Popular Post mike2125 Posted May 1, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 I've been on Adderall, off and on, more on than off, for about 2 years now. Originally, it was prescribed to me when i was studying to take a promotional exam. The doc prescribed 30mgs x 2 a day. He said I should be able to get by on 30, but I could take the 60 if necessary. At the time, I thought I had found the cure to my life's woes. At first, I aced my exam, my work productivity skyrocketed. I was the life of the party. I could drink all night long and wake up the next day, pop a football, and be back to normal. I don't know when I started to notice the slide. I just remember being irritable all the time. I use to always want to be somewhere socially, and all of a sudden I became an introvert. I preferred staying home. I cut off friendships. I convinced myself that I had different values than them and that this was just a part of life. That being alone, isolated, and away from the world was normal as we age. At work, I did great at my job, but had absolutely no friends. I ate lunch by myself. My relationship with my girlfriend began to dwindle. I was one of the unfortunate ones whose adderall use severely interefered with my ability to get an erection. So our sex life took a huge nose dive. I had convinced her I was too distracted by work to have a healthy sex life. Looking back its sad that I chose a pill over sex. If that doesn't say addiction, what does? I also have had moderate high blood pressure most of my adult hood. It would hover around 140/90. After regular use, i would check it and it was not uncommon to be 160/110. I was place on hbp meds. Mind you, I'm very physically fit, I work out Crossfit several days a week. I can run a 5k in under 21 minutes. So having those kind of numbers were upsetting to me, but not enough to quit. I just had my first daughter in late March. I hate to be cheesy, but one look at her and I knew my adderall days are numbered. I can't be a good father for her while I'm on this crap. It makes me feel like a robot. I want to be healthy and happy. And that begins here, with quitting this junk. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freebird Posted May 1, 2014 Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 Hey mike- welcome to the forum. Sounds like you have a bundle of joy to help motivated you on this new journey. I have found this site tremulously helpful. I am sure you will find it benificial as well. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted May 1, 2014 Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 Welcome to the board. Getting free of this stuff is totally possible. Gonna take some time, some effort and some inner strength. The good news is your overall fitness will likely be even better. I bet all the side effects are dragging you down. Take some time and read the articles on this site. Prepare and plan your quit. Your gonna need some crash time. Ask questions we are here to help. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike2125 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 Thanks for the positivity. I always do well when I am held accountable to others. And that's why I'm on this board. I've been reading through it now for a few months. I want people to know that I'm going to quit, because I know other people on this board will keep me honest. I don't want to have to come back on to this board and admit to messing up. I know it's a bumpy road, but I'll manage it. Thank you! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetCarolinee Posted May 1, 2014 Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 You can do it Mike and we are here rooting you on and cheering for you! We are also here to help and be a support system. Also, congratulations on your new baby, that is amazing and I am so happy for you 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike2125 Posted May 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2014 Well, today wen't by pretty smooth. I had taken 90mgs the day prior, so I'm assuming there's still a good amount of adderall still floating around in my system keeping me afloat. I took 1 l tyrosine on an empty stomach as well as some zing and magnesium. I'm going to do my best to keep my caffeine intake to minimum. I didn't feel like I needed it today, so I had none. I had no real physical craving, but definitely had the emotional/mental cravings. It wasn't hard to fend off, but I keep thinking about 3, 4 days from now when the withdrawal is really kicking in. I'm also upping the intensity on my workout routines. I'll keep everyone posted. But so far, so good. I am ready for bed. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shambo Posted May 2, 2014 Report Share Posted May 2, 2014 Congrats of your daughter! Good luck on your quit! Post often and update your progress/condition. I'm rooting for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted May 2, 2014 Report Share Posted May 2, 2014 Good luck on your quit, Mike. You are getting out at the right time. I hope you at your bottom, meaning that you have the fortitude to stick it out quitting for good. You need to find something within yourself to make it stick. This Adderall business is BAD NEWS all around. The help you need is right here. You got this! