Frank B Posted August 8, 2016 Report Share Posted August 8, 2016 Been kind of dead on here lately just checking in lol. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renascido Posted August 8, 2016 Report Share Posted August 8, 2016 Meh, struggling a bit lately. Trying to stay positive though.Less than a month now until my year anniversary. How are you hanging in, Frank? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted August 8, 2016 Report Share Posted August 8, 2016 Today I am feeling great. When I think about all the times I've wanted to go back to drinking in the past (almost 9 months) and I overcame it, I feel so grateful.. Some days are harder than others. Just so thankful to still be on the right track and moving forward. God is good. I am blessed. How about yourself, Frank? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted August 8, 2016 Report Share Posted August 8, 2016 I'm doing alright over here, but I'm not really sure actually. I feel like something MAY be starting to turn around for the better... I don't feel "good" yet, but I don't feel "bad" either, if that makes any sense!! Lol. I made it out of the house to be social TWICE this past weekend, and I even made it to the gym too. That's gotta be some kind of record haha. How are things going with you Frank?? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted August 8, 2016 Report Share Posted August 8, 2016 PS - Renascido, how crazy that you are almost at A WHOLE YEAR!! What an accomplishment!! Proud of you. Stay positive 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted August 8, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 8, 2016 Doing pretty good works slowing down some which means I need to hit the gym again. Still frustrated my locker got broke into but the truth is with all the stuff I have to work out at home I simply do not. I even go to the gym just to run outside but at home wont even run around my own neighborhood. I guess its actually going to the gym that tells my brain its time to focus on working out at home too many distractions. I never canceled my membership because I thought this may happen guess I wont bring anything but my membership card inside sad you cant trust people these days. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted August 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2016 Just for the record today I feel sort of like I'm on adderall, not in a good way. Been a little stressed getting everything ready for the school year to begin sort of feel my heads in the fog from stress/anxiety again blahh! Backs been hurting too miss pain pills but need to start working out again noticed when I lifted etc had less pain. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danquit Posted August 9, 2016 Report Share Posted August 9, 2016 I just hit 100 days yesterday and I feel ok. It seems like the depression and anxiety got better right at the 3 month mark for me. I don't really feel anything lately, no sadness, no joy, no excitement, no pleasure. I'm just existing right now. I know my brain is rewiring itself especially around my pain, pleasure, reward center but this anhedonia is agonizing. I can't seem to be happy about anything. Is anyone else feeling like they are just existing without a purpose or hope for the future? I suppose it's good that I'm not feeling suicidal and I don't have thoughts of impending doom, but I really miss being content. That's what Adderall did for me, it made me feel content with whatever I was doing, it didn't matter if I was unemployed, I was just happy with everything, I didn't have a care in the world. Now, I have a job and all I do is worry about what if I lose my job, I won't be able to pay rent. Is this normal at about 100 days? I am really struggling even though I may look ok to others and I may even sound ok here. I know I am better than I was 2 months ago because I can remember how awful I was feeling then, but I'm afraid this is as good as it gets and I get very discouraged. I guess that's why I haven't posted here in a while, it's true that we only tend to post when we're feeling good. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted August 9, 2016 Report Share Posted August 9, 2016 Absolutely. Thank you for admitting you're feeling down. Overcoming this drug is HARD. It is a crutch that makes you feel like superman and hell I don't know what heroin feels like, but I imagine it would be somewhere in the same category. Adderall (in the beginning) makes you feel like rainbows are shooting out your ass and life IS FANTASTIC!!! WHOOOO HOOO!! But it turns on you and destroys you in the long term. Just remember it's going to take time. First year is the hardest. I still get down from time to time, but I just keep hanging in there and that's life. Everyone has ups and downs. We are just back to facing reality and what all other people face once off this drug. The contrast between adderall world vs. reality is frightening in the beginning. It sucks. But I promise you will be thankful eventually that you are no longer a slave to some piece of shit soul destroying poison that has warped your mind, body, and all that life has to offer you. If you will just hang in there you can develop yourself in all kinds of ways to reach your potential without this poison in your life. Think of it has finding long term happiness rather than a quick fix. The things you do to find your happiness without this crutch will last a lifetime. Take this pill to solve your temporary problems and you remain stuck on the hamster's wheel. Don't ever give up the fight!! