How do i get over the hump?

[2014Recovery]

Hi

I've been on high doses of adderall for years and hardly had a day off. I've also got PTSD and get distressed easily. I'm down from 100mg daily to 10-15mg daily and been wanting to be off them completely and so does my family but when i try its like i hit a brick wall when i wake up and can't get out of bed and do anything. I'm so use to that motivated, energy, productive thing it gives me on waking which feels like i said i've hit a brick wall before i even can get out of bed. Then i get edgy and then distressed and  depressed and think "I can't do it". There is also the time where i'm wanting to make things i enjoy more exciting and i can't get that without taking another adderall. How do i can through that, what can i tell myself or do to comfort myself naturally when i'm missing the "motivated, exciting, productive" sides to adderall.  I fret  i have to accept to feel depressed or blah for the rest of my life if i come off addy completely ? Does anyone ever get such great joy and motivation and productivity with hobbies for example without Addy .I find this stuff really hard to cope with. HELP !

[Shambo]

It's good that you've come down on your dose. I think you need to relax about the hobby thing. Eventually adderall will kill your creativity but you don't notice. I just got off and I'm chilling and cooking. That's about all. I haven't napped like I have during past quits. I credit Wellbutrin with that. I hate promoting meds but it helped me transition my quit and stop my 23 year smoking habit at the same time.

The creativity will come back to me. I know it will. It's a huge part of who I am at my core. But I'm not going to dwell on it and work myself into a lather. That's a quick way to depression and/or adderall worship.

You can do it. When you're ready, you will. And your family will be so glad to have you back. I've spent more time engaged with my kids this week than I can remember.... Actually laughing and craving affection.... Nice.

[JustinW]

Your hobbies are going to take a significant hit for the first year of recovery at a minimum.  I am still struggling to enjoy building things but I force myself to do a little bit here and there when I am able in the hopes that it will come back to me.

[quit-once]

The one hobby that transcended my Adderall quit was wild game surveillance photography - like that moose in my current avatar photo.  Most of my other interests and hobbies changed.  Adderall really changes your entire thought process, including interests and hobbies.   

2014Recovery- once you finally quit the drug, then you can develop new interests, or pursue your current hobbies if they still interest you, but don't fight the lack of interest, either.  I think you are at a point now where you really need to cease the Adderall consumption for good, or you will have to change your name to 2015Recovery.

[SweetCarolinee]

2014 Recovery,

That's great you were able to come from 100mg to 10-15mg daily -- successfully. That alone must have been hard work. And I'm so glad you found this site. This site is a life saver and I most likely wouldn't be clean WITHOUT this site, it is a Godsent.

My first reaction is (and I hope I don't sound bitchy, that is not how I want to come across) but you definitely are getting a head of yourself in your post and plan in recovery. You need to take it one step at a time, one day at a time and not make yourself so stressed out and overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed just by reading your post. In this time, you need to be or try to be as relaxed as possible. And start off small. You have to crawl before you can walk, run… do marathons.

I know when I'm on a "diet" or lifestyle change… if I think about the big picture (of never eating my favorite pizza again or something), I get overwhelmed and sometimes freak out and stop short or binge. It works the same way with recovery… You need to look at everything first, as a small picture and take smaller steps that make up bigger goals. Seriously though, just take it one step at a time.

You said you haven't had a day off in years. Maybe it's time to take some time off -- use up some of your sick and/or vacation days and use them to manifest a successful plan to quit, quit and recovery/healing time.

Quitting Adderall isn't an overnight thing, to say the least. It may be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your life but it is so freaking worthwhile. I am so much naturally happier without it and I got a new job, that I love and I'm doing great at (knock on wood) that I would NEVER have been able to do speed out on Adderall!

I'm gonna be very honest with you, the first few days… will be very hard. Like you can't get out of bed. I still sleep 12 hours a night and I've been clean since Dec. 28th 2013. I don't have all my energy back yet or my mental health, I'm still healing and recovering, of course but I'm working on myself everyday and am starting to get more and more energy back - little by little.

You should put all your energy into getting clean because I say this all the time, the longer you wait, the harder it is going to be and the more pain you will stuffer -- not only you, your mind, body and those around you. You will have more problems and the bad will start to out weigh the good with Adderall, I promise you that. It always does. It doesn't matter who you are or how strong you think you are. Adderall is stronger and deadly. I was on the ADHD meds for 7 years and I was a wreck the entire time. Drank too much, depressed as shit, crazy anxiety and panic attacks, mind you I never had any of these problems before starting/taking Adderall. I'm starting to feel better now and you will too!

You can do it my friend. We all have been in your shoes. We are all here for you. Definitely stay a while. Read all the topics. Plan your quit. Ask questions. Make Friends. Cut off your supply. All these things are key and helpful towards a successful quit!

[hyper_critical]

2014Recovery,

 

Dude, read over your post. You're addicted to speed. This isn't a sophisticated intellectual exercise.

 

There is a solution. It's not comfortable. It's not quick. But it's the most important thing you'll ever do for yourself and your loved ones.

 

In my experience, once you're out the other end, you really appreciate how f'ing crazy your thinking was while addicted to Adderall.

 

That last line I highlighted about fearing feeling depressed and blah for the rest of your life after coming off Adderall is absolutely bonkers. I'm not letting that BS fly. It's your addiction lying to you. It's trying to keep you feeling isolated, afraid, paralyzed. F^%# that. You can do this.

 

There is so much more to life!

 

H-C

 

"On the field of Self stand a knight and a dragon. You are the knight. Resistance is the dragon." - Steven Pressfield

 

when i wake up and can't get out of bed and do anything.

 

I'm so use to that motivated, energy, productive thing it gives me on waking which feels like i said i've hit a brick wall before i even can get out of bed. Then i get edgy and then distressed and  depressed and think "I can't do it".

 

There is also the time where i'm wanting to make things i enjoy more exciting and i can't get that without taking another adderall. How do i can through that, what can i tell myself or do to comfort myself naturally when i'm missing the "motivated, exciting, productive" sides to adderall.  I fret  i have to accept to feel depressed or blah for the rest of my life if i come off addy completely ? Does anyone ever get such great joy and motivation and productivity with hobbies for example without Addy .I find this stuff really hard to cope with. HELP !