quitting for women

[weighting4better]

Just wondering (ya'll may have discussed this already), but do any of the owners of these forums have special tips for women for dealing with side effects of drugs for women?

 

Because women (in general)  are the ones who are expected to clean house, take care of children, whilst also maintaining a perfectly fit and trim body with energetic, engaging demeanor, it almost seems as though the side effects of quitting this drug have a special  "kick you when you're down" kind of flavor for us.

 

For these reasons does it take extra motivation/tricks for women to quit and stay off of this drug? 

 

Making staying fit/cleaning (the two most important and favorite activities in women's lives, after all ;-) seems to be possible important strategies in facilitating stopping this drug (vs. the much more daunting task changing societal expectations??!!)

 

Have any of the owners of this site tried using a Roomba?  (or other, similar technological devices that are proven to do more help than harm?).  Having a helpful, friendly robot in the house to help with getting things done when you're in recovery seems like a smart (and easy) way to manage the expectations of others whilst dealing w/the withdrawal side effects.

 

Other things that have helped me personally is having a husband who doesn't focus on every minutiae of my body (as though looking for flaws), and who projects an aura (much) more of calm acceptance vs. non-acceptance, simple indifference, or "pseudo-acceptance".

 

Any other tips from women who have taken this drug and stayed off of it (whilst living through that time as a woman)?

[weighting4better]

I'm not trying to say that it's easy for men at all to stop taking this (or any addictive drug, for that matter), just that it is probably a different experience for us gals quitting this particular drug.

[JustinW]

I would agree that it is probably harder for a woman because of the self image issues that you bring up, and also women tend to be controlled more by their emotions than men and quitting is a complete emotional / mental rollercoaster.  I hope that you get the answers that you are looking for.  Since I'm not a woman, I've probably been of little help on this one; but hey, I'm not an owner of the site either.

 

**edited out my double negative in the first sentence to clarify my support of the OP**

[Cassie]

Maybe you can throw some money at the problem, like get someone to clean your house once a week or so for the first couple months? That way you just have to do 'light' cleaning day to day. One thing I did a lot of in the beginning was spending a couple hours on Sunday making a few big meals and freezing them, then not having to cook during the week. I also got many massages and did yoga regularly in the beginning. I threw money at the problem big time.

 

For staying fit, I would focus on your diet instead of exercise. Eating less and/or healthier foods doesn't take up any more time than eating crappy food. Prioritize the strategies that require the least amount of effort as you adjust to being off speed.

 

I agree with Justin that drug use can be different for women because women might use drugs more to regulate their moods, while men might use drugs more to party or as a tool to enhance something about themselves. I don't have kids but I imagine that quitting Adderall and having to take care of kids while trying to recover is a special kind of hell. I'm sure people with kids can chime in more about this aspect.

[Freebird]

WOW!!! @weighting4better I LOVE this post!!! Weighting4better and Cassie already your couple of post have motivated me. Unfortunately I don't have any answers but did look up and forward the roomba site to my husband. He too has been understanding... I knew that gaining weight was going to be another one of the negative side effects of quitting. And gosh have I... but I have really tried not to dwell on that or anything else that I can't to which is still much everything. Again great idea about cooking big meals and freezing them. Starting tomorrow I said I was going to start making healthy meals for myself and my family I have a senior that will be going off to college soon and that boy is so skinny. So gosh thank you thank thank you for just those couple of tips. My brain still seems to be in this fog... BUT I do feel like it is getting better. Just here in the past few days. So geez again I still feel kinda guilty of ALWAYS taking advise but not able to really give ANY tips yet. I don't know MAYBE I will be able to do that soon. ok I am not going to focus on that - I am just going to be THANKFUL I SAW YOUR POST this morning!!!

[JustinW]

I don't have kids but I imagine that quitting Adderall and having to take care of kids while trying to recover is a special kind of hell. I'm sure people with kids can chime in more about this aspect.

Probably harder on mothers than fathers because they are more involved in the daily grind of child rearing (in most cases).  I started to do more, be more involved with, and connect more with my children during my recovery process.  They probably have helped me the most during this journey.

 

I have a lot of respect for good mothers in general - I hope that comes through in these posts.

[Freebird]

Oooops my bad I made a mistake in a post I made earlier but I have already corrected in post above but I didn't realize I had unintentionally left out weighting4better and wanted to be sure you knew that I really appreciate you starting this topic!!!!

