temper tantrums

[Zerokewl]

I'm 38 years old and I through temper tantrums when things don't go my way. I send emails I shouldn't send that destroy business relationships. I smash mugs, cellphones, car stereos and scare my cat. 

 

I have issues with rage. I feel screwed over by people. White hot poison lava courses through my veins. I'm so sensitive people can't say anything to me because they are afraid I will be overly hurt or I'll blow up. 

 

I spend far too much time plotting impossible schemes to retaliate on my oppressors. I've spoiled many relationships because I can't get over my anger.  

 

I'm afraid I will have a stroke.  I need to find a way of getting control of my emotions. But I really have no idea how. 

 

I over react to everything. I'm a super calm, mellow person so people are always really surprised when I turn into a rage filled crazy person.  

[quit-once]

Practice forgiveness.  Before expressing your rage or plotting a revenge,  

Ask yourself

1) will this fuck with my inner peace later on?

2) will this burn a bridge that I may need to cross again?

 

Mango the Cat will thank you!

 

Sometimes when I have been wronged and there is no recourse, I simply forgive the act but NEVER forget about it.  Doing this helps me to put a wrong in the win column while gaining a life lesson. 

[Shambo]

I do the same thing. My current focus is how I'm someone people want on their team cause I go to bat for people I love in a big way. But I look around and who the fuck is on my team? I'm down and out. No one is here. And I'm certain there's an AA lesson in here somewhere. This fucking sucks. Booooohoooohooooooo. And now I want to punch stuffed animals.

[Zerokewl]

 

Sometimes when I have been wronged and there is no recourse, I simply forgive the act but NEVER forget about it.  Doing this helps me to put a wrong in the win column while gaining a life lesson. 

 

So how do you forget about it? I guess you have to channel that anger into something positive house work, swimming etc. I just can't help replaying these events over and over in my head.   Mistakes I've made.  I've read all the quotes about your past, and learning from your mistakes. But how do you stop playing the events over and over in your head.  You just do. I guess its hard, the ego causes us so many problems. My ego needed adderall. I let my ego drive too much. 

 

I've just never been able to do the water off the ducks back thing and I need to learn. Like fucking now.  I have no idea how politicians and public figures deal. 

 

When you start realizing you are a praise whore and you've been chasing the approval of a bunch of assholes your entire life. I hate it when people compliment my work because I think they are blowing sunshine up my ass. When people are critical about my work I think about it endlessly and it effects my ability to stay in the moment.  I am rarely satisfied with my work. I'm always blowing things up instead of dismantling them. 

 

Forward is the only direction that matters. Your past doesn't matter. You adapt this mantra and people say you are running from your past. Why do I care what these people think at all. Half these assholes wouldn't walk across the street to piss on my head if it was on fire. 

 

Sales stats, analytics and various metrics are the only true measure of your success. But those numbers are so easily skewed by a bunch of assholes in a boardroom circle jerk. Fuck.  

 

I'm running out of keyboards to smash. Smashing a keyboard is so satisfying keys flying everywhere maybe you stick a key and your computer screeches like a murder victim.  Weeks later I find a random "q" key under some furniture and you think I fucking showed that keyboard. I made that keyboard my bitch.  Then you sit down to type an email on some 9.99 el cheapo keyboard that just feels cheap and you'll never get used to it and you regret killing your old keyboard. I need to buy some keyboards at a thrift shop for smashing.  But that would seem artificial like hunting with bait.   

[Shambo]

I'm in no way undermining what you're sharing zero, I'm pissed at myself. I've gone from loser to pathetic and currently I rage at the smallest things. Sorry if my comment above came off insulting. I barely make sense these days.

[Shambo]

Zero your last comment has me in tears. It's exactly how I feel too. Let me know if you find the magic cure.

[Zerokewl]

Zero your last comment has me in tears. It's exactly how I feel too. Let me know if you find the magic cure.

 

I think you just keep showing up.  Its your average that matters. Your never going to get it all right.  You just keep fighting for the wins. A bad game doesn't make a bad season.  A bad season doesn't make a bad career.  The people who give into "loser" label who are the losers. 

[Zerokewl]

I'm in no way undermining what you're sharing zero, I'm pissed at myself. I've gone from loser to pathetic and currently I rage at the smallest things. Sorry if my comment above came off insulting. I barely make sense these days.

 

wasn't offended sort of comforting to know other people feel this way. I'm just frustrated right now and cant stop running shit through my mind.It seems like sometimes I'm creating a new drama to forget the last one.   

[quit-once]

While in school I was a B student and in life I am an eighty percenter.  If I am right 80 percent of the time, or if I win 80 percent of my battles, I'm doing OK.  I try to choose only the battles I think I can win but it doesn't always work out that way.  "oh well" is one of my favorite sayings when I am wrong or don't win.

 

Treat the wrongs you have been done like banks treat bad loans:  They will hound you with credit collectors' calls and threats and the like, but at some point, they quit bugging you and simply ding your credit record for several years.  They may never loan you money again, but they are still in business and making money anyway.  They don't need you and you don't need them.  Everyone moves on.......

 

Never forget being fucked over and always take a lesson from the experience.

 

Does smashing keyboards and destroying things make you feel guilty?  

If so, that is a good place to start - with yourself and practicing self-forgiveness first. 

[LILTEX41]

Z,

 

I have found that when I am happy with myself, I don't really let others get under my skin as much.  When I'm feeling down on myself I tend to project that onto everyone around me. I can turn whatever they say into something negative when that might not've been what they even meant.  

