How I knew it was time to quit

[parkerstephen]

     I've never posted on this site before, but I can credit this community with helping me to quit Adderall.  I hope my story will have as much meaning to someone as the ones I read here did to me.  If I can help one person, it will be worth it.

 

     My story starts like many others.  Pressure from my parents to do well in school (when I first started college) and a lifetime of being slightly more energetic than most both led to me being "marked":  ADHD.  At first, I was glad.  It explained why school seemed boring and trivial.  Why I wasn't doing as well as I felt like I should have been.

 

     I went to a "doctor," told him what was going on, and just like that I walked out with a perscription for 70mg Vyvanse (30/month) and 20mg Adderall (30/month).  The drugs were pitched to me and my parents as a miracle drug that would solve all of my problems.  No risk of dependency was ever mentioned, but the doctor did make sure to tell me to "Make sure to take them every day."  I hated the Vyvanse, it stopped me from eating at all.  I was soon moving on to 20mg of Adderall twice a day, but was prescribed three a day.

 

     I'm not a small guy, but this much Adderall wrecked me.  I fell in to the trap of taking them just because I had them, and it was soon a full blown addiction.  I had a summer job at the time and I didn't go to work a single day without waking up early, popping a pill, going back to sleep while it kicked in, and then downing two cups of coffee.  Lunchtime was another pill (but not before or I literally COULD NOT eat anything).  Not sure how I managed to keep the job, I was extremely confrontational and just generally crazy.

 

     By the time school started, I was completely dependent.  Do homework? Take Adderall.  Clean the house? Take Adderall.  Drive?  Take Adderall.  You get the picture.  I never took more than perscribed so I didn't see any harm.  It was around this time that I picked up smoking.  Not sure why, but the pills made me crave nicotine and I was smoking two packs a week.  I also drank a lot of alcohol.  Things were bad, but it was just the beginning.

 

    After about 9 months of popping pills, it finally started to get out of control.  My grades suffered.  I didn't go to classes.  When I did, I was constantly on my phone trying researching my next big Adderall-fueled project.  I would remember something I wanted to do and just get up and leave.  My personal life suffered even more.  My girlfriend (who has been with me through it all and still is) and I argued.  I cheated on her, as much as I hate to admit it and she found out.  I was taking 50-60mg per day, taking half pills at times to preserve it so I didn't have to not be high.  I had outbursts of raw rage.  I cut off all communication with my family.  And even then I couldn't recognize the problems.

 

     Soon, I was staying up days at a time.  I lied to my girlfriend and told her I was asleep on the couch while she slept in my bed.  I told her I'd come in to bed and left without her noticing.  Instead of sleeping, I'd stay up all night on my computer.  Sometimes I would do other things.  I honestly can't remember, those days are really a haze.  My life was a wreck.

 

     One day, after being up all the night before and popping another pill as the sun came up, I realized that I was slowly destroying my mind and body.  I found this site and did a lot of reading.  And then I just stopped taking them all at once.  It was terrible.  I barely got out of bed for days.  I was grouchy, argumentative, and hungrier than you can imagine.  I gained 20 pounds in 10 days after quitting.  But I had my life back.  Every day I went without a pill was another day closer to me.

 

     As I came back in to reality, I realized that I had lost who I was.  Adderall me was not me, and the shame of my actions really set in.  I had acted terribly toward my loved ones and given up many of the things that I hold dearest.  The withdrawals were the most severe for about two weeks, but my mind was still "cloudy" for at least three months after the last pill.  I sort of relapsed once, taking 10mg split up into two parts one day, but haven't touched one since then.

 

     It's been a year now since I quit.  I don't smoke or drink anymore either, which has helped with my overall health.  I've been through a lot, but I can tell anyone who is thinking about quitting, it is so worth it that you can't even imagine.  I wish I could tell every person thinking about stopping:  "Do it NOW!"  I was so unhappy with my life on Adderall.  So thanks to everyone in this community for the inspiration.  I hope that this post will give someone the courage to do the same.

 

 

[LILTEX41]

You are so awesome and how have I never heard a peep from you until just now?!  Thank you for your story.  This is so amazing and inspiring.  I'm sure so many people will benefit from this.  You ROCK!!!!

 

Hugs!!

[Freebird]

Thanks for posting your story!!! I am sure your story will help inspire many to quit adderall and reclaim their life back!

THANKS AGAIN FOR SHARING!!!!

[ashley6]

Parkerstephen,

I'm really glad you came here and shared your story! I could really relate to your adderall story. It just took me a lot longer to catch on that it was ruining my life. I'm truly happy for you and congratulations on a year free from adderall addiction. You're so right....quitting adderall is worth it!

[JustinW]

Congratulations on 1 year away from the beast!  Thank you for sharing your story of encouragement.