Popular Post Hesperus Posted July 31, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 I'll try and be brief about my story here. I keep hoping I'll find the energy to do full coverage over on my blog, but energy is kind of lacking lately. I'm Rob. I've been on dex for three years now. Dex being contained within but not identical to adderall; I understand that, mg for mg, dex has a higher norepinephrine peak, which makes it more addictive. Honestly, though, I really don't know all of the details. I've tried quitting twice before. Both were disasters. The first time was a cold turkey attempt that failed at about thirty days. The second was weaning off for three miserable months before stepping off entirely and losing steam again after about thirty days. I'm on day 27 now and facing a similar debilitating depression to what I hit previously. In my head, I'm comparing it to "the wall" a marathon runner hits. That you just get to this point where you think you can't keep going, and you have to push through it. Only, I've never been to the other side of the wall, so I don't know. Honestly, I'm pretty freaked right now. About losing this time I've invested in quitting, in the ways this is hurting relationships and projects in my life, in a lot of things. And then I keep getting these tremors, this depression, this heavy lethargy. I'm taking a beautiful cocktail of supplements (most of them recommended here), not to mention 8 ibuprofen a day, but I still feel achey and miserable. I guess I'm looking for advice and reassurance. I'll keep lurking the forums, but your thoughts and support would actually mean a great deal to me. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted July 31, 2014 Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 This is normal. For me, the first month wasn't that bad. Months 2-4 were the worst in terms of depression and 'hitting the wall'. Understand that recovery is a long slow process that you don't have much control over. Realize that 30 days is a very short time to be off of any drug. In fact, expect the whole first year sober to be pretty depressing and don't try frustratingly to change it. You'll feel normal again in time. Best advice I have is to distract yourself as much as possible (with tv, weekend trips or any entertainment) so that the days go faster and you accumulate more clean time. And, cultivate patience. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted July 31, 2014 Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 Hey welcome to the board. Early recovery is tough, all you can really do is make life easy as possible. Cassie's advice is spot on. Recovery can be sort of non- linear too some days are better than others. The supplements can be helpful but sleep is probably the best thing you can do for your brain right now. Welcome aboard please feel free to ask questions and post here as often as you like. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post SweetCarolinee Posted July 31, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 Hey Hesperus, Welcome to this wonderful site. I'm glad you joined and good for you for wanting to quit again -- they say 3rd's the charm! Quitting is rough and I completely agree with everything ZK and Cassie said above. Time, sleep, patience and hope heals all wounds. I slept 10-12 hours the first few months after quitting and it helped a lot. I still sleep about 10 hours a night, which I think is too much, what can ya do? I give my body what I think it needs and has been lacking for the 7 years I was on Adderall. I also did hot yoga every other day for my first few months quitting and it helped wonders. It helped and felt so good sweating out all the toxins and bad stuff out of my body. Lord knows, I needed it. It is easier to let in and use again but don't take the easy way out. You need to find crazy inner strength inside you (that you have) and use it and push threw when you hit the wall. We are always going to hit walls, in life and it's the flight or fight scenario. Fight. Fight for your right for a better life. A healthier life. A fuller life. Full of love and happiness. Just keeping going, keep moving forward, keep fighting and don't look back. You have to push threw the pain to win this battle. I am a few days past my 7 month mark clean and I feel fucking great! So much healthier and happier inside and out. I have a new job, I live in a new state, I live in paradise now and I did this all without Adderall. You couldn't pay me to take Adderall again. You have it in you, my friend… we have all been in your shoes. This site has been a God-sent and a life saver. Come here for support, advice and/or friends, anything you need… we are here for you every step of the way. You can do it! Goodluck and unleash your inner fighter. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Greg Posted July 31, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 Sweetcarolinee that was an awesome post. Welcome to the site! I relapsed after the first time I tried to quit as well. I think u should feel really reassured that u can quit because so many people here have been in your shoes and never want to touch it again! Like sweetcarolinee The thought of ever touching adderall again is a nightmare to me. And if u keep pushing thru it will be the same for u. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hesperus Posted August 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Thanks, everyone, for your responses and support. I hate having to be patient like this. :/ But it gets better at some point, right? I have some other specific questions, but it seems to make the most sense to ask those elsewhere. Thanks again for taking the time to welcome me here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted August 2, 2014 Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 It does. But this a non linear path. Some days you'll feel like you are getting over it and suddenly -- bam-- you are sunk in depression and cravings. Read up on post addiction withdrawal syndrome PAWS. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BeHereNow Posted August 3, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted August 3, 2014 Hi and welcome! Yes it DOES get better overall. And you'll have good days and bad days. That's to be expected. You've gotten a lot of great advice already but I'll just say this: you do NOT want to have to quit again. Just get through this wall whatever it takes. There's a full life to be lived on the other side You could not pay me to take adderall again either. The idea of it sickens and terrifies me. I used to feel bad for people who didn't have a script. Now I feel bad for people who do. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted August 6, 2014 Report Share Posted August 6, 2014 Sweet Caroline - I am so HAPPY for you! You sound AMAZING! Hesperus, Let me just tell you this. The people on this board are amazing. I have been on this board for some time now (been away a little too long), but to see all the progress everyone is making is FUCKING AWESOME! They are absolutely right. You just have to hang in there for dear life and DO NOT GIVE UP. It is a battle WORTH FIGHTING through. Yes, you are right. You have not made it past the wall YET(until NOW). You just keep telling yourself, "THIS DRUG IS NOT GOING TO BEAT ME. I AM HURDLING OVER THE WALL THIS TIME AND I CAN DO THIS." Keep thinking THOUGHTS OF VICTORY and do NOT allow yourself to think thoughts of defeat. You CAN DO whatever you tell yourself you CAN DO and I'm telling you right now that YOU CAN DO THIS. Your life without this drug is LIMITLESS and FULL OF POTENTIAL. You can stay stuck on the hamster wheel and keep getting the same results as you've been getting or you can CHOOSE to get off, collapse for a period (it will eventually pass), and then CARRY on to live a life you deserve - a GOOD life. Stay strong and NEVER ever GIVE UP! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hesperus Posted August 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 7, 2014 I seriously appreciate the replies. Right now, some days are better than others, but I seem to be past the heavy depression. (For now.) Oddly, that happened right when I stopped taking Advil. I stopped taking it with the thought that maybe it would make the body aches go away to just force my body to deal with them on its own. My body aches subsided and my depression ebbed out. Weird, right? Maybe just a coincidence. Or maybe there's something more going on there. Tonight's rough, but I seem to be okay. My eating habits are starting to become sane again. (I hate talking about health in terms of "weight gain," so instead I'll just say that at the beginning of July, I had plenty of clothes that fit well. Now, not so much.) I want to become more physically active, but that's hard to talk myself into at times. And my sleep schedule is way out of whack. I hit Day 35 in just 18 minutes here. I'm to the point where I just feel happy that I made the choice. But now I have to re-integrate my schoolwork and freelancing and all that. It's ... beh, it's intimidating. Anyway. Mostly just wanting to say thanks again, and also that I love how many people have their "since quitting" counter in their signature. It's really encouraging just seeing how many people have made it through. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted August 7, 2014 Report Share Posted August 7, 2014 It is what it is. Kind of an annoying statement but in early recovery your mind grapes are re-calibrating and it just takes time. Focusing on diet,exercise and overall health is really all you can do to get through it. I'm going to write you a prescription for Netflix documentaries and HBO. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Hesperus Posted September 8, 2014 Author Popular Post Report Share Posted September 8, 2014 Hey, look at this. I'm at day 60-something, and doing okay. (Man, that "day 30 to 40" period was hard!) Thanks for your support, all. It's still tough, but I'm okay. Which, compared with so much of these last few years, is pretty damn great. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted September 8, 2014 Report Share Posted September 8, 2014 Hey, look at this. I'm at day 60-something, and doing okay. (Man, that "day 30 to 40" period was hard!) Thanks for your support, all. It's still tough, but I'm okay. Which, compared with so much of these last few years, is pretty damn great. good job Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sepiroth Posted October 22, 2014 Report Share Posted October 22, 2014 Hey, look at this. I'm at day 60-something, and doing okay. (Man, that "day 30 to 40" period was hard!) Thanks for your support, all. It's still tough, but I'm okay. Which, compared with so much of these last few years, is pretty damn great. good to know you are okay. Hang in there, and keep it up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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