[Luckyducky]

Weighting4better:

I am in the exact same boat! I am already overweight so I hate the eating part but the worst has been for me is keeping up with the house and laundry. I have no desire to use at work, functions, vacations but being home is overwhelming. I can't afford a cleaning lady at this time but I am going to have to figure out how to have one a least on e a week till I am more stable. I like the post about making dinners on Sunday and freezing. I will try that. My teenage son Complains constantly because he does his chores but I fall short. I also cannot stand the mess. It mentally messes up my head too. I am not a neat freak but I like it to be picked up. I have a active 7 and 9 yr old too!

[BeHereNow]

I don't have kids, so I can't speak to that special aspect of quitting.  It must be hugely challenging.  I'm also extremely lucky to have a partner who likes to clean and cook.  Unfortunately I don't really have any specific concrete tips to offer.  I like what Cassie said about throwing money at it, and making food in advance.  Shortcuts like that can go a long way and are well worth it.   

 

I do think that a lot of it comes down to how we deal with the deeper-level psychological aspects of quitting. 

 

Work on building your self-confidence.  This part is huge. The fact that women are judged so intensely on our appearance makes quitting especially challenging in terms of how people view us, which definitely affects our confidence.   And the loss of confidence is part of what's so devastating about quitting!  We have to really work at building up confidence in OURSELVES.   So I spend a lot of time directly working on that.  I'll get there someday.  If I'm confident in myself as just plain ME (not some tweaked out version of me), then I'll be much less likely to relapse.  That goes for appearance as well as skills and personality.  Love and appreciate yourself for who you are!!!!

 

Also:  Remember that quitting is also especially rewarding because it ultimately improves everyone's appearance.   For example:  recently, a friend asked me (about another female friend), "What happened to her?? She used to be so beautiful, and now she looks....so....old, and pale, and she has huge red welts from picking her face."  What caused this? You guessed it.   So, keeping the fact that adderall ruins beauty in mind can help you stay clean.

 

I agree that having a supportive partner who understands and appreciates your need to quit this poisonous horrible drug, who accepts appreciates and loves you for who YOU are, and who doesn't scrutinize you or criticize little things, but who sees your beauty and supports you through your quit is really, really important.  (Actually, I think this is something that we all deserve. Nobody should settle for less!)   Having a good support system is important too.  Accept that you are going to need some help during this time.  Ask for it if you need to.

 

Cleaning? Meh. I did the bare minimum for a long time.  I also use it as procrastination.   Same with staying fit.  It takes time to get that energy back.  You don't have to be perfect.  You don't have to live up to what someone else says women should do.  Just be you.  Do your best you can with what you have.

 

In some ways, I'm not sure that the male/female emotions part is all that clear-cut, because there are so many counterexamples  (i.e. men whose personalities are really emotional/sensitive, or women who are more reserved and stoic.)  All I know is, quitting is a MAJOR emotional roller coaster for all of us.   I think it's probably worse for women though.  Because, clearly, female-specific, hormone-related issues that directly affect our emotions can DEFINITELY intensify the already existing emotional roller coaster and depression that comes with quitting.  Like PMS.  Or pregnancy.  Or having a miscarriage (an especially monstrous kind of devastation--a special kind of hell and pain and deep abysmal loss that can never be fully mourned.)    These bring on all kinds of crazy-intense emotions (at least in my personal experience-- OK, I've never shared this, but I went through all of the above during my first 6 months of quitting.  It was absolutely, indescribably horrific and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.)    I can say from experience that all these are intensified exponentially by quitting adderall.  Especially the depression.  It seems there is no end to how deep it can be.  Because both things-- quitting adderall, and hormone-related stuff-- mess with your brain chemistry big-time.   So that sometimes needs to be confronted and treated on deeper levels.  BUT, knowing that it's partially because of brain chemistry is helpful in itself.

 

Just knowing that it's going to be a roller coaster helps.  Knowing there will be good times and bad times.  Be ready for whatever.  Be confident you can handle it.

[BETH]

Great topic. I am six months clean today and am here to say I am finally out the other side. I will never put a mood altering substance in my body ever again. I ran with Adderall for three years and the drug damaged me mind, body and soul. Yes, the weight gain sucks and our bodies punish us for starving ourselves on Adderall, our metabolism gets shot for awhile. Recovery is a process and not overnight. Priorities must be your mind, body and soul and everything else takes a back seat including husbands, kids , houses and EGO! If we don't do this work of quitting this poison...we will not be any good to the others in our life in the long term.

