tantan911 Posted November 18, 2016 Report Share Posted November 18, 2016 I am feeling very depressed and disheartened today. I am trying to motivate myself to write a blog and i just keep getting distracted. It is hard working on a project without adderall and all the caffeine in the world will not get my brain going like it used to. I am trying to set a time limit on myself to get this writing done and struggling hard. i feel so complacent about everything and I wish i could honestly just give myself a swift kick in the ass. I am wasting so much time today procrastinating and then I get even more depressed because I get mad at myself for not doing what i set out to do. It is a vicious cycle. I really want to get this blog up before christmas so I am putting a deadline on it for december 10th. i can't believe two years have gone by and i am still having such a hard time. i find myself always getting distracted by relationships, and then nothing even seems to pan out. i haven't had a real romantic relationship with anyone since I quit this stuff and it makes me wonder what i am doing wrong there too. why can't i care with the same about of passion bout whats actually important? my priorities feel so out of whack. i want to be the best version of myself i can be, and i don't want to give up but i am very frustrated with myself right now. i don't really know what else to say but i am reaching out for support because I feel like everything I'm doing is pointless. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted November 18, 2016 Report Share Posted November 18, 2016 Sounds like me and you same boat although you have a year on me and that honestly scares me. What is the blog for just a hobby? How are things going otherwise work etc? I'm just asking because I've been self employeed for years ever since I quit addy I can't kick myself into gear I work when it comes in enjoy what I do just not the office side. I'm looking at returing to work for a former employer. I'm a little nervous that I won't kick my ass into gear but if I have someone holding me accountable daily it should force me to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tantan911 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 18, 2016 i honestly hate being a downer and i don't want to scare you Frank B! i still think staying off it is the way to go, you are almost at one year and that is truly amazing! the blog is a hobby (that maybe could turn into a profession if i really took it seriously like i want to) I'm trying to start a "lifestyle" blog with recipes I've made and pictures I've taken.. i was such a good writer before i started taking adderall (ten years ago) and now it is so hard for me to get myself going sometimes. i work freelance as a location scout for tv shows and i was staffed on one for 5 months this summer but now thats over so i work on different things week to week. Because i have time off sometimes, the blog would be a way for me to use my off time more efficiently if i could just get a system down. i have a hard time staying motivated at work and hope that maybe someday i can switch to a different profession, but location scouting is where the money is at for me right now. i feel like my boss from the 5 month job i just finished hates me bc i was so freakin distracted all summer with going to phish shows and traveling and partying and now that its over I'm like, "shit!!! what did i do!?" i guess its all a learning experience. i am somewhat of a big drinker and i haven't had a drop of alcohol since the election 11 days ago so I'm wondering if that has anything to do with my awful mood today? I'm not sure but i am allowing myself to feel the sadness in the hopes that i can process it and let it go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted November 18, 2016 Report Share