I hate not being on adderall

[Drinkgreentes]

My name is mark, I am a 22 year old male.

I went to college for nursing and failed all my classes.

My doctor prescribed my adderall and it changed my life.

I flew through nursing school and I felt like a normal functional person.

I could finally talk to girls And had high confidence.

But I knew it was bad for me, and it was killing me.

I thought hey why not live a short life vs a long failure filled one.

My doctor took me off adderall and I am now on strattera.

But I am afraid that it won't work.

I was so awesome on adderall and now I feel like such a antisocial loser.

I can't talk to people confidently now.

I love how I was when I was on it.

I am scared that I will never be as awesome as I was on adderall.

But I had to quit I know it's he right decision but I hate who I am without it.

I don't stick up for myself anymore.

It made me the person that I always wanted to be and now that it's gone I feel average.

For once in my life, on adderall I was special and above average.

I was different, kind, funny, and smart.

I know that I will never reach that height again and it breaks my heart.

People loved my so much and I felt no shame or pain or embarrassment ever.

I was superman and a fast talker.

Now I'm just like everyone else.

Not special, boring, self conscious, shy, scared, stupid, all these things that were cured.

I wish I could feel like I did on adderall forever but never actually take it.

I've been off adderall for about a week now and life has never been so gray.

I'm afraid my friends and peers won't like me anymore without it. And I'm afraid of failing.

Girls deff don't like me anymore due to my inability to form coherent sentences to them now.

I was so smooth every girl wanted me and I knew it.

Of course there were negatives to the drug, insomnia cured by melatonin, burned out crack look

Weightloss which helped me with running. Tachycardia hypertension heart palpitations with caffeine.

I thought the drug was warring off, so I would take more this lead to addiction.

When someone was mean to me at work I would take more to professionally mentally screw with them.

Without it I feel like I'm not good enough and now I care what everybody thinks.

This strattera stuff sucks.

[LILTEX41]

God,

 

You  remind me so much of myself.  I love the part where you mentioned, "but I knew it was killing me."

 

Well, that's the bitch about Adderall huh?   Makes us into Superman or Superwoman.   Funny thing about it  though is it will play all these crazy mind tricks on you....especially in the beginning.  That's when it really got me hooked.  I remember loving  how skinny it made me.  I remember thinking  I was this incredible machine at work.  What I didn't realize though was how everyone around me knew there was something incredibly wrong with me.  One time someone even tried to make me feel better about being too skinny as if I was naturally that way and there I was on speed trying to achieve exactly that.  People referred to me as the sledge hammer from my jaw bouncing around so much.  People even thought I was obsessed and crazy about work to the point of it making me look like I had a serious problem.  And the opposite sex...well, let's just say my ex wanted the relationship to be over way before I knew it and someone else told me Id never meet anyone unless I made some serious changes

 

These are the types of things you can always look forward to by continuing down the path of Adderall abuse.  Well, you probably won't know what people really think, but I'm just  saying  don't let the superman powers fool and trick you.  You might not be as glorified and amazing as you think you are in the cast of adderall's spell.  We could just try to love ourselves regardless of our imperfections, be able to sleep 8 hours a night, and do the best we can with what God gave us.  I mean I totally feel how you are feeling especially in the very beginning, but just think about that one guy who committed suicide while on it. 

 

Anyhow, hope you can find your way out of the storm my friend.   It's not worth it.

 

Hugs

[quit-once]

Hi Mark, and welcome to the Forum.

I think you are doing the right kind of mental work that will lead to long-term success of being stimulant free.  You have acknowledged many of the benefits of being under the influence of speed.  You have also realized the damage to your life and health that this addiction has caused.  I read in another one of your posts that you are now enjoying music again - that was one of the first things I noticed about being Adderall free too. 

I don't know much about straterra but I hope it is not another stimulant drug.  Speed is speed and it's all bad once you have been bitten by the addiction bug.  This addiction develops quicker and becomes more unsustainable than many others.

Good luck with your recovery and you might want to consider trying L-tyrosine for the depression and fish oil for the brain fog.

[AlwaysAwesome]

Adderall makes you feel amazing, until it makes you an antisocial crazy person.  Oh, and you are that person long before you notice it...guaranteed.  It makes me think of the scene in Spiderman 3 when Peter Parker thinks he is super cool and all the people he walks by are looking at him like he is a crazy dork?  That wasn't Venom, it was an adderall suit.  LOL !

 

Good luck to you, and hang in there.  It will get better, eventually. 

[Cassie]

Hey Mark,

Everything adderall gives you in the beginning, it takes away in the end. You just weren't on it long enough to experience that decline. This is true for any drug addiction.

[Zerokewl]

While you are off adderall find a paper or email you wrote while on Adderall.   Re-read them and ask yourself if it was really that brilliant? 

[pamzee3]

This forum on this site is super. I hadn't really decided to quit until I read parts of this site. WOW! It feels like I belong here.

 

I have been on adderall for several years; after my first pill my world changed. I could work 7 days a week, from 5 am till 7 pm. I was teaching then, and i just got so great, and cool, and funny, and sleepless, and LOUD.  And it has continued to change, and now I sound like a crazy nut when I go to the cafe at my retirement community. I have been here for 5 years and I can sleep all day if I want to. But it is still fun to be cool. Guess I didn't mention I have had serious depression for many years (am on meds and see a doctor weekly.)  Being funny is a real joy for a person with depression. I fantasize about being a stand-up comic. (Course here I would probably simply be a sit down-comic.) Anyway, I cut my dose by 25 % and already I can tell I am boring.

 

I hope I can be old and still be on this forum. Am I the only one? I have searched for a site like this for years!!! You are the one and only one that feels right, so I hope I can stay.

[Krax]

This forum on this site is super. I hadn't really decided to quit until I read parts of this site. WOW! It feels like I belong here.

 

I have been on adderall for several years; after my first pill my world changed. I could work 7 days a week, from 5 am till 7 pm. I was teaching then, and i just got so great, and cool, and funny, and sleepless, and LOUD.  And it has continued to change, and now I sound like a crazy nut when I go to the cafe at my retirement community. I have been here for 5 years and I can sleep all day if I want to. But it is still fun to be cool. Guess I didn't mention I have had serious depression for many years (am on meds and see a doctor weekly.)  Being funny is a real joy for a person with depression. I fantasize about being a stand-up comic. (Course here I would probably simply be a sit down-comic.) Anyway, I cut my dose by 25 % and already I can tell I am boring.

 

I hope I can be old and still be on this forum. Am I the only one? I have searched for a site like this for years!!! You are the one and only one that feels right, so I hope I can stay.

I'm 48 and even though many of the other members are less than half my age, the similarities in our experience with this drug are staggering, so your age whatever it is is no barrier to sharing here. Good to have you.

[TheMist]

hi there! hang in there, everything will be better.

[LILTEX41]

Where did you go Greenteas???  You okay buddy?