I gained 25 lbs in less than a year struggling to stay off and because of how badly I stressed my body living on the edge, getting minimal sleep, taking Xanax to even get a few hours rest, drinking excessively to come down...this drug almost killed me. I have varicose veins and a cortisol laden belly thanks to Adderall. Fortunately, I surrendered and realized that at 51 years of age, Adderall had no place in my life. It was a great ride for a year but then life just spiraled out of control.

I'm getting my health back very slowly, doing meditation, finally motivated again to work out with intense cardio and weight training, my creative expression is returning and I can look at myself in mirror today with a lot of self love.

Put it down...keep it down. Your Spirit does and will return â¤

[Luckyducky]

Beth: congrats on 6 mths ! I am 47 and been on it for 2 plus years. The depression and lack of emotion is killing me. I feel like I will never be myself again. You give me hope:)

[weighting4better]

Thanks so much everyone for the replies and tips, and I'm glad it was so helpful to start this thread!!! :-)

 

But I don't agree about the statement re: women being more controlled by emotions at all, sorry JustinW!

 

I do have another idea to share, specifically w/the difficulty of just really waking up in the AM without the help of Adderall: "light box" therapy.

 

http://www.amazon.com/NatureBright-SunTouch-Plus-Light-Therapy/dp/B000W8Y7FY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1392118396&sr=8-1&keywords=light+therapy+boxes

 

I've never been diagnosed w/SAD, but I know I am "light sensitive."  After leaving the East Coast to spend a vacation in Southern CA (a large portion of which was spent on the road in the warm California sun, sigh), could actually feel my brain changing - difficult to describe how, but it was certainly real.

 

And I know that the boost I got from taking this drug really helped me get going in the AM, so am now using a light box as a substitute.  

 

Lots of real trials have shown how well these devices work (and w/out the side effects of Adderall, yay!).

[JustinW]

But I don't agree about the statement re: women being more controlled by emotions at all, sorry JustinW!

That's not what I said, so no apology needed.  I made a soft generalization; although it may not apply to you, that doesn't make it any less true.  If my generalization were wrong then Valentines Day would be about football and beer.  The most powerful women I know have embraced their emotions and used them to become extraordinary managers.  What I see as a strength appears that you perceive to be a weakness, unfortunate.

[Zerokewl]

I like how this thread recommends robot helpers as a means for recovery. 

[listful]

I'm a stay at home mom of three kids 5 and under... One's a baby. And yes, it is a special kind of hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I quit before when I didn't have kids and it was nowhere NEAR as hard as it is now.

Two years clean and I muddle through, but with so many things that need my attention RIGHT NOW and so many people depending on me, the desire to go back to the doctor is so overwhelming it feels like drowning. Truly.

It's like this drug was tailor made for stay at home moms. Lord have mercy. And with the ridiculously unrealistic societal expectations of us (ie - keep everyone's lives running smoothly, keep a guest-ready home, and look HOT while you're doing it ... After all, you stay home all day, your life is so eassssyyyyy), it is so tempting to reach for pills to make it all happen.

Special kind of hell, recovery.,,. Damn right. And the guilt, oh my god. That inner voice all the time, "are the kids bored? Will they resent me being lazy and unmotivated off of it? will they resent me being high strung on it? Am I fucking them up? Am I fucking them up? AM I FUCKING THEM UP??????????"

Recovery with kids is a whole other ball game.

[AlwaysAwesome]

My kids are so much happier now that I am clean.  I don't ride their asses about cleaning.  I don't constantly clean around them.  I don't nag them about stupid stuff.  I love to sit on the couch and watch cartoons sometimes...I love Teen Titans Go and Adventure Time.   I would never do these things before...too busy focusing on minutia.  I remember the kids saying that I never played with them.  They don't care about a slightly messy house (have you ever seen Hoarders?).  They want a mom who is present. 

My husband appreciates that when I ask him to do a chore I don't immediately get pissed because he hasn't done it yet.  I no longer freak out and just do the chore myself when he didn't even have a chance to get to it.  Now, it is difficult to stay up later at night for "mommy-daddy time" , but some late evening caffeine does the trick!

 

Stop beating yourselves up, ladies.  As long as your husband has sex and a sandwich every now and then, and your kids have your attention regularly, then you have made them all happy.  I promise.  The rest is just details...