RScapricorn6 Posted December 25, 2011 Report Share Posted December 25, 2011 I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 6 years old. I was the typical hyper kid, that ate way to much sugar, and was disruptive in class, hated boring school work, and couldn't sit still for very long. I was a typical kid, but the teachers were tired of putting up with me, and met with my parents and told them that they should consider ritalin. I went to a school psychiatrist and he put me on ritalin. I didn't really like it. But after a few years of ritalin, I was put on adderall, and have been for about 15 years. It was, in hindsight a mistake. I grew to love the dopamine rush, after taking the pill. Instantly, no matter what i was doing, i was happy, content, focused and organized. I graduated college top of my class, but I have stopped using adderall since then, and have found out that i am not really interested in what my degree was in. Adderall made me interested. Adderall, for me, could make anything interesting and pleasent. It is extremely addictive, and I abused it more than once which caused amphetamine psychosises for which I had to be hospitalized. I tried to stop numerous times, but I kept going back to adderall. It was such a big part of my life. After a months worth of inpatient rehab, I finally stopped using adderall, and have been off it for the past three months. Withdrawing the first month was horrendous, i had no energy to do anything, and was miserable. But it got better. Now, life is new to me. No matter where i was, or what i was doing, adderall made me feel upbeat, happy, focused everyday for 15 years, soon after taking the pill. Now I got to get used to the ups and downs of life. But now, i know what i am truely interested in, and what truely makes me happy and vise versa. For the longest time, adderall dictated that for 8 hours a day, no matter what, I was happy and interested. I feel finally like my true self, and I am getting to know myself and my new life without adderall. For all those who are using adderall, I must say that its not sustainable, eventually you will have to stop using the drug. Long term use of amphetamines is not recommended. I had to change psychiatrists before and if that doctor wouldn't prescribe me adderall, I would search the phone book, call everyone until i got my pills, or call friends and buy theirs. Adderall was so hard for me to let go, but finally i am willing and able to start my life over without adderall, i am excited, but alittle nervous, insecure and unconfident. I could go back to chasing adderall. But for me, I'd much rather embrace my true self and learn how to live without it. Thanks for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted December 26, 2011 Report Share Posted December 26, 2011 "For all those who are using adderall, I must say that it is not sustainable, eventually you will have to stop using the drug" That is the bottom line. RS, I couldn't have said it any beter than that. Good job with your first post and welcome to this post-adderall community. Don't worry about not being interested in what your college degree was in at this point. You have a degree and that is huge. Many employers just want to see that somebody can stick with college long enough to get a degree and what it is in doesn't really matter unless you have grown to hate the subject. I got a BS degree in Animal Science and realized after I graduated that I really didn't like raising animals - and that was long before I discovered adderall. The biggest discovery of your life has yet to be made: getting to know yourself for who you REALLY are without the fog of adderall. You will be discovering "normal" for the first time in your adult life and that might take you a couple of years or more. Life is made up of peaks and valleys and off adderall, the peaks will offer spectacular vistas, while the valleys will feel like you are in Hell. Welcome to LBA (life beyond addiction). At the age of 21, your brain is still developing for a few more years so don't get in a hurry to be an "adult" and enjoy the journey free of addictive drugs like adderall. Congrats on three months off adderall and may you never return to that awful addiction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted December 29, 2011 Report Share Posted December 29, 2011 Congratz on getting off of it. I've been off for thirteen months. This really will be a process of getting to know yourself, and you will find that you are a completely different and better person off it. In time, trust me, you'll be asking yourself 'what was I ever thinking?'