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike2125 Posted May 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 Yesterday was the first day that it hit me pretty hard not having it. Right around noon I was dragging and just overall felt like crap. My wife and I were at a Farmer's Market and we had our daughter with us. I was carrying her the whole time and it took every ounce of energy to keep up a smile and act like my normal self. I know it's temporary and I've already made peace with the idea that this was going to be a part of the process. We sat down for lunch and I ate a lean meal, but man it just hit me like a ton of bricks when we sat down. I had nothing to talk about. I was totally uninvolved in the conversation. When we got home, I fell asleep for about 3 hours. Today hasn't been much better. I drank an energy drink this morning before church. It helped initially, but after about 30 minutes, I started to drag again. I'm going to hit the gym right now. Hopefully some weightlifting and cardio will get me out of this funk. I've quit before (obviously unsuccessfully) and I remember going through this for about 2 weeks. I just never remember it being as hard as it is in the moment. I'm a fairly driven person though. I know that being dependent on a pill for my happiness and just being normal isn't the way I want to live my life. That's what's keeping me going. I know coming out on the other end will be worth it. It's just this dark tunnel part that really kicks my ass. I'm also starting a new job tomorrow and it's funny how worried I am that I won't be able to perform the way I normally would when I have a full 60 pill bottle of addy's in my cabinet. That's the part that I hate the most. The new job I have is something I got because of work I've done for 12 plus years and now I feel like I can't do it because I don't have my pills. I keep telling myself that it's all in my head. I know it is. Getting myself to believe it is another story entirely. Thank you all again for the support. I know I don't know you individually, but the hell we all feel is what unites us. And that's something that I think makes me closer to you all than my own wife. She's never known addiction. She's someone who can have one beer and stop. I'm the kind that buys a case and finishes it. I'm all about extremes. She doesn't understand why I struggle. You all do. You are all walking in the same shoes I am. So thank you. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shambo Posted May 14, 2014 Report Share Posted May 14, 2014 What day are you on? Have you looked at Wellbutrin? It's been a god send for me. And tv. When I get weird or feel a trigger, I strike a trot to get to a tv. I know that sounds awful and crazy, but I'm just doing whatever works to get clean days accumulated. It will get better. It's way better than it was on day 9 or day 13..... Get through your day. Put one foot in front of the other. Be easy on yourself. It's a process, you know.... And I feel your pain. I really really do. You can do this. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike2125 Posted May 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 16, 2014 Hey everyone, still here. Just haven't had a whole lotta time to get on and give my profress. I'm now on day 15. Days 3 through 5 were definitely the most difficult. But I'll be very honest, after that, I felt...normal. I haven't had any issues with depression, energy deprivation, loss of desire to do stuff, etc. Work is going well, I'm happy most of the time. I attribute all that, though, to my little girl. I may not have notice the loss of energy cause I don't think ANYONE has energy when they have a 6 week old around. I really feel blessed that I'm doing as well as I am right now. I haven't craved it and I know it's odd. I try my best not to think about it because I know it's an easy phone call to my doctor away (he thinks adderrall is a wonder drug). I will keep you all posted. I don't want to get to lackadaisical about it. I know I have to still make the conscious effort to stay away because I know I will justify getting another script by thinking that this time was easy coming off, it'll be just as easy next time when I "really quit". I'm on a lot of supplements that I really think are helpful. L tyrosine, p5p, magnesium, zinc, vitamin c, and B12 have been a great addition and I feel has made a huge difference. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shambo Posted May 21, 2014 Report Share Posted May 21, 2014 Good job! Thanks for the update. I was wondering how you were doing. It's good to hear you sounding positive. Have a great week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike2125 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 Today is day 28. I definitely felt a huge drag from about day 20 to now. I'm not sure though if this is what normal feels like (normal for a father of a 2 month old who still doesn't sleep longer than 4 hours at a time). I broke and called my doc for another script. It's waiting for me but I still haven't gone to pick it up. Rereading my last entry is kind of depressing. I know I am not as upbeat now as I was then. I'm still working out, still trying to stay active, but I'm noticing a lack of motivation, creativity, and desire. I've been drinking energy drinks like nobody's business. The caffeine overload does more harm than anything else. I don't really feel awake, just very anxious and wound up. Ugh. I know I spoke too soon the last time. I keep telling myself one day at a time. I also tell myself that I will get over this hump. I'm tempted to go pick up the script and just shred it. That way I would be forced to take the next two months off. I just know that I won't be strong enough to do it. I'm open to advice. I'm still on my supplements. Thanks for reading. I hope that the next post I make won't be me starting my days without adderrall over again. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted May 30, 2014 Report Share Posted May 30, 2014 Today is day 28. I definitely felt a huge drag from about day 20 to now. I'm not sure though if this is what normal feels like (normal for a father of a 2 month old who still doesn't sleep longer than 4 hours at a time). I broke and called my doc for another script. It's waiting for me but I still haven't gone to pick it up. Rereading my last entry is kind of depressing. I know I am not as upbeat now as I was then. I'm still working out, still trying to stay active, but I'm noticing a lack of motivation, creativity, and desire. I've been drinking energy drinks like nobody's business. The caffeine overload does more harm than anything else. I don't really feel awake, just very anxious and wound up. Ugh. I know I spoke too soon the last time. I keep telling myself one day at a time. I also tell myself that I will get over this hump. I'm tempted to go pick up the script and just shred it. That way I would be forced to take the next two months off. I just know that I won't be strong enough to do it. I'm open to advice. I'm still on my supplements. Thanks for reading. I hope that the next post I make won't be me starting my days without adderrall over again. The first month off adderall wasn't that bad for me at all. It was months 2-4 that were the worst. In the beginning you have the novelty of quitting and excitement of a life change to propel you through. After that wears off the motivation dips greatly. Feeling shitty is normal - it's the price you're paying for having been amped up for however long. Best advice I have is to distract yourself so time passes as quickly as possible (outings, tv, etc) and cut off your supply. You can't relapse if you don't have access to the drug. Also, realizing that this is going to be an extremely long and difficult process will help you keep your expectations in check. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike2125 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 30, 2014 You hit the nail on the head with that. I think because it wasn't so hard early on, I thought I wouldn't have a problem kicking it. Now I'm dealing with the drag of reality. I told myself, I think like everyone else does, to expect to feel like this. To feel sluggish and without energy. It's a whole different ball game when it's happening. I still haven't picked up my prescription. I just know if I do, I won't destroy it. I'll end up filling it. It's times like this that I wish I had never, ever used it. I feel horrible for suggesting to coworkers that they try it. I can only hope they aren't in the same way I am. Don't get me wrong. I don't feel shitty. I feel normal. I feel like how everyone else looks. Instead of being able to work every waking moment of the day, I'm just able to get enough stuff done to not feel like a loaf. I don't feel like sleeping all the time. I just don't feel like I can run through walls anymore. I'll keep you all updated. Thanks again for keeping up with me! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyper_critical Posted May 30, 2014 Report Share Posted May 30, 2014 Hey Mike - you said in your previous post you're open to advice, and you're in a vulnerable spot right now, so I'm going to give you some. That prescription is a nuclear bomb waiting to go off. There is absolutely no legitimate reason for you to pick it up. A friend of mine was in a similar predicament a few months in. Her almost fatal rationalization was "oh, I'll just pick them up and ceremoniously flush them to prove I'm over it." That's insane thinking. "Shredding your prescription" is similarly insane. You're way past that. Call your doc, pharmacy, whoever, and cancel that shit. Or, if it's waiting at the pharmacy filled, have somebody else pick them up for you and get rid of them. No need for you to see or touch those pills that are sure to ruin your life ever again. And if your life isn't enough, remember you said "I can't be a good father on this." Rip off the steering wheel. Don't f around with this. All of the stuff you write about, gets much, MUCH worse. In ways you can read about in these forums. I've been on Adderall, off and on, more on than off, for about 2 years now. Originally, it was prescribed to me when i was studying to take a promotional exam. The doc prescribed 30mgs x 2 a day. He said I should be able to get by on 30, but I could take the 60 if necessary. At the time, I thought I had found the cure to my life's woes. At first, I aced my exam, my work productivity skyrocketed. I was the life of the party. I could drink all night long and wake up the next day, pop a football, and be back to normal. I don't know when I started to notice the slide. I just remember being irritable all the time. I use to always want to be somewhere socially, and all of a sudden I became an introvert. I preferred staying home. I cut off friendships. I convinced myself that I had different values than them and that this was just a part of life. That being alone, isolated, and away from the world was normal as we age. At work, I did great at my job, but had absolutely no friends. I ate lunch by myself. My relationship with my girlfriend began to dwindle. I was one of the unfortunate ones whose adderall use severely interefered with my ability to get an erection. So our sex life took a huge nose dive. I had convinced her I was too distracted by work to have a healthy sex life. Looking back its sad that I chose a pill over sex. If that doesn't say addiction, what does? I also have had moderate high blood pressure most of my adult hood. It would hover around 140/90. After regular use, i would check it and it was not uncommon to be 160/110. I was place on hbp meds. Mind you, I'm very physically fit, I work out Crossfit several days a week. I can run a 5k in under 21 minutes. So having those kind of numbers were upsetting to me, but not enough to quit. I just had my first daughter in late March. I hate to be cheesy, but one look at her and I knew my adderall days are numbered. I can't be a good father for her while I'm on this crap. It makes me feel like a robot. I want to be healthy and happy. And that begins here, with quitting this junk. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted May 30, 2014 Report Share Posted May 30, 2014 Your brain is doing a whole recalibration thing, the reward centers of your brain are going back to normal. Your motivations for working hard have changed, the good news is probably no one will notice at work. Also you can now think strategically at work, laziness is a desirable quality it drives innovation embrace the sloth. On adderall you were working hard not smart. As time goes on you will see the lies the drug creates. Try new things like meditation, yoga, green tea, prayer you will get through this. If you re-fill the cycle only gets worse, you'll become more dependant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyper_critical Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 Well, I just found out she picked up the prescription, got it filled, and relapsed. So, good luck with that. I'm confused and upset so I'm going to stop before I mis-direct those feelings in an unhelpful way. So fucking predictable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 Well, I just found out she picked up the prescription, got it filled, and relapsed. So, good luck with that. I'm confused and upset so I'm going to stop before I mis-direct those feelings in an unhelpful way. So fucking predictable. I didn't get who you meant by "she relapsed"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyper_critical Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 The friend I was referring to in the previous post. Caught up with her yesterday...turns out she hadn't done what we discussed and instead got them filled. So, it's become a cautionary tale... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 Who's she? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 The friend I was referring to in the previous post. Caught up with her yesterday...turns out she hadn't done what we discussed and instead got them filled. So, it's become a cautionary tale... I'm not sure what post you're referring to but that sounds pretty frustrating. You kind of want to just rip it up or call their doctor for them right?. But ultimately they have to want to quit themselves and it's hard to watch them fall down the hole, knowing how deep that hole is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike2125 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2014 I hope you don't mean me! I'm still going strong. Wow, what a roller coaster this has all been! I caught a sinus infection last week also and I think it added to my misery. I went to an urgent care clinic Saturday, got a prednisone shot, and now I feel 100% better. I did not go pick up my prescription. I don't plan on it. I feel great right now. My energy levels seem to be climbing. I don't feel like I need as much caffeine to operate. I appreciate the calm feeling I have now. I just hope it continues. This is the best I've felt mentally in a long time without my pills. I feel more outgoing and joke around more at work and feel more involved with my family at home. My wife has also commented on my mood being better this week. It's just odd that even though I feel good, my craving is still there. I know I'm not anywhere close to being out of the woods yet. I have a trip planned for July (long road trip) and I already have, in my mind, the thought of having some adderall on standby to make the trip more bearable. I can't believe that trip is two months away, and instead of looking forward to time off, my first thought is still about adderall. Crazy how deep a grip this stuff has on us. Keep me in your prayers and thoughts and trust me, I keep you all in mine. This website does keep me going. I hope that one day I can put this stuff behind me. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
txbadger Posted June 6, 2014 Report Share Posted June 6, 2014 Hey Mike, Keep it up, I am right there with you. I have a 4 yr old and 13 month old, and they wear me out so fast. But when I look at them everyday and see them smiling at me I know I HAVE to do this for them. I actually gave my bottle away when I decided to quit and now I am on day 16. I know the roller coaster feeling you have been going through. There were a couple of days where I was craving to take one. Those moments pass, and I force myself to play with my two boys, and when they start laughing and running around it gets me energized. Since you have a baby so young, you are feeling the effects of not getting enough sleep. Make sure you get adequate rest and feed that body. Yes you can, lets kick this habit together everyone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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