dangerbean Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Has anyone else experienced this? I've always had some level of significant anxiety in my life (prior to adderall, too). in fact, i was always concerned because I felt that the adderall rush would and often did heighten my anxiety, but then the anxiety quickly dissipated. Now though, i feel the same anxiety as I did on adderall, but it doesn't go away. i was really hoping that getting clean would lessen my anxiety. My prescribing doctor even thought that the adderall may have been aggravating my anxiety. So why is it still here after i stopped the adderall? maybe it's because i'm coming face to face with the reality that I am not okay with where I am in life for the first time in over ten years? i do not like my chosen profession. i do not like where I live. i always knew that on adderall, but I also sort of saw adderall as the ticket out--if i just worked a bit harder, my finances would improve and i could start living my life. adderall was a quick way to work harder, longer. but it abandoned me--at some time in the last year it became more of a liability than an asset... so here i am...miserable in a career that i feel totally uninspired by. living in an isolated area, far from friends, and feeling entirely trapped by student loan debt. i often wonder if i would have been able (or even would have wanted) to complete law school (and encumber myself with huge debt) without adderall.... i suppose there's nothing productive about fantasizing about undoing the past, but how do i move forward? i feel like i damned myself, and like adderall was a false savior, and now i have nothing....i feel lik ei'm just looking around at my broken life for the first time. this is not who i ever envisioned myself being. some people might say i've accomplished a lot...but i am alone and when you hate the one thing that defines you, then what does it matter if other people think it's admirable or praise worthy? i just want to run away and start over... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 The anxiety is very, very common....Most people who come through these boards experience it I think. For a lot of people including myself it doesn't even start to really come out until AFTER you quit adderall.... Weird, I wish I could explain it, but I think I always had a lot of anxiety and adderall just brought it to the surface-- and when I quit, the anxiety was what was left if that makes sense. It's still there but definitely better. A lot of people also realize they hate their jobs. Or hate how they were going about their jobs. I realized I hated being a workaholic and spinning my wheels. I'm happy to say that a year and a half--almost 2 years quit-- I LOVE my job now!!! I love how I go about it, I love that I've figured out some techniques that work for me to be more productive (still working on that part though.) Feeling a lot more confident too! I really think it DOES get better. If you browse the site, there's an article called "13 milestones of quitting." A lot of major life changes happen-- for the better!!! So although this is depressing and anxiety provoking and challenging right now, just know that you are in the process of shifting to a better path Just be patient with yourself, don't be too hard on yourself, and know that you have accomplished a lot more than you're probably giving yourself credit for. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangerbean Posted October 27, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 The anxiety is very, very common....Most people who come through these boards experience it I think. For a lot of people including myself it doesn't even start to really come out until AFTER you quit adderall.... Weird, I wish I could explain it, but I think I always had a lot of anxiety and adderall just brought it to the surface-- and when I quit, the anxiety was what was left if that makes sense. It's still there but definitely better. A lot of people also realize they hate their jobs. Or hate how they were going about their jobs. I realized I hated being a workaholic and spinning my wheels. I'm happy to say that a year and a half--almost 2 years quit-- I LOVE my job now!!! I love how I go about it, I love that I've figured out some techniques that work for me to be more productive (still working on that part though.) Feeling a lot more confident too! I really think it DOES get better. If you browse the site, there's an article called "13 milestones of quitting." A lot of major life changes happen-- for the better!!! So although this is depressing and anxiety provoking and challenging right now, just know that you are in the process of shifting to a better path Just be patient with yourself, don't be too hard on yourself, and know that you have accomplished a lot more than you're probably giving yourself credit for. Thanks! this definitely all makes sense. I suppose it's only natural to feel grief now....finally seeing the destruction adderall made out of my life. There was always a little voice rationalizing my adderall use because it was prescribed and it's legal--despite knowing i was abusing it. I guess it's scary also because there's no "plan b" now. it's just me. there is no saving projects for a new script day. everything is up to me. i wish i could love my job. i wish i could remember what i loved before adderall hijacked my ability to feel passionate about anything on my own. on the other hand, i'm discovering new things I enjoy that I had never done before--like working with plants and gardening, and (ironically) organizing the space I live in, aesthetically and pragmatically. I'm slowly becoming more social with my family and friends. I'm realizing how desperately lonely I am--that is scary, but at least that is one clue of the changes I need to make to be happy. No more lone wolf life for me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetCarolinee Posted October 27, 2014 Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Hi there! Welcome to the boards. I have always had anxiety my whole life but after being on Adderall, not only did my anxiety worsen, I began to have depression for the first time in my life, panic attacks and became pretty dependent on alcohol during those 7 years I was on the ADHD meds. I have also been on anti-depressants on and off every now and then since starting the Adderall -- never b4 taking it. I've been off Adderall for almost 10 months now and my depression is completely gone, I still have some anxiety from time to time and it is bad around my shark week and the day after I drink heavy but besides that, life is pretty good. Just give it time. I also suggest cognitive therapy for anxiety, addiction and/or depression treatment because it doesn't just mask the problem like meds or booze. This kind of therapy, actually gets to the root/core of the problems and solves it. It's about changing your thinking patterns and thought processes to help change your actions and to overcome what your struggling with. Just putting it out there. Good luck to you and just give it time. We are here for you if you need anything! Love, Caroline 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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