Anyone ever heard of depersonalization??

[ddw5053]

After much research I've concluded I have depersonalization disorder.  If you've been struggling to quit adderall and MOVE ON look it up.

[Perullo]

Thanks for the heads up, but I think that if you've been struggling to quit Adderall and move on, it's because IT IS DIFFICULT TO QUIT ADDERALL.  Period.  It's a powerful amphetamine that many of us have taken over long periods of time, which affects (or affected) our physiologies and behaviors.  Difficulty quitting isn't a sign of anything other than that it is difficult to quit.  I'm sick of people getting glued to WebMD looking for "answers" for what's wrong with their lives / situation - when really the true answer is that your life just sucks right now (thank you to Mike for linking to this article).

 

Sadly you're talking to one of the most guilty parties of doing exactly that.  I'd scour the internet for hour on end looking for new labels (depression, insomnia, etc.) to tag on to myself, thinking that my problems were all external.  Til one day I realized (rather brash-and-unexpectedly) that all these issues were my own damn fault.  You don't feel the way you do because something is wrong with you, but because there's something wrong with your life.  It's time to get down to business and fix it.

 

This was a bit more long-winded than I intended when I started typing, but I'll leave you with this - stop looking for medical "reasons" that you feel the way you feel.  Instead, use that time to look at your situation and how you can work on making it better.  It'll save you a lot of time and heartache in the long run.  And who knows?  You might just find out that you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

[Cassie]

After much research I've concluded I have depersonalization disorder. If you've been struggling to quit adderall and MOVE ON look it up.

What's the longest period you've abstained from amphetamines? If it's less than a year than a diagnosis is probably premature.

[Cassie]

Thanks for the heads up, but I think that if you've been struggling to quit Adderall and move on, it's because IT IS DIFFICULT TO QUIT ADDERALL.  Period.  It's a powerful amphetamine that many of us have taken over long periods of time, which affects (or affected) our physiologies and behaviors.  Difficulty quitting isn't a sign of anything other than that it is difficult to quit.  I'm sick of people getting glued to WebMD looking for "answers" for what's wrong with their lives / situation - when really the true answer is that your life just sucks right now (thank you to Mike for linking to this article).

 

Agree with the first part but changing your life isn't going to lead to any sort of deep happiness, nor is it practical advice for an early quitter. Happiness comes from having a positive attitude/optimism and resilience to hardship/tragedy. Happiness doesn't have much to do with what happens to you. It's all relative to who you are perceiving as 'happier' and 'successful' than you. There are millions of happy people who are poor, have shitty jobs and have gone through horrible tragedies...yet they are still happy. You don't have anywhere near that level of resilience  and insight in the beginning of quitting adderall - at least I didn't. I was frail and fragile, and slapping a superficial label on my shitty feelings was a good coping mechanism because it was an answer simple enough for my mushy brain to understand in the first stages of quitting. You gotta keep it real simple in early sobriety. Feel shitty -> depression/brain changes  -> patience. 

[Perullo]

Agree with the first part but changing your life isn't going to lead to any sort of deep happiness, nor is it practical advice for an early quitter. Happiness comes from having a positive attitude/optimism and resilience to hardship/tragedy. Happiness doesn't have much to do with what happens to you. It's all relative to who you are perceiving as 'happier' and 'successful' than you. There are millions of happy people who are poor, have shitty jobs and have gone through horrible tragedies...yet they are still happy. You don't have anywhere near that level of resilience  and insight in the beginning of quitting adderall - at least I didn't. I was frail and fragile, and slapping a superficial label on my shitty feelings was a good coping mechanism because it was an answer simple enough for my mushy brain to understand in the first stages of quitting. You gotta keep it real simple in early sobriety. Feel shitty -> depression/brain changes  -> patience. 

 

I completely agree with you.  I'm not saying "just up and change your life right off the bat", my point was "get your head on straight".  Doing things like making excuses and looking for outside reasons for your problems takes you away from a position of power and puts you in a position of weakness.  You are right when you say that you need to keep a positive attitude to succeed.  But it's not enough to just be positive about everything - if that were the case, then why would any of us be on this forum to begin with?  We all have negative factors in our life.  We all have problems to overcome.  They are bad.  They are negative.  Period.

 

The positivity comes into play by believing in yourself and your own power to overcome these problems.  That is, knowing that there is a solution and that with enough persistance, you will find it.  Finding a straw man disease or disorder to beat down isn't going to solve the issue of quitting Adderall.  What will lead to the solution is the will to succeed and having very strong reasons as to why you want (or in many cases, need) the success.

[JustinW]

Agree with the first part but changing your life isn't going to lead to any sort of deep happiness, nor is it practical advice for an early quitter. Happiness comes from having a positive attitude/optimism and resilience to hardship/tragedy. Happiness doesn't have much to do with what happens to you. It's all relative to who you are perceiving as 'happier' and 'successful' than you. There are millions of happy people who are poor, have shitty jobs and have gone through horrible tragedies...yet they are still happy. You don't have anywhere near that level of resilience  and insight in the beginning of quitting adderall - at least I didn't. I was frail and fragile, and slapping a superficial label on my shitty feelings was a good coping mechanism because it was an answer simple enough for my mushy brain to understand in the first stages of quitting. You gotta keep it real simple in early sobriety. Feel shitty -> depression/brain changes  -> patience. 

I agree, most people search for happiness in places that will never bring them fulfillment.  And I cannot wait until the brain mush goes away; I'm sick of the brain fog.

[Kev9765]

To answer your question, yes, I've heard of depersonalization disorder and I have it, but my symptoms are lessoning.  When I had it really bad, my head was always foggy, I felt like I was in a dream-like state, and I felt like I had a detachment from my body.  It's listed under dissociative disorders, but it's really an anxiety disorder, and many times it's caused by amphetamine use/abuse.  It can also be caused by benzos, alcohol, weed or just having a lot of stress or paranoia. 

 

I think got it from a combination of Adderall, Klonopin, and anxiety.  I thought I only had it for a few weeks or maybe a month, but now I think I had it for well over a year because when I take Adderall, I have depersonalization, but I don't notice because to the Addy high or the Addy comedown.  But now that I've been off Addy for over a month, I notice it.  I'm still struggling to get off benzos.  My depersonalization has been getting better.  I still have it, but it's not as severe and its not constant.  The worst thing you can do is stay in the house and not go out or do anything bc you're paranoid about the disorder.  Also, just accepting that you have the disorder helps; don't fight it; try not to care at all.  When you do this, you forget about it, then when youfeel symptoms, you think, "I haven't felt depersonalization for 4 or 5 hours, it's usually continuous."  Also, try not to drink or at least limit caffeine; this is hard for me.  I also heard that eating lean protein during every meal will help.  Good luck with Depersonalization disorder, it really does suck.  Good luck getting off the Addy's, also.

 

Also, and I think this goes along with what Perullo said, if you spend the day searching the internet and watching YouTube trying to figure out what illness you have and listening to everyone talk about how they got better or tried to get better but failed, you'll just keep going in circles; it'll be a vicious cycle and you won't heal.  I was very guilty of this for a long time; still can be occasionally, but cut way back.  So to answer, if you think you have depersonalization disorder, you definitely do, but it's temporary.  Accept you have it for now and there's nothing you can do to stop it.  You'll get relief from the symptoms quickly.  They'll probably come back for periods of time for a little while, but just stick to not caring or worrying.  Take care!