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted August 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2016 I just hit 100 days yesterday and I feel ok. It seems like the depression and anxiety got better right at the 3 month mark for me. I don't really feel anything lately, no sadness, no joy, no excitement, no pleasure. I'm just existing right now. I know my brain is rewiring itself especially around my pain, pleasure, reward center but this anhedonia is agonizing. I can't seem to be happy about anything. Is anyone else feeling like they are just existing without a purpose or hope for the future? I suppose it's good that I'm not feeling suicidal and I don't have thoughts of impending doom, but I really miss being content. That's what Adderall did for me, it made me feel content with whatever I was doing, it didn't matter if I was unemployed, I was just happy with everything, I didn't have a care in the world. Now, I have a job and all I do is worry about what if I lose my job, I won't be able to pay rent. Is this normal at about 100 days? I am really struggling even though I may look ok to others and I may even sound ok here. I know I am better than I was 2 months ago because I can remember how awful I was feeling then, but I'm afraid this is as good as it gets and I get very discouraged. I guess that's why I haven't posted here in a while, it's true that we only tend to post when we're feeling good. It does get better your in the thick of the battle right now I recall 3 months -6 months the hardest. I still feel pretty numb to most emotions but Im getting better. Slowly Im getting more ambitions for long term goals now I just need to start acting on them but also taking it slow day to day. I posted this topic to encourage anybody to say how they are feeling it shouldn't be just when they feel good in recovery. If you go to NA you know a support group isn't about just bragging when something good happens leave that fake egotistical crap for Facebook. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted August 9, 2016 Report Share Posted August 9, 2016 Thanks for checking in Frank. It's important to support each other all the time, even when things aren't going so well. I am not doing very well. Horrible depression, anxiety, panic attacks. And, I have been drinking again. I could blame it on the recent death in my family, or social events, or my recent breakup, or a long string of bad dates. I know I need to get myself to a meeting. Fuck addiction. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted August 9, 2016 Report Share Posted August 9, 2016 Thanks for checking in Frank. It's important to support each other all the time, even when things aren't going so well. I am not doing very well. Horrible depression, anxiety, panic attacks. And, I have been drinking again. I could blame it on the recent death in my family, or social events, or my recent breakup, or a long string of bad dates. I know I need to get myself to a meeting. Fuck addiction. So sorry to hear about all the bad news!! If you need someone to talk to, please message me. It's not worth it!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted August 10, 2016 Report Share Posted August 10, 2016 Dan, 3 months is still VERY early in recovery... What you're experiencing is very normal for that stage. I wish I could say it gets better soon but just like Frank said, basically months 3-7 were very, very hard for me. The 8th month has been not as bad so far. I'm starting to notice small improvements in my mood and energy. BeHereNow, when it rains it pours, doesn't it?? Sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. I hope you can find some light in your days. Hugs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duffman Posted August 11, 2016 Report Share Posted August 11, 2016 I noticed today is my 6 month anniversary of quitting Adderall so I figured I would pop on here. I'll be honest, this clinical rotation is pushing me to my limit. Terrible is a bit dramatic and not wholly accurate.. If I were to sum it up thus far in one word, I would say it's 'uncomfortable'. At times, it's probably the most uncomfortable I've ever been. I'm bouncing between fatigue and anxiety, and finding that sweet spot (tolerable spot?) with coffee is not easy and not guaranteed to happen. I'm working on the Neurological ICU and Acute floor at a trauma level 1 hospital, so many of my patients are really debilitated. My workload feels insurmountable at times. Sometimes I feel more like the patients I work with than the other physical therapist I work under. I'm just not feeling comfortable in my own skin and I'm sure the lack of sleep due to the ever-worsening insomnia I'm experiencing lately isn't helping my cause. THAT BEING SAID.. I am extremely stoked that I'm being able to do what I'm doing now without Adderall. I don't have to dread the Adderall crash at the end of the day anymore. I am proving to myself that I can handle professional life without popping manic-inducing pills every couple hours. I am free and I never intend on going back. Also, today wasn't a bad day.. dare I say it was a pretty good day. I'm hoping these days become more frequent. Sure I'm not experiencing that rush feeling that Adderall so readily provided, but at a few points throughout my day I felt like I was thriving again. I missed that feeling so much. Oh, and Danquit, you're not alone with what you're feeling. http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/3490-i-feel-nothing-and-its-a-terrible-feeling/This is a post I wrote when I was around your quitting time frame. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