... If you've experienced amphetamine pyschosis several times and gone into rehab for a month, then you know very well that at a certain point the drug really begins to wreck your focus, your judgement, and disrupts your life... with your biggest priority always being preoccupied with sustaining your pill supply... When hitting psychosis, it makes us paranoid and do all kinds of crazy stuff. When we toy with our dosages in higher and higher amounts, we start experiencing episodes of mania where we feel happy but have an absurd amount of impulsive energy and scattered enthusiasm that's hard to channel productively. And yet, we keep going back for more to keep away the withdrawal, the onset of fatigue. the powerful cravings... At first, I had no idea who I was off of adderall, and that was a weird feeling. Actual, being on the drug after twelve years then suddenly stopping felt weird... then not knowing who I was made everything even weirder. Getting to know your new self is a really eye opening and exciting period. It took a while for me to begin seeing the differences. But every day I discover new things about the way I am now and then I write it all down. I keep a list that grows every day. I read it every day, several times a day, and I think - wow, this is who I am now. I'm so different than before. And much better. For one thing, my days are no longer disrupted with intense cravings for my adderall...and my days are no longer constantly interrupted from the misery of the adderall wearing off...Because of that, I would say my focus has already improved 100 percent. And that's just the beginning... Keep up the good work. You're rewiring your brain for the better now, and it just takes time and soon enough you'll be stronger then you ever were when you relied on pills to make it through the day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RScapricorn6 Posted December 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2011 Congratz on getting off of it. I've been off for thirteen months. This really will be a process of getting to know yourself, and you will find that you are a completely different and better person off it. In time, trust me, you'll be asking yourself 'what was I ever thinking?'... If you've experienced amphetamine pyschosis several times and gone into rehab for a month, then you know very well that at a certain point the drug really begins to wreck your focus, your judgement, and disrupts your life... with your biggest priority always being preoccupied with sustaining your pill supply... When hitting psychosis, it makes us paranoid and do all kinds of crazy stuff. When we toy with our dosages in higher and higher amounts, we start experiencing episodes of mania where we feel happy but have an absurd amount of impulsive energy and scattered enthusiasm that's hard to channel productively. And yet, we keep going back for more to keep away the withdrawal, the onset of fatigue. the powerful cravings... At first, I had no idea who I was off of adderall, and that was a weird feeling. Actual, being on the drug after twelve years then suddenly stopping felt weird... then not knowing who I was made everything even weirder. Getting to know your new self is a really eye opening and exciting period. It took a while for me to begin seeing the differences. But every day I discover new things about the way I am now and then I write it all down. I keep a list that grows every day. I read it every day, several times a day, and I think - wow, this is who I am now. I'm so different than before. And much better. For one thing, my days are no longer disrupted with intense cravings for my adderall...and my days are no longer constantly interrupted from the misery of the adderall wearing off...Because of that, I would say my focus has already improved 100 percent. And that's just the beginning... Keep up the good work. You're rewiring your brain for the better now, and it just takes time and soon enough you'll be stronger then you ever were when you relied on pills to make it through the day. Do you have any suggestions on anti-depressants? Adderall made me feel great, but without it I feel depressed, and stressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted December 31, 2011 Report Share Posted December 31, 2011 Yeah depression is normal (I had it really, really bad), it should gradually begin to lift as time passes.I found taking Effexor to be an effective anti-depressant for post adderall. I hear people having success with Wellbutrin, but I haven't gone that route so I can't vouch for it. Effexor has been fine for me. I take 75 mgs twice a day. Before that I was on 50 mgs once a day for about ten months. One more thing about the depression. You are used to being 'sped up' on adderall. So even when you get back to feeling 'normal' again, it still may seem a little like depression because it's not what you are used to feeling all the time which is 'speedy'. If you're anything like me, your "new" normal may feel like depression but it's not. It just takes some getting used to. No sure if that made any sense!