Anyone else better towards evening?

[William]

I can't remember where I was in the forum threads when I saw a post about someone feeling better towards the evening, but I experience that as well. But like most of the misery going through this hell, it is not consistent either. I'm between months 5 & 6 and I wish I could say something more encouraging to anyone reading this who's quit is in this time frame. Holly hell is all that comes to mind today. So hard when you think you've turned a corner, like a really bad hangover that's finally easing up, only to have your sorry ass slammed right back on the ground. I still count myself lucky to survive until afternoon because the punishing anxiety, doom and gloom, and sense of absolute hoplessness eases. Maybe because this would be the time of day that my morning blast of addy of the past would be wearing off? Who knows. It scares the shit out of me that even in such an awesome forum, best by far I've seen and the only one I've joined, that my usage time is nearly double most (15 years 😞)

And that for half that time I was using benzos (also prescribed) as well. Recently the backs of my hands and forearms feel like mild sunburn, I struggle most mornings to not vomit, eating is a chore, etc... Well sorry about all my negative talk. One day at a time. Thanks so much I'm forever grateful to the members of this site.

[bluemoon]

Mornings are definitely worse for me. I think it's because there is a WHOLE DAY of shit ahead and it can be overwhelming. Evenings typically do tend to be a little easier for me because I can finally relax. Except for last night, last night sucked. Mind was racing and not able to sleep. I guess it just depends on the day. You're right, one day at a time...

[William]

Thanks bluemoon, Last night was awful... I think your point is right on. The morning brings with it a day of expectations, things that the world says normal productive people should be accomplishing. Hope you have a calm and relaxing evening and get a great nights sleep. Peace

[quit-once]

I always feel better in the evenings and afternoons.  I have never been much of a morning person...not that I like sleeping through the morning, but it just isn't my best time of the day.  I remember in early recovery, where you are at, that the mornings were so long because I would always wake up at the crack of dawn or 5:30 AM, whichever came first.  My stomach was always growling in the mornings too.  I also suffered GERD and heartburn for the first two years or so after quitting.

Fifteen years is a long time to use stimulants.  It is a damn good thing you have quit.  From my observations around here, I have noticed the condition and pace of one's recovery depends on three factors:  how long you used. how much you were taking, and your age.  In my case the "milestones" of feeling better were at 10 weeks, 10 months, and two years.   

[William]

Thanks for your encouragement quit-once. Information about time lines and symptoms is so helpful. I've read posts here for hours on end since running across the site, it's keeping me going and I can't say thanks enough.

[bluemoon]

Anyone know where I can get a time machine?? lol

[Frank B]

I feel like the sooner forget I was on this stuff the quicker I will recover. But no matter how much I try to fool myself the reality that I'm still struggling to do all I should makes me upset and feel like I'm letting people down. It's somewhat good to realize even though I have a lot of time under my belt from quitting the best is still possibly yet to come. It's just hard to imagine just seems like by now I'd be over the laziness but I'll say I'm maybe 50% energy wise of where I think I should be if at 10 months I'm 75% I'll be happy. The anxiety is getting better beyond the everyday life anxiety which is normal I feel much better in that regard.

Lost my dog yesterday he escaped from my house when a door was left open he was freaked out over fireworks. He is old and has a limp I don't know if he will come back I know some injured animals run away to die when they are old and injured think that might be the case here. Searched all over today called the animal shelter no luck :-(

[William]

I'm right with you on the feeling of letting people down. Particularly the kids. Not doing enough work to provide is a constant tone in my head, it's one of my biggest demons. But I guess we need give ourselves a break for a change. Like you mentioned earlier, even letting the balances go up on the credit cards like the rest of the world does, if it's the difference between relapse and continued success, hell with it...

I'm so sorry that your dog ran away! I can't imagine how your feeling... I hope and pray he returns to you.

[quit-once]

Frank, that SUCKS about your dog.  My dog once ran away without her collar so I had to resort to 'Lost Dog" fliers on fence posts and it worked.  I hear facebook can be useful for dog recovery too.  Hope it had a collar or has a microchip or maybe he will just come back on his own terms.  Elsa was out for about 24 hours and that was one of the most stressful days I have ever had.

[bluemoon]

 Frank, did you find your dog yet??

[Danquit]

I definitely feel better towards the evening. I'm almost 3 months in and I am finally able to respond to some of these posts. I remember in the first month when I wanted to die, I just came to this board and read everyone's posts and it helped me so much. I can't believe I've made it this far but it's still not anywhere near where normal is for me. Everyone's posts on here mean so much to me and I thank you all for being here. 

 

I find that if I can drag ass out of bed in the morning and make some coffee, the coffee will usually get me through to the afternoon where I begin to feel a bit better. This of course is if I'm not dealing with an anxiety attack that's usually triggered by one of my early morning work calls. When that happens, I get stuck in a cycle of doom and gloom thoughts and I find it helps to vent by writing all kinds of curses in my journal. Later when I go back to read it, I remember how I felt and it makes me feel better. I find that writing on here is helpful as well. Definitely reading all of your posts helps. 

 

I can't wait to get to 90 days.

[William]

Keep up the great work Danquit! One milestone turns into the next, and before long you really start to gain momentum and know that the demon can and will be conquered. Sounds like your anxiety peaks early too then gradually subsides. I think there is probably a medical/scientific explanation to it; perhaps the rise and fall of naturally occurring chemicals in the body at various times in the wake/sleep cycle. But that because the central nervous system post addy is riddled with issues to overcome, it is particularly sensitive to even the most subtle changes in chemical releases going on in the body.