Does the season change help you?

[Traceme]

Hello all-

 

I woke up to a new calendar month and a cooler breezy day and I thought about change.  Change is hard for me.  I don't know when that became hard for me or how I came to realize it was hard for me-but I want to try to embrace that now.  I usually fight it-to the point of tears really-and I don't want to do that anymore.  I want to "use" this season change to the fullest.  I don't know I would feel the same if it were spring.  I don't feel like sunshine and rainbows right now.  I feel like fall.  I feel cooler-solemn like cool cloudy days-maybe if I can just take each day slow and somber like the days ahead-I can come out of winter ready to grow and blossom.   

[LILTEX41]

Glad you are still here with us!  You're writing is so eloquent.

 

I'm ready for fall too.  I really feel you have good things ahead.  It sounds like you are getting to a better place.  Let go of what was and ready to embrace all that is yet to come.  There's always that adjustment period, but sooner than later you'll be back in a good place again.

 

Wishing you all the best!  

[Frank B]

I hope things change right now my mood is pretty blah. Im not happy and not sad, I do not feel anxiety but not calm either. I feel like I'm in a sort of adderall purgatory which is better then the hell I experienced earlier but also not where I want to reside for the next couple of months.

[Traceme]

Thanks LilTex!  I am trying daily for a better place.  I am sure there has to be one-so it feels more like a search/adventure...than a feeling.  That adjustment period is hell...but I am climbing. (Baby steps)     Frank-the anxiety is horrible (at least I think what I am feeling is anxiety because I am not calm either)...I hate it.  I have anxiety about the stupidest crap...like...sleeping.  I will wake myself up at night worried that I won't get enough sleep and then not be able to fall back asleep.  I have that empty feeling in my stomach every single day.  Empty with worry.  It's not a place I want to reside in either.  Heck, I never even wanted to visit this emotion.  I never had anxiety before...my whole life felt happy go lucky...enter adderall.....bye bye sanity.   

[bluemoon]

Frank, I'm feeling the exact same lately. Not good but not bad, just nothing. Blah!! That's why I haven't been writing much on here lately, I just don't really have a lot to say right now. 

 

Traceme, the best days of your life are still ahead of you. I love the way you worded it, that in the spring you will grow and blossom. Sometimes we need to allow ourselves that time to just be down and out for a bit. I always get a little depressed in the winter, and I usually feel more content in the spring and summer. However, the past few years there hasn't really been any happiness, even when I was on Adderall haha. Hoping sobriety brings me the happiness I am longing for. 

[Traceme]

I sympathize with you Blue-feeling nothing almost seems like it would be a little worse than how I feel. How do you guys manage to get up and going everyday...I truly admire the strength or the will it must take to accomplish such a daunting feeling or lack thereof.  I honestly don't know if I would have it in me at this point.  I think my happiness lies within how content I am.  I don't believe I am very content right now.  I feel a little forced into this loneliness but I guess I've really been avoiding dealing with myself for sometime now-and well...guess now is as good of time as any for this soul search.