Lucyinthesky Posted September 8, 2014 Report Share Posted September 8, 2014 Hello everyone I am fairly new to this forum, I've been addicted to my prescription adderall since I was 16 and now I am 22. I was prescribed 30mg and after five years I was taking 120mg a day minimum. Whenever I ran out, which was inevitable, I would buy more from my friends, who all just happened to be prescribed as well. Finally after five years, on July 25, 2014, I quit my adderall, cold turkey. I moved to California in the beginning of August in hopes it would help isolate me and perhaps keep me from returning to my old ways. I havent picked up my prescription since the beginning of July and this is the longest I have gone in five years without picking it up. I've been very proud of myself lately and though the physical dependency seems to have faded I still feel this strong mental dependency. Starting school at a new college and a job working nights at a restaurant, I've been wanting to relapse more than ever. Also I am a bridesmaid in my bestfriends wedding this October and I'm extremely insecure about my weight gain. I went from 117 lbs on adderall (I'm 5'3) to like 135 lbs. I work out every day but I love food too much. Adderall made weight loss easy, I just have this bad feeling I am going to end up relapsing by October. Sorry for rambling, I just would like some advice on how to deal with these thoughts.. also I brought my stash of adderall to california with me as a 'security blanket'.. stupid I know.. but I want to be honest with someone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted September 8, 2014 Report Share Posted September 8, 2014 it will improve, that 6-7 week period is tough. It takes awhile to get used to dealing with stuff again, but it does get better so hang in there. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hesperus Posted September 8, 2014 Report Share Posted September 8, 2014 I had my roughest period at about where you're at. Starting from week 5, to about week 7. Still, there are days I feel like brittle paper. It's tough. You're at the wall right now, but if you keep running, you will be okay. Weight stuff is another huge topic that's hard to jump at right now. I know how you feel! I choose not to weigh myself, but I've had to buy a new wardrobe with my changing shape. I'm not sure if it helps at all, but for me, I knew that some damage to my fitness level and confidence would be part of the cost of getting free. When I feel bad about it, I remind myself that this is just part of the cost---and that it's going to be far better for my health in the long term. I remember times on my amphetamines when my heart rate would just refuse to calm down, how much that made me anxious, and how it made so many things I enjoy (hiking, swimming, dancing) harder, or even impossible. So I remind myself that it's a cost I agreed to pay, and a temporary cost. That getting free will help me be far healthier overall. Good luck! Remember to watch your triggers and keep your meds out of easy access (if you haven't done that already). You're in a rough spot, but it sounds like you're doing a damn fine job---and you're not in this alone. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted September 8, 2014 Report Share Posted September 8, 2014 also I should add you have every right to be proud of yourself, you should be! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucyinthesky Posted September 9, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2014 Thank you for your advice and support, I definitely am still working on accepting the superficial sacrifices of living amphetamine-free. But I know it's worth it in the end! one day at a time i guess 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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