_j3ss__ Posted December 20, 2013 Report Share Posted December 20, 2013 I'm sitting on my couch stimulated but exhausted. I havent slept in 48 hours and studied for 2 finals. I'm fried. I had to call out of work because I knew I would be crashing from adderall during my shift. I realized that I've bought more adderall this month than my prescription even gives me. I've realized that I'm an emotionless zombie. That I struggle to have conversations with my family unless I'm 1) on adderall 2) in euphoria from lack of sleep. I realized that I drink almost every night to come down off of my adderall. That I make calendars to track how many pills I have left...making sure that I have enough to get me through the month. I lose track of how many "mgs" I took in a day. I am done. Genuinely tired of this. I've been tossing the idea around in my head for the past 3 months about quitting once and for all. I've been taking adderall for 4 years now. It's been a downhill journey that I am officially admitting ended with addiction. I don't want to be on this for the rest of my life, I'm only 23. I want to be myself again. I want to not be exhausted when I'm not on a pill. I want to genuinely laugh. I want to not worry about what days of the week will be my "all nighters". I want to get married and have kids and I'll never do that if I'm an adderall junkie. I want today to be the day. I just spent 3 hours on this website and was filled with motivation. Its just the thought of dumping my prescription down the toilet that makes me timid. It's one thing to SAY I wont take adderall...its another thing to not have any left on my so that I have no option but to not take it. I need motivation. Please. I'm so so so ready to get my life back that has been stolen from me since 2009. I want to meet the real me again. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted December 21, 2013 Report Share Posted December 21, 2013 You described me about this time last year being exhausted and not being able to sleep, or running out of pills and being a puddle on the couch. It is such a crazy train of ups and downs and needing more and more pills to just function. Ending the vicious cycle isn't easy. But continuing as an addy-junkie is a different kind of hell. Read up in the article section on what to expect in first few months. You will need to plan your quit, when you crash you will have no energy for a month or two. You may want to take a few less classes next semester. I know this all sounds scary but once you get free of this stuff your mind will open up and some remarkable things will begin to happen. I'm almost seven months along for me the first 4 months were brutal. Without the great people on this site to guide me through the early days I wouldn't have made it. Post here often and let us know how you are doing. The best thing you can do know is read up on everything you can and prepare to quit. Welcome aboard! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted December 21, 2013 Report Share Posted December 21, 2013 If you are a maintenance user (taking Adderall every day), try taking a vacation day—adderall free. Try this on a day where you have no responsibilities. That's how I got my quit started. I took a vacation day and lived through it. I started my quit a week later. The vacation day gave me the confidence that I could do it and motivation to begin. Then I became addicted to this website because without the support here, I wouldn't have made it very far. You need to become involved here. This is your window of opportunity to quit. Windows of opportunity do not present themselves very often. The drug has a unique way of masking and numbing over what you are realizing today. Trust me, the drug can keep you hooked for much longer than 4 years. Good luck! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_j3ss__ Posted December 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 21, 2013 Thank you so much for the support. Its great that a group like this exists, I had no idea that so many other people struggle with the addiction. Today was the first day that I realized that if I dont stop now, this will be my story for the rest of my life. I want my story instead to be about quitting the addiction and recovering. The sad thing is, I don't even remember who I am without it. I was 18 when I started taking it and so much has happened in the past 5 years. I'm ready to finally let my true personality come through and forever be rid of the robot that adderall makes me. I will keep in touch! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted December 21, 2013 Report Share Posted December 21, 2013 I felt the same way when I found this site. I had no idea how to get clean before I came here. Mid twenties is a great time to be figuring out who you are. This shit aint easy, but I think you realize life on Adderall isn't possible either. The choice is yours, we are here to help each other. Reach out as often as you need. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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