 

Can you try to focus on all the positive changes you've made in your life and try not to judge yourself so harshly?  I feel like it's your inner critic that is the underlying cause of so much of your distress.  If you can find a way to be more kind and loving to yourself, it might roll off a lot easier when people attack or act like assholes.  

 

As far as other people go, I practice the following 3 steps.

 

1) God is my vindicator.  2) Do not repay evil for evil.  3) Just keep being your best.  

 

Matthew 5:38-45
"You have heard that it was said, 'AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.' "But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. "If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also.

"Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. "Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. "You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.' "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

 

Also, check out this article on Smart about Anger.  There is recommended book called 3 minute therapy. Maybe it could help!

 

http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Articles_and_Essays/Rational_Thinking/anger.htm

[hyper_critical]

Working a recovery program has helped me dramatically. Papered over a lot of emotional issues with Adderall. Sponsor and therapist have helped me identify and work through a number of things. 

[Zerokewl]

Z,

 

I have found that when I am happy with myself, I don't really let others get under my skin as much.  When I'm feeling down on myself I tend to project that onto everyone around me. I can turn whatever they say into something negative when that might not've been what they even meant.  

 

Can you try to focus on all the positive changes you've made in your life and try not to judge yourself so harshly?  I feel like it's your inner critic that is the underlying cause of so much of your distress.  If you can find a way to be more kind and loving to yourself, it might roll off a lot easier when people attack or act like assholes.  

 

As far as other people go, I practice the following 3 steps.

 

1) God is my vindicator.  2) Do not repay evil for evil.  3) Just keep being your best.  

 

Matthew 5:38-45

"You have heard that it was said, 'AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.' "But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. "If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also.

"Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. "Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. "You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.' "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

 

Also, check out this article on Smart about Anger.  There is recommended book called 3 minute therapy. Maybe it could help!

 

http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Articles_and_Essays/Rational_Thinking/anger.htm

 

 

like the idea of not getting angry in the 1st place. Like don't go there. Strange. 

[LILTEX41]

Z,

 

Have you tried practicing mindfulness meditation?  This is some good stuff!  I've been watching a few videos on youtube past couple days.  I think this might be the answer for so many of us!!  I've heard people preach about the benefits of it for so long, but was never really able to apply it until today.  I don't know, but it suddenly clicked for me.  It was weird, but as I got up this morning and felt my thoughts spinning in a million different directions (some seriously negative thoughts) I thought about what I learned last night and decided to just detach from the thoughts and let them pass by as clouds.  So then I was able to focus on the present moment and crap I needed to get done.  Suddenly, I had a flashback of my adderall days and realized that's exactly what adderall used to do for me.  Adderall cleared out all the racing thoughts and just allowed me to focus on the task at hand.  I sincerely believe IF i keep training myself to detach more and more from feelings and intense emotions I will be more at peace able to focus on the present moment.  It keeps you out of dwelling on the past and fretting about the future.  

[Zerokewl]

Z,

 

Have you tried practicing mindfulness meditation?  This is some good stuff!  I've been watching a few videos on youtube past couple days.  I think this might be the answer for so many of us!!  I've heard people preach about the benefits of it for so long, but was never really able to apply it until today.  I don't know, but it suddenly clicked for me.  It was weird, but as I got up this morning and felt my thoughts spinning in a million different directions (some seriously negative thoughts) I thought about what I learned last night and decided to just detach from the thoughts and let them pass by as clouds.  So then I was able to focus on the present moment and crap I needed to get done.  Suddenly, I had a flashback of my adderall days and realized that's exactly what adderall used to do for me.  Adderall cleared out all the racing thoughts and just allowed me to focus on the task at hand.  I sincerely believe IF i keep training myself to detach more and more from feelings and intense emotions I will be more at peace able to focus on the present moment.  It keeps you out of dwelling on the past and fretting about the future.  

 

I totally used adderall the same way. To get in and stay in the zone. It worked for a while, I got more done until it didn't work and all i did was smoke cigarettes, move furniture around and clean.  Those thoughts where I replay every wrong move and re-live every disappointment I've ever had.  Over and over again. Are wrecking the good things I have going right now. I have a lot of opportunities to advance myself.  It really comes down to me following a healthy routine.  The next 3 months can be a game changer for me. If I can execute on a few things.  I just need to execute on something and push the game forward.  

 

There is a win here. I can feel it. Just need to get through August.  

[Traceme]

I am reminded of the movie where Bridget Fonda gets rehabilitated from being a violent street person to a calm cool killing machine.  During the process, Anne Bancroft plays the part of "polishing" her social abilities and her anger was pretty out of control-she forces Bridget Fonda to use the phrase, "Well I never did mind about the little things..." when something arose to just piss her the hell off.  At first you can tell she would say it to basically mock the phrase as a whole-but eventually, as time went on, she used the phrase more and more.  She came to find that everything is a "little thing".  (Probably because she was always being shot at-but you get my drift here) Yes-just a movie-but I always just kinda kept that phrase in the back of my head.  When a negative emotion gets less and less attention in your thoughts and in your actions-you eventually just develop a new way of thinking without ever really making it a goal.  I learned it was easier to live each moment.  With good intention.  (was this movie Point of No Return? )  I don't know-but a little Nina Simone goes a long way too.  Peace Z.

[Frank B]

[BeHereNow]

I am a huge fan of Dialectical Behavior Therapy.  I have a workbook on it.  Basically, it's a therapy method that was designed for people with borderline personality disorder or other issues controlling emotions.

 

Best technique I use all the time: Opposite action.  You feel like laying in bed all day, force yourself up and do something.  You feel the urge to send that text or email, don't.  Do the opposite of your urge.  Motivation will follow and you start to feel better.  

 

DBT Workbook - look it up on Amazon