Devin Posted December 16, 2015 Report Share Posted December 16, 2015 I know my story is going to sound so familiar but I want to tell it anyway for several reasons: 1) I've never told my story before 2) I'm hoping to get connected 3) I don't even recognize myself anymore 4) I'm willing to try anything at this point I started taking Adderall my senior year of undergrad. Yes it was a miracle. I aced my final exams, all while balancing 2 jobs. After graduation, I got an internship and starting taking 5mg 5 days a week. After about 6 months, I started taking 10mg 5 days a week. That was when I noticed that I would sometimes have difficulty forming words. I wondered if it was in my head or if people could tell that I felt a little "stuck" somtimes. Then I started grad school where I began to take 30mg to cram for tests. This was when I noticed more severe side effects. Some days I would feel so depressed, it was scary. I would feel completely hopeless about life and not one thing/person/thought could change it. Also, I started to regret ever having taken Adderall, and I wondered if I would ever be able to quit. I told myself that I'd keep using it until I landed a good job, but then I'd quit. Ok, so it's been almost 2 years since I finished school and landed a good job. I take 20mg every morning now which helps me get out of bed and get ready for work. Sometimes I take another 20mg around lunchtime. I am a workaholic. The side effects at this point are much worse. I have hypertension (high blood pressure). Which is crazy because I had very low blood pressure my entire life. The other side effect is not enjoying my life. I noticed that I have a hard time finding the humor in things and I am very anti-social. I don't have any friends anymore. I recently had surgery to remove my tonsils. I took 2 weeks off from work and I didn't take Adderall the entire time. It was wonderful. I laughed about every little thing, all day long. I was happy. I was much more affectionate with my boyfriend. Our relationship blossomed. I started thinking maybe I could quit for good. But last Monday was my first day back at work after 2 weeks of recovering from surgery, and I panicked and took Adderall. I'm scared I won't be able to do my job if I don't take it. The thought of going to work 8 hours a day 5 days a week without taking it is absolutely terrifiying to me. I've been back to 20mg 5 days a week for about a week and a half. I am so disappointed in myself. I feel like a had the perfect opportunity to quit and I wasted it. Writing my story here is my cry for help. I can't do this alone. I want to quit so bad but I can't do it alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quitting4good Posted December 16, 2015 Report Share Posted December 16, 2015 I totally understand and relate to your story. My adderall use started in college as well and picked heavily in grad school. I also thought I couldn't do my work without it, but it has been two years since I've taken it daily. I've had slips but no regular daily use. It was definitely had at first, an adjustment, but I realized I didn't need it to do my work, and actually enjoyed my job more without it. Also I was not affectionate with my boyfriend either but now we are so much closer and I love our intimacy versus when I was on adderall it was more of a chore. I'm not saying it's going to be easy but it will be worth it. I'd suggest using this site and also opening up to your boyfriend about your issue as well as maybe getting a counselor to help with quitting. Your a lot stronger than you think you are!! You can do this! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted December 30, 2015 Report Share Posted December 30, 2015 You are not alone. We are all here for you! Everyone on this forum has been where you are. Our "how I started using" stories and dosages may have been different, but the rest is eerily similar. We are all kindred spirits. Slightly damaged and sometimes struggling...but strong spirits. You can do this. You just have to stop letting Adderall have power over you. It is really hard, but it can be done. Good luck and welcome! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted January 5, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 Thank y'all both so much for the replies! I really really appreciate it so much more than I could put in words. Here's an update: I HAVEN'T TAKEN ADDERALL IN 13 DAYS!!! The last time I took it was Dec. 23rd!!! I am so so so unbelievably happy and proud of myself. Gosh, thank you all for posting your stories and giving me the strength I needed to quit! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted January 6, 2016 Report Share Posted January 6, 2016 YAY!! Stay close to this site and post when you get an urge to go back. The strong people on this site helped me many times when I was tempted to go back... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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