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PostAdderall Posted April 28, 2012 Report Share Posted April 28, 2012 Do you have any suggestions on anti-depressants? Adderall made me feel great, but without it I feel depressed, and stressed. I would recommend staying off of prescription drugs. The idea that a pill can solve your problems is a mindset worth thinking critically about. Isn't that why you took Adderall in the first place? Great in the short run, questionable in the long run. Research extensively any drug that you are considering taking. In my opinion, any drug that can cause severe birth defects in an unborn fetus is probably not good for your system. For example, my doctor prescribed me Effexor when I went off of Adderall. I almost popped the first pill, but decided to do some Google searches. The 3rd or so google result (at the time) was a petition to Wyeth about the unexpected side effects experienced when trying to come off of Effexor (http://www.petitiononline.com/effexor/petition.html). I read some more and decided not to take it unless I wanted to be on it my whole life, which I didn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PostAdderall Posted April 28, 2012 Report Share Posted April 28, 2012 I would recommend the book "the feeling good handbook" by David Burns (I think that is his name). It is a great read, it helps you change your thinking patterns Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted May 3, 2012 Report Share Posted May 3, 2012 PostAdderall, I just read your post about Effexor, and I can tell you first-hand that that drug was awful, in my experience. I was also taking adderall with it at the time, but it had some crazy side effects. I didn't want to be on it anymore, but the side effects of coming off were really uncomfortable and strange. They call it "brain tics," but it basically feels like you're brain is being shocked every so often. I thought I was crazy, until I did a little research and found that it was a normal withdrawal side effect. My counselor pointed out something to me when I asked her opinion on getting on an antidepressant. She described that, in time, if things don't even out, it's something I could think about. She reminded me that, as an adderall addict, I've been addicted to the "quick fix." I haven't wanted to let things just happen, I wanted it to be instant. I hadn't wanted to wait it out and be patient and let my mind and body heal, but I'm more willing to do that now. Long-term amphetamine abuse is something that will take time to recover from. I'm not anti-pharma (just anti-stimulants). I think antidepressants can be extremely helpful. They've helped me in the past, and I have a prescription for Wellbutrin now. I only took it a few days and decided I'd rather wait it out without meds for a little while. I just wanted to give you something to consider in your decision on anti-depressants. I wish you the best! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted May 3, 2012 Report Share Posted May 3, 2012 If you really feel you need an antidepressant you could always take St. John's wort. It's natural and just as effective as an ssri. Plus it's been used for millenia, unlike drugs such as effexor, for which the long term effects are unknown. St. John's wort is the dominant antidepressant in some European countries. Just know that no antidepressant should used long term - you are altering your brain chemistry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jessiem Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 ]A quote by InRecovery - "you know very well that at a certain point the drug really begins to wreck your focus, your judgement, and disrupts your life... with your biggest priority always being preoccupied with sustaining your pill supply... "This is sooo true! 10 years on..18 months off now. Trust me...come back and check out this site every now and then. You will need that reminder as to why adderall is so bad. You will need to be reminded of your bad experiences because only the good ones will seep through in memory as you take this journey off adderall. good luck to you! GodSpeed, Jessie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 JessieM, I think every adderall addict gets to the point where they realize how miserable they are in fighting so hard to sustain their habit - and its around this time they'll begin to decide enough is enough. It's the natural course of the adderall addiction. After reading so many opinions on SSRI's in this thread and a number of other threads in quittingadderall.com, I've decided to take the plunge and get off the effexor I've been on for the past couple years. Prior to Effexor, I was on lexapro for a number of years. And wellbutrin, too. It is true that nothing should be on for the long term. I am not sure whether Effexor has been helping or not - I have just been taking it in case it has, like an insurance policy. And now I realize this isn't necessary. In Effexor withdrawal, I am experiencing the 'brain shocks' that Ashley6 mentioned above - but, honestly, this is just NOTHING - NOTHING compared to the horror of adderall withdrawal! Not even going to complain about it. i'll just plow through my effexor withdrawal with a smile on my face. Thanks for everyone's opinions!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 The root word of pharmaceutical is the greek work pharma. Directly translated it means "poison". Every one of those fucking drugs has some kind of toxic side effect while you're on 'em or comming off them. InRecovery, I hope your journey off the effexor will make you completely pharma-free. It is the best way to be. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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