed up and sad because I wanted to do all the normal things with my high school friends.  So I'd finally say, SCREW IT and go drink. However, all the programming in my brain told me I was totally powerless and doomed so I'd always get hammered drunk.  This became an ingrained habit and pattern that stuck with me for 18 years....well, until I found Adderall.  Then with Adderall I could actually stay awake, but I totally was out of control.  Anyhow, I would get crazy and then bad things would happen so I'd hang my head in shame and walk back to AA (where they always take you back smiling and grinning like, "we told you so"), etc.  Anyhow, 18 years of constant in and out of AA.  When I read Sober for Good, I was given HOPE.  Hope that maybe I could recover without AA.  That was exciting.  I also tried Women for Sobriety back like 10 years ago.  That was a good group, but didn't hit the nail on the head for me the way Smart did.  Smart helped with my thinking mostly.  It has taught me how to dispute irrational thoughts and view recovery in a rational logical way.  Basically, it set up the stage for me to kind of figure out how to have a full and satisfying life in recovery.  It emphasizes the fact that your life just begins when you get stop your addiction and now you need to FILL IT UP!  They encourage everyone to get engaged in activities, hobbies, family, friends, and go out and live a satisfying full life.  They have all kind of tools, articles, essays, self help stuff you can do if you feel like it.  Nobody ever puts a gun to your head and bosses you around.  The whole program is basically designed to encourage the individual to find his own answers and become self sufficient rather than dependent on anything or anyone outside of themselves.  So in a nutshell, it really just depends on if you are someone who is intrinsically or extrinsically motivated.  If you need someone else to call you out and push you around a little bit, then AA might be more up your alley.  That is exactly why it never worked for me though.  I HATE people telling me what to do.  So that's why I liked Smart.

 

As far as my optimism and determination.  Well, I'll just say that it started with a man named Joel Osteen.  I started reading his one of his books while I was training for the Ironman and he rocked my world.  I don't think I would've done anywhere near as good as I did without him.  He helped me stay in the positive all through my training and helped me change my thinking patterns to think like a winner.  I was a negative black cloud for the past 18 years.  Joel has inspired me and changed my life  He is my hero.  I started actually attending his church a month ago.  He is amazing.  You can watch all of his sermons on youtube for free. I highly recommend them. 

 

Also, recently I found some amazing new material on Neuroplasticity methods.  I have been meditating everyday and using a couple other programs for my food issues.  It's really awesome.  Making a giant impact.  I actually just created a dream board the other day.  It is super awesome!  Let me know if you are interested. I think everyone should do this!! 

 

Ok, that's all I got for now.  I gotta do some work! 

 

By the way, you sound so amazing.  So awesome you almost have an entire year!!!!   WOW, how far you've come in such a short amount of time!  Keep up the great work girlfriend!!!

 

Hugs!!!

[Zerokewl]

So i attended a SMART meeting.   I'm still trying it, I was also late for the meeting. My initial impression positive.  I'm going to try a few more meetings.  Will update later. 

[LILTEX41]

Awesome Zero!  See if you can get into a Tool Time meeting. Those are really great. 

[hyper_critical]

MFA,

 

Haha, there are definitely worse things to be addicted to!

 

@hyper_critical is my Twitter handle, which I started last November (https://twitter.com/hyper_critical). The fund I worked at used elements of complex systems analysis, which includes the study of critical states. "Hyper-critical" was our take on where certain volatility markets were when I set it up, and happened to be a reflection of where I was at in my addiction. When I go back and read tweets from last November-April, boy is the mania evident...

 

Thanks for your supportive words. I'm feeling pretty good day-to-day. My self-care is improving, and I feel like I'm approaching the point where I can start thinking about what I want to do next professionally. 

 

I'm not sure what I'm looking for from this community, to be honest. Right now, identification is an enormous benefit to me. Sometimes I feel like the people in recovery I interact with and my treatment team, not many of whom have a lot of experience with primarily Adderall addiction, don't really get where I'm coming from and what my problems are. I still get an enormous amount out of them, and more often than not when I become frustrated it's because I'm choosing to "identify out," but most people on here seem to truly "get it." And hopefully I can help a newcomer by sharing some of my experience and insight.

 

Best,

 

H-C

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

I just looked at your twitter feed.  You and I are from the same universe.  I am awestruck that you went "public" on your twitter about your recovery.  That's bravery.  I have throngs of ex-colleagues who simply think I went crazy and left the industry.  I always think you find out who your real friends are when you don't have a title or AUM next to your name.   And I understand your handle name, now.  Adderall has an amazing ability to remove any sense of trust from our entire existence.  I can't imagine trading while on it.  Ugh.  You must have NEVER been able to relax or put it to rest.  You must be so happy that is all behind you!

 

The thing I love about this forum is more than that we share a common understanding of the very unique nature of adderall addiction and recovery.  This is a place where people talk about their lives before, during and after adderall.  And many relapse and come back here (to quote others, recovery is a non-linear process).  I've never seen a forum that has been so full of respect and encouragement, and people who kind of understand each other, if that makes sense.

 

LILTEX, I read up on Smart recovery.  I like it - it's simple, refreshing, applicable.  I like the fact that there are tools you can use.  I couldn't really get in to AA/NA because of the "higher power" concept, to be honest.  Just can't get my head around it any more.  Also I like the online aspect too.  And there are some really good life tools on there as well, like the stuff on negative self talk and the stuff on self image.  Really useful. Thank you.  

[Zerokewl]

HC Your twitter feed is pretty interesting lol. I've experienced that sort of mania near the end of my abuse.