Luckyducky Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 My story started a little over 3 years ago. I was a stay at home mother of 3 and had a pretty good life. I had always enjoyed life and especially being with my family. I even loved my husband! lol In Oct 2009 I tripped and hurt my neck nothing too serious but after a few weeks in pain I was given Percocet. Never being addicted to anything and haven taken the occasional VIcoden for small surgeries I didn't think or know anything about pills then. So a year later of abusing pain med s I became aware I was addicted. I detoxed at home and only told a few friends to help me through it so I can keep my dirty little secret to myself. It was HELL but I convinced myself I was only physically addicted. So after about a month of clean time I felt so depressed still and had no motivation or desire to do anything. I decided to try my oldest sons Ritalin that was left over in the cabinet because he was put on something else. I hated the feeling at first but loved the fact that I got everything done! After a few days of taking it I realized I might get addicted to this too and didnt like the come down, so I flushed it! A few weeks later I was feeling overwhelmed because I had so much to do so I decided to try my sons "new" medication Adderall. This one is great the come down is not as bad as the Ritalin! I went and got my own script and i was off running! Someone offered me a job and I took it (being a stay at home mom last 13yrs) I am supermom I can do it all! Things are going great for a while.... I am working, cleaning house, social activities for kids and I cant believe I ever lived life without Adderall. Until 6 months in I am taking 90- 120 mg a day to maintain which meant I took some of my sons meds to keep up with my addiction. I began to isolate, ignore my kids emotionally, not want to see or spend time with people. My house look like a tornado hit it. I then realized I needed helped I went into an inpatient program which was okay buy I still didn't think I was like anyone or even an addict at that! Obviously I wasn't ready to get help because I was still in denial I was an addict. I kept relapsing on any ADD meds I could get my hands on. I went back on Adderall and my addiction was off again running . My life began to fall apart because of my emotional neglect of my family I could see things changing. I lost my social circle, let go as a girl scout leader and my kids were out of control because I had become such a flake! In Jan 2013 I entered the same outpatient program knowing I was a true addict! I was in the program for about 6 months and learned alot.The day after I graduated from my program I broke my foot and would have to be off my feet for 3 months! Well that meant letting everything go because by now I hate my husband and he does not help with any house work, kids homework etc.....I kept telling myself its okay if the house is a mess and nothing done its better than using.....until my oldest son (16) told my he felt suicidal and needed to go somewhere to get help. I put him into an inpatient program and we start the therapy program by this time the DR has allowed me to walk on my foot about 15 - 30 mins a day. My son complained how messy the house is and how I never take him anywhere or make dinner. I explain I have a broken foot but the therapist was an ass and didn't want to hear it. So now I go back to my Adderall addiction because that is the only way I can keep up (thats what I tell myself) So now here I am again addicted to that crap again and I have become a binge user this time around. I keep quitting for a few days then right back on. I have told all my doctors I am a pill addict so thats covered. I found this website and for the first time I feel someone gets whats in my head!!! Today I chose not to use and will try to reach out on this website because I am not alone. Sorry for all the mistakes I just needed to share. Mom Addicted to Addy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story. Just remember this, recovery is just a whole bunch of days, minutes, seconds, and breaths strung together. You made it through today and you can make it through the next. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 Hey Lucky, Your story has left behind the same fingerprints as the rest of us caught in the spider web of speed...not ADD medicine. Let's call it what it is. It's pharmaceutical grade speed, thus the easier come down....at least for a while. You were shown you could do everything only to have the carpet pulled out from beneath your feet! Then you lost your friends, you cleanliness, your kids trust and your mind. It's a trick that is familiar to us all, with only a change in the details of the story. I see positive things in your post. You know that you have a propensity to addiction, whether it is daily or binging, whether it's pills, cigarettes, booze or whathaveyou. You don't want to jump out of the frying pan into the fire. I think you know this deep down and that is always the BIG first step. You have told all your doctor that you are a pill addict, so you cut off your speed suppliers, except for your son's supply. So you have that to take care of. You could sign-on for the "30 day challenge" in the My story section. You could get others quitting with you at the same time. It is a powerful tool. Keep taking steps in the right direction and cover this website like a scene from Dragnet. Read all of Mike's articles. Read the threads. With commitment, education and guts, talking the talk will become walking the walk. Keep coming back! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckyducky Posted January 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 Thank you Jon and Justin! I appreciate the encouragement ! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freebird Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 Hey lucky I am new to this site as well and not nearly as gifted at providing you with information as other people here. But I read your story this morning. And I too am a stay at home mother and I found myself thinking about you though out my day hoping and wishing you the courage and strength to stay strong. I just thought I would let you know you know that you are not alone. I don't know if that helps, but just you should know. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckyducky Posted January 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 I love that so much Freebird. It's nice to not feel alone in this. As a mom I always feel like I barely get anything done which is going to be my biggest battle "to learn to let go" I am going to try to post everyday and read all the articles. I'm glad to have a mom going through this with me. Thank u for reaching out it means more than you know:) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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