Final decision to quit

[jloyd800]

I don't know how close my story is to others but here goes. My psychiatrist put me on Adderall IR in 2013 after trying several other meds which didn't work for me. I had lost my job and was dealing with debilitating anxiety at the time. She tested me for ADD. Apparently there was some study that had come out that ADD and anxiety were closely related. So I was put on Adderall 30 mg 3x/day. I had gotten a job in which I worked long hours so that was the reason for the late afternoon dosage. I loved my life on Adderall. I could get more done and felt more confident than anytime in my life. I was also on several other antidepressants, antipsychotics (for bipolar) and benzos at the time. When my psychiatrist decided to retire her practice a year ago, I began seeing a psych nurse practitioner for med management. I began to successfully wean off of some of my psyche meds. I have gone from taking 10 pills at night to a whopping 4 pills at night before bed and it has been wonderful. In November, 2015, my pharmacy changed generics on my Adderall from amphetamine salts to dextroamphetamine without telling me. The dextro sent me into a tailspin. I was a nervous wreck. My anxiety was out of control. Finally got my pharmacy to listen to me. Apparently I wasn't the only one who was having problems. They went back to the original amphetamine salts generic and I thought that would solve my problems. It didn't. I was still a nervous wreck back on the amphetamine salts. So my NP put me on Ritalin (generic) 20mg but it was no better. Long story short, I'm back on the amphetamine salts, 1/2 of a 30 mg tab, 3x/day. I take L-theanine and exedrine with each dose of my med to deal with the side effects. My plan is to try to cut the 1/2 tab in half this week and eventually get off of the stuff. I don't like the extreme irritability and nervousness I have started having. I suppose when I was on all the other meds, they masked the horrendous side effects. I don't know what has happened but I'm going to get off of it! The side effects of fatigue and others that come with weaning off of the Adderall may be bad but they can't be as bad as what I've experienced the last few months!!! Good luck to everyone!

[Renascido]

The debilitating anxiety is exactly what got me to quit that terrible drug as well. Just rest easy knowing that it is drug related. I know you said you were originally struggling with anxiety before the drug, but rest easy knowing that your anxiety hasn't worsened for good. When you quit the drug the level of panic you have been feeling should slowly begin to fade. You'll also begin to feel deep emotion again, which is a beautiful thing. Just remember to take it day by day. Some days will be more difficult than others, but don't fret; each month progressively gets easier! Great to meet you.

[jloyd800]

Thanks so much for the encouragement, Renascido! I'm so over the Adderall at this point. It worked so great until I got off the majority of my psyche meds. But I'm glad to be getting off of it because I had gotten to depend on it for so much of what I "thought" made me who I was. I just look forward to being myself again. Of course I don't really remember who that was. I'm going to be grateful to be off of the Adderall though. I'll figure out the rest once I'm sober and anxiety free.

[Renascido]

You will be amazed at how well you handle all things in life without any of the meds you were originally prescribed. I'm not saying it won't be difficult, but once you get the swing of things (like riding a bike), it'll progressively get easier and easier. You'll learn coping mechanisms; you'll learn what really makes you happy (rather than taking a pill that leads you to believe you like everything); you'll learn what it feels like to actually feel again, and you'll likely be far more empathetic than you were while using. Also, don't worry if you don't remember who that person was before you took the drugs! The neural pathways that you developed throughout your life, sans adderall, have not vanished. I guarantee they're still there, and the good news is the neural pathways that you are going to develop during your recovery, such as coping mechanisms, will stick with you as well. So, if anything, you'll begin to become an even stronger version of yourself. And even if you're not feeling like yourself after a few weeks or a few months, don't panic! All of the pieces are definitely falling into place. Patience and acceptance is all you need. 

Feel free to send me a message if you ever need some more encouraging words. Take great care of yourself!

[jloyd800]

Thanks again for the encouraging words! I've had two rough days. The mood swings are not fun, but I have a lot of support here at home so my husband is my biggest fan. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can do this but I'm feeling a little weak and vulnerable without my "crutch"! My psychiatrist tweeked my antidepressants a tad to help me get through this without any casualties, me or anyone else. The antidepressants are something that I have been on for 20 plus years but I'm not on as much as I was a year ago which is awesome! My original psychiatrist saved my life but he prescribed too much stuff and I had to come off of a lot of it in the past year. So I'm starting 2016 with getting off a med that I hung on to for dear life! I was at the pharmacy when they opened at 8am when my refill was due and I was off on another Adderall fueled adventure. I've always had problems with my self-esteem and self-confidence but not my addiction. Now it's all creeping back in. I don't like it but it's the way things have to be. Thanks again! This too shall pass!

[AlwaysAwesome]

I think the feeling of pride and self satisfaction that comes from kicking an Adderall habit is worth all of the trouble it takes to get there.  It is one of the most difficult substances to quit.  Aren't you amazing for doing this?!?!  I know it is hard right now, but you are doing the right thing.  Just wait...it gets better.  Hang in there and stay close to this site.  We are all here for you. 

[jloyd800]

Thanks so much Always! I've gotten off of other meds before but you are so right. Adderall is the most difficult thing I've ever done. I had no idea that it would be so difficult but I believe that I'll be so happy to get to the other side when the emotions aren't so up and down. My energy level stinks! Last night I went to bed before 7pm but I get up at 4am to be at work by 6am. This morning I really had a difficult time getting up and getting going. I have found something though. If I get up and do things instead of sitting on the couch, I feel much better. The weekend will be a tough but I'll try my best to stay busy and stay away from Walmart!!

 

I'm really impressed that you guys have been sober for so long. I seems so long away but I'm thrilled with 4 days right now. Every hour is an accomplishment right now!

 

I'll see you guys later!

Janie

[AlwaysAwesome]

One day at a time...so true.  Every day ahead is a challenge, but every day under your belt is an accomplishment!  Everyday you get to be a huge success!  How about that for motivation.   Take it easy on yourself and get plenty of rest and snacks.  You are starting on a difficult, but worthwhile journey.  We are all here for you.