New here, questions regarding quitting

[CryptoTonic]

Hello all,

 

As the topic suggests, I'm new to this forum, so let me give you a little background information.

 

• I am a 23-year-old male, and I have been taking adderall for most of the last 12 years.
• I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 11. I don't remember what dosage I started with. It was 2 pills a day - one in the morning, one in the afternoon. I think from 7th or 8th grade onward I switched to adderall XR 15 mg and I have been taking that daily every since.
• I haven't really "tried" quitting but it has definitely been crossing my mind more frequently as of late. I have experimented with not taking it and was scared away by feelings of lethargy and apathy that come with the crash.

These are the reasons why I'm considering quitting:

• Social situations: I'm no psychologist, but I can't help but think adderall prevents me from being able to relax and be "loose" in social situations unless I've had a few drinks. I also at times find it terribly difficult and frightening to talk to women. I don't know if that's the adderall or if that's just me. I feel like there are things I want to say, people I want to get to know, but the adderall makes me rationalize those decisions until I decide to not go through with them.
• Impatience: When I'm on adderall, I sometimes tend to get short with people, especially when they're not understanding an idea I'm trying to convey.
• My energy level is a roller coaster: I'm lethargic in the morning until the adderall kicks in, and by 3 or 4 PM my focus is at it's low point. I tend to come home from work and take a nap, being unbearably tired. I'd imagine the fact that I'm coupling adderall with coffee each day might attribute to this.

So, my questions:

 

• I have been off the stuff before and hated the feeling. Am I damned to a life of apathy and lethargy if I quit? I have hobbies and interests, but when I'm off adderall, nothing is interesting.
• How long does it take for someone like me, someone who used for 12 years, to feel "normal" again? WOULD I ever feel normal again?
• Have I done permanent damage to my brain by being on the drug? I have never abused.

Thanks in advance for your replies.

 

[JustinW]

You haven't done permanent damage but it is going to take time for your mind and body to heal.  I hope that you decide to quit and commit 100% to it.  It's worth the difficulty, in addition, the articles and people here are a tremendous resource to anyone who makes that decision.  Everyone's recovery is different so I can't tell you how long it will take.  Think of it as a journey of self improvement where you focus on the moment and the process of getting better instead of viewing it as a race to the finish.  This is definitely a marathon and not a sprint.  You can do it.  Welcome to the forum!