featherdusters Posted August 11, 2016 Report Share Posted August 11, 2016 I'm 6 months in and I try not to judge my experience. I am going to speech therapy for brain damage and I can't help but wonder if my cognitive issues are PAWS related and/or if PAWS is brain damage. I try not to ask questions like "what if I have to go back on medication" I am saving those questions for the 2 year mark. I experience anhedonia, flashpan anger, anxiety is gone for now, I have cognative issues, .,. I guess that's it. I enjoy reading everyones misery because it lets me know I am on the right track. It would be nice to have a section for success stories. Graduation stories. Sanctuary. Nice to meet everyone. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted August 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 Sick of not finding interest in so many things I used to. Why do I still think laying around in bed on my off time is better then doing things enjoying life getting fucking old Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted August 14, 2016 Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 Yeah Frank, I feel the same way. Didn't get out of my pajamas today and had a 3 hour nap in the afternoon. A beautiful summer day and I wasted it away. Some days are better than others for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted August 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 I watched wolf of Wallstreet love that movie boy reminds me of how I somewhat lived my life just fucked up but making money not as much as him course lol. : "On a daily basis I consume enough drugs to sedate Manhattan, Long Island, and Queens for a month. I take Quaaludes 10-15 times a day for my "back pain", Adderall to stay focused, Xanax to take the edge off, pot to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again, and morphine... Well, because it's awesome." Not trying to glamorize my drug use or his from the movie just in a funk wondering if the rest of my life will be a boring shit fest of being a lazy fuck with low ambitions. I always been on drugs in some form or another since a freshman in high school I always needed them to feel happy not to fit in etc. Just wish I could be happy sober but it's so fucking boring just how I feel now sure it will get fucking better whatever blah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted August 14, 2016 Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 Same here Frank, started experimenting with drugs in high school when I was about 16. I wasn't necessarily steadily on drugs the whole time but I always liked to party. Once I found Adderall, I didn't really need the party drugs anymore so I just stuck to the Adderall. Well I can honestly say I never really knew what "addiction" felt like until Adderall. Feeling like I "needed" a drug just to get out of bed and function was a scary thing. But if one good thing has come out of it, my addiction to Adderall was so bad that it has scared me away from any and all drugs all together. I really do hope we can find a happy life on the other side of this and we don't just stay lazy, miserable and bored forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted August 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 Think I'm gonna give up caffeine also it does nothing . I should just embrace living like a freaking Mormon I guess. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted August 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 Day two actually of no caffeine. I decided to stop because I've been buying 5hr energy drinks that give me the quickest shot of caffeine. Two problems I don't really feel any different and they are expensive. Had a bad headache most of the day which is a typical caffeine withdraw symptom. So maybe why I'm in a foul mood but tired of wasting money on crap that does not work for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted August 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2016 Ok I've had a migraine tonight and vomited. I had no idea withdraw from caffeine is like withdrawing from crack or something. But I was consuming way too much so guess my body is shocked like "Where the fuck is the caffeine dude? " Hope this is worth doing guess just love to torture myself at this point Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted August 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2016 Today I feel much better no headache! I actually feel a lot different having no caffeine for three days. I actually feel like I have more energy? I've read taking away all caffeine can help you achieve a better nights sleep might be something to that. Also I know they say for people who do have ADHD caffeine can do the opposite. Anyways feel hopeful this can really turn things around for me. I had no idea how much our bodies cling on to things like caffeine and would have such horrible withdraw but it was very short lived and if this is a sighs of things to come 100% worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted August 16, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2016 Slight headache tonight but not that bad. Don't know why I'm posting updates on this guess it's not the quitting caffeine site but this for me is part of my journey to get my body truly drug free. If I can get myself back to a pure state maybe a better well being will happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
featherdusters Posted August 16, 2016 Report Share Posted August 16, 2016 No one else is talking, so why not talk about caffiene withdrawal. Ive read it takes 9 days. Keep up the good work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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