3 years sober this site saved me. but this story i wrote is depressing

[butterfliesandlies]

I quit taking adderall about three years ago. I have completely forgotten the way it feels and all of the things it made me do. Without this site i honestly don't know if i would have been able to do it. This site got me through the month of laying in bed. the suggested movies are great.. the articles are so relatable it really gave me the support i was missing.

I am thinking back on it today because lately i have been around so many people talking about their prescriptions to adderall and benzos and i see how they can just keep going the way i used to. although it has been three years, I still have not fully recovered emotionally from the side effects that it caused me. My confidence is  still not completely recovered. I stopped having adderall cravings a few months after i quit taking it. i was in bed for about a month initially because of the severe depression from the withdrawal. adderall caused my skin to break out, which is now scarring. i am very vain and this is emotionally hard for me to deal with. I did not know who i was anymore after i quit. i felt i wasted so much time making myself fit into what i "should be". but if it is that hard to do something without taking adderall then maybe.. thats not what i should be doing. After i quit adderall my confidence was completely shot. I started drinking often and got myself into a comfortable relationship that i did not truly want but i felt like i needed something. after this i became an alcoholic and got into another relationship that really destroyed me. I no longer have an alcohol problem, but i am noticing i still look for outside things to fill some void that is in me. Instead of focusing on looking in myself and focusing on my career, i work a job that is ok, but i have made no efforts to look for something that i am more passionate about. i have spent all my free time taking care of a significant other or focusing on anything that is not about me so that i dont have to face myself. I know that this has been such a slow recovery for me and i should have gotten past this by now. I hope this is not discouraging for anyone. i will say that i did start feeling more like myself within six months after for sure and i could have run with that and turn everything around so anyone who is struggling with quitting now, there is so much hope that you will have none of these issues. i think i could have been great within 6 months to a year if i had tried. I know its past time to focus on myself and let go of all addictions.. drugs people alcohol .. anything that i use as a distraction from facing myself. I still have not accepted that i did this to myself.  it has all been a traumatizing experience for me. I have let people walk all over me due to low self esteem which i never had before. I am ready to look at my life finally i think but i am scared.

[BeHereNow]

Heather thank you for sharing your story and your struggles.  I think a lot of people here have the same underlying issue of needing to let go of all addictions and face themselves.  Searching for something through these addictions, whether it's pills, people, or alcohol.  It sounds like you have made a lot of progress moving forward, and you've learned a lot from these experiences.  

 

Try to think of all of this as a gift, and focus on gratitude.  You've fast forwarded your learning process in ways that you wouldn't have if you hadn't gone through all of this. 

 

Congrats on 3 years, and keep your head up!  

[bluemoon]

I hope I don't feel that way in three years

I'm sorry you're still struggling.

[William]

Wow. gotta say I'm feeling what bluemoon is on that timeline..😟 And I'm very sorry to hear your struggles are still lingering after such a long time buttfliesandlies! I hope and pray relief comes your way soon. NEVER give up!

[Frank B]

Before adderal did you have these same issues? Just seems like maybe adderal masked those problems and now they are still present years after stopping which would make sense. Also not sure why you had skin breaks out from adderal and now is still scarring did you see a dermatologist to confirm this was from adderall use? Where are you hanging out where people openly talk about daily adderal and benzo use? Maybe you should not hang out with those people. Hell I did adderall for 9 years and my own mother never knew I was ashamed to be honest. I hope things get better and these questions did not offend you.