New member

[CMW11]

Hey guys I just joined the forums a little over a month ago, this site has been an extremely helpful resource for me and I just wanted to introduce myself by sharing a little bit about my experience as it pertains specifically to adderall.

 

I first took adderall in the 12th grade to help with my SATs.

After that, I only took it infrequently and in 10-20mg doses for more difficult college exams or projects.

It stayed this way for about 2 years until I started taking them in much larger doses with increasing frequency.

By my third year at school, I was taking adderall every day except Sunday and some Mondays in 40mg doses or more for no particular reason.

Within 2 or 3 months, the 40mg baseline had increased to 60-80mg /day and this was also around the time that some of the higher doses in a given day started to become unknown because I had stopped counting.

At this time, I was taking an anti-depressant (prescribed) and that, combined with low doses of vyvanse resulted in seizures on two separate occasions within the same week.

I immediately stopped taking the anti-depressant when I concluded that these were an extreme case of something called Serotonin Syndrome and was relieved to find out that I could still take adderall by the shovelful and not have the seizures.

I continued a similar pattern of use and dosage into my fourth year of school except now I was taking anything with amphetamine in the name the second I could get my hands on it in addition to the daily adderall.

I did not graduate on time that year because I was in another world with my drug and alcohol abuse.

I returned to school that fall and worked 2 jobs while taking classes, all of which was fueled by astronomical amounts of adderall, I slept a handful of hours each week.

I finally graduated that December and returned home to take a month's break from all of it before feeling the pressures of getting a job and being a real person before re-upping on more meds and even successfully getting a 40mg /day prescription of my own.

Within the second week of my new job I had another seizure- I was taking anti-depressants again.

Again, I decided to cut out the anti-depressants but maintain the adderall intake.

After 3 months at this job I quit, using the seizures as a justification to my employers, but in reality, I was in such a state of psychosis that I couldn't function on a day-to-day basis.

I spent the entire summer unemployed, just waiting on refills- I would guzzle it down in a week then lay in bed for another week, then I would just wait 2 weeks for my refill. I never ate, slept, or worked- I basically just tweaked and smoked cigarettes for 4 months.

 

I am now 23 years old and am in an intensive outpatient program to help me recover from my addiction. Today I am 40 days clean of all drugs and alcohol and honestly it's just been okay- I'm hoping to find other means of motivation as I continue "on my journey".

Thank you guys very much if you took the time to read my story and I look forward to (hopefully) being able to support you in your journeys as well.

[House]

Congrats on the 40 days! I'm new here as well. Sounds like you're making great stride in the right direction. Happy to hear you chose to take action by participating in an I.O.P. I took a similar route (several rehabs ---> halfway houses and the AA fellowship) and this has worked pretty well for me.

It's great that you're able to admit that you have a substance abuse issue, as this took me years to admit to myself.

I love reading everyones stories on here because there are so many parallels to my own.

Early recover sucks for everyone, especially stimulant addicts, there's no sugar coating it.

My greatest hurdle in early recovery was my brain chemistry, which I had little to no control over. The mass quantities of dopamine that I was used to via adderall was suddenly gone and there I was left in a hazy wake of depression and my own self loathing.

Wellbutrin, coffee and cigarettes helped and exercise...Vigorous exercise. It's going to take some time for your brain to reach homeostasis.

Is it frustrating not being able to function at the high level that I had become so accustomed to? Yes. Do I have days where I get depressed and overwhelmed by life? Of course. But guess what, this is completely normal behavior and everyone has some sort of internal struggle from time to time.

I was a biology/psychology major so I've always had a scientific like approach with nearly everything in my life. I pray every single morning and if I miss a day, I can feel it. It's strange, illogical and intangible, but none the less an imperative tool to my recovery.

I'm not trying to preach or push spirituality/god/religion/whatever you'd like to call it on you. I'm simply stating what works for me.

Stay strong! Hope to hear more from you!

[CMW11]

Thanks House, I also like seeing the parallels with other peoples' stories- it has been instrumental in my success so far.

I appreciate some of your feedback on the things that work for you, I look forward to incorporating some of them as I work on dealing with the ever-present "void" I feel in me having left adderall and everything else behind.

[Frank B]

Thanks for sharing keep on going its a long battle visit this site often it helps.