Impossible for me to quit

[a_lynne92]

I have been prescribed adderall for almost one year now. At this point in my life I feel like deep down I know I have an addiction to it and that I should probably stop. But theres another part of me that feels like I won't even quit taking the drug because I honestly just don't wish to stop. I really don't know what I have to do to convince myself that I should quit taking adderall. I feel like I am going to be stuck on this drug forever. I also feel like I don't want to ever know what it feels like without it. 

 

I know that I'm misusing my script. I'm surrposed to only take 20 mg XR in the a.m., then 10 mg IR in the afternoon, but my doctor doesn't know how high my tolerance to adderall is at this point. Therefore; every single month I run out of my prescription over a week early...sometimes even two weeks too early. I really feel like I'm at a loss at this point. 

 

Has anyone felt this way? What did it take for you to convince yourself to quit? Is it even worth quitting, or should I make an attempt to control how much adderall I am taking?

[Shambo]

I've totally felt this way. I've lived this way. And trying to control your dose after you abuse it- I wasted years in that vicious cycle. I never made it to my refill day without running out- for 2 years. I never wanted to quit, until I accepted that I accepted I couldn't beat my addiction. Should you try to control it? Good luck. Really. Good luck. Maybe you have Jedi powers.

Is it worth quitting? Yes. When you're ready. Only you can make that choice and know when you've had enough. Rock bottom sucks. But the climb back up is the stuff that life is made of. It's hard. You're humbled when you ask for help. You feel strong. At first I hung my head and hated everything. But today I held my head up. I smiled and looked people in the eye. I feel good without my big secret on my back. I'm a better mom. I think I am close to being cool in social situations. I eat. I quit smoking right away (thank you wellbutrin). Adderall is speed. We all know it. I have a brother In law whose a meth addict. And I felt justified and self righteous in my addiction. I knew and I admit, eating 350mg of adderall and driving my kids to the pool is no better than smoking meth in the backyard before dinner. I'm as much an addict as he is. I see that now. I'm rambling, but good luck to you. When you do quit, don't forget this forum. It's the best support group you'll ever find for quitting adderall. These guys are fucking great.

[JustinW]

Amy, you are a tough act to follow but I'll try to add something useful anyways.  You need to find your own reason to quit that is inspirational and motivational enough to keep you quit and carry you through the darkest times of recovery.  This is different for everyone.  My reason originally was my love of flying and when I realized how messed up I really was my love of my family became my overriding motive.  I hope that you can find your reason and make a successful departure from Adderall hell.  Welcome to the forum, we are here for you.