ddw5053 Posted November 26, 2013 Report Share Posted November 26, 2013 I'm on my second week or so clean from adderall. I've been taking it easy and remembering that I will not take it ever again. I'm ok with that and at peace, really. It's hittin me though what I've been exchanging this whole time by using adderall. I've been exchanging the beauty of conversation, socialization, love, listening, compassion, empathy etc. I'm trying to find my way again and as I stay at my friends house it's really hard to feel normal. I constantly check in with people around me in odd ways as if I'm projecting my abnormal habits on them. Like they can see and feel my presence that is still ridden with a adderall first mentality. Like when I talk or engage in any conversation they are reading into my soul. They know what I've done and I will continue to pay for sins using adderall. I've read though that this is simply the devil. I know it seems farfetched by I cannot give any other explanation. It's like I'm still being tempted to find ANY way to fight love and normalcy. I feel I have every capability right now to be loved and start living a fresh normal life, but I refuse. I have this demon in my head that won't let me feel good about anything. I don't know when this will break, but I continue to pray and read the bible. I remind myself that this is my addiction/devil trying to keep me in this dark place. I don't know when I'l feel normal again but it will happen. I know my relationship with God and self must be rebuilt. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunax Posted November 27, 2013 Report Share Posted November 27, 2013 This is very powerful, and hit home with me because I swear I felt possessed at one point in my abuse/very early recovery (I'm only a little over 2mths clean). But please hang in there, every day gets better, your brain will heal, and before you know it the chatter in your head will just shut the fuck up. I invite you to join the "30 day challenge"...check in with others on here daily, you're not alone! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted November 27, 2013 Report Share Posted November 27, 2013 keep fighting the good fight. Lunax is right try not to pay any attention to what your brain is telling you. Your Brain is essentially in withdrawal and is sending some crazy signals out. Sleep is your friend right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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