kori Posted December 14, 2013 Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 i quit and now i am faced with so many decisions. i am in a toxic relationship that is great one minute and completely fucked the next. i feel no joy, can barely function at work, had to call out, all i feel is depression and all iwanna do is sleep and binge eat and honestly wish i wasn't alive. i am not suicidal but i cant fucking take this. nd living with a d bag who doesnt get it and constantly having major blow out fights every other hour and breaking up every day i cant do this anymore. i need some support i dont have the energy to ask for it. i finally mustered up a little bit to write this but that';s all ive got. could refill and "solve" all of this ...my room is a mess my life is a mess i feel like a failure and i have an opportunity to move across the country to live with a family member but idont want to be impulsive or hasty in any decisions as i am still somewhat in love with this person. but every day that passes nothing changes my life becomes more messy and i feel more hopeless and weak. this is NOT who i was before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted December 14, 2013 Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Kori, My heart goes out to you I know where you are at. Adderall fucks with your brain chemistry. You are still in the throws of withdrawal. You will level off soon it will feel better. I felt suicidal for a month or two. You may wanna talk to your doctor about anti-D's some vitamin D may help. Your brain chemistry is doing some flip flops. I know its hard but a refill won't solve this Adderall caused this. It gets better it really does. Clean your room because motivation follows action. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kori Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 thanks..and ur pic made me laugh lol. first time i smiled today. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kori Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 an yea pretty much felt suicidal for the past couple days i wish it was only the medication i was trying to kick, not having to make a decision to leave my boyfriend and cmpletely relocate. ugh my story is way too long and complicated tell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Yah, understandable. I know I felt that way some days, my post Adderall breakup certainly didn't help. Laying in bed all day doesn't help either you need to get up walk, run or do something mildly physical to clear your head. Might help change your perspective. I really can't give relationship advice because I have limited experience in that department. Tho a change of scene, may be good for your mind grapes. Either way do what makes you the most happy. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kori Posted December 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 youre right ill put more effort into tomorrow...hate the thought of how many days/time ive squandered away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Jon Posted December 17, 2013 Popular Post Report Share Posted December 17, 2013 Kori, I hate the number of days I have squandered away too, including an entire 3 day weekend in bed and on the couch this weekend! The one and only thing I did that was constructive was cook myself one nice meal. It took 2 hours from beginning to end (including clean up) and that was all I had. I can relate completely about the NO ENERGY issues...and who wouldn't be depressed with no energy in the early days of recovery? And by early days of recovery, I'm talking about the entire first year! People do not recover from a drug addiction in a few months. Would you really want to have to cover this ground again? I hven't cleand my house since I quit. I keep up with the essentials: food shopping (as smart as I can), eating, bathing, dishes, mail, snow and work and a small amount of time with friends and family. That's all I am capable of. I'm not happy about it, but that's what it is for me. A relationship? I am simply not available. I wouldn't want to be in one even with the most understanding of partners. It's just too much to ask of myself or of another. It's great if others have more will power than me and are able to force themselves to do more, but for me, it's not here yet. I've had some good days where I'v taken some nice hikes, but the days are so short now. It makes it harder. If your partner can't deal with you in a dysfunctional state to recover from a serious drug addiction, then you have to set your priorities. I know that sounds brutal, but I don't see how you can do both in your current situation. Maybe there are some wiser, more experienced voices out there to offer you hope for having both a successful recovery while maintaining a relationship where your partner expects the person you were on Adderall. You are thinking well to not make impulsive or hasty decisions now. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted December 17, 2013 Report Share Posted December 17, 2013 I too wish I haven't squandered so much time in recovery. Especially in the earlier days I was basically a lump that breathed and ate the occasional breakfast slam at Denny's. Almost seven months a long I still have days spent crashed out on the couch. I feel so much better than I did 6 months ago and so much better than when I was using. Everyday things improve and all those small changes add up. Lately I've been going to gym 4 days a week though I put the minimum effort in. A fit member blesbro advised me to just get in the habit of going to the gym. I swim 20-30 min and sit in the steam room. I'm turning up the intensity and frequency slowly. Gawd damn this is so hard some days... rebuilding your motivation and confidence from zilch. I struggle. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted December 17, 2013 Report Share Posted December 17, 2013 I keep up with the essentials: food shopping (as smart as I can), eating, bathing, dishes, mail, snow and work and a small amount of time with friends and family. You are keeping up with the snow? That's a whole lot better than I. I just couldn't drag myself out to the driveway last night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted December 18, 2013 Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 i quit and now i am faced with so many decisions. i am in a toxic relationship that is great one minute and completely fucked the next. i feel no joy, can barely function at work, had to call out, all i feel is depression and all iwanna do is sleep and binge eat and honestly wish i wasn't alive. i am not suicidal but i cant fucking take this. nd living with a d bag who doesnt get it and constantly having major blow out fights every other hour and breaking up every day i cant do this anymore. i need some support i dont have the energy to ask for it. i finally mustered up a little bit to write this but that';s all ive got. could refill and "solve" all of this ...my room is a mess my life is a mess i feel like a failure and i have an opportunity to move across the country to live with a family member but idont want to be impulsive or hasty in any decisions as i am still somewhat in love with this person. but every day that passes nothing changes my life becomes more messy and i feel more hopeless and weak. this is NOT who i was before.Kori, I'm sorry you have so much on your plate right now. Congratulations on your decision to quit. As awful and dismal as it may seem right now, it gets better. While I don't know your relationship, I do know what I went through after quitting. I was settling for a dysfunctional relationship with a man that did not want a future with me. I spent three years with him, and while we did have good times and I will always care about him, I would NOT choose a partner like him off of adderall with a clear head. I shifted from thinking I couldn't live without him to "what the hell am I doing in this relationship?!" We did go through some of my recovery together, then eventually ended it, and I KNOW that was for the best. My point being: adderall can really mess with all aspects of your life, especially relationships. Maybe you should focus on getting through early recovery without adding any additional stressors (a break up)and reevaluate the relationship when withdrawal has eased up on you a bit. I think you might be surprised by your shift in perspective on the whole relationship. Hang in there. You can do this! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kori Posted December 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Great advice ashley, makes complete sense to me. Thank you so much! You give me hope 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZombie Posted January 12, 2014 Report Share Posted January 12, 2014 Kori, I was engaged a few years ago and in a very similar sounding relationship. He was emotionally abusive. We fought all the time. I can honestly tell you I was terrified of breaking up with him because I DID love him and we had a LOT of fun together and everyone thought we were so perfect for each other. But here's the thing. When I finally did break up with him (and made sure I didn't have to see his face after the breakup), I felt RELIEVED. I could move on. I wasn't stuck in something that brought me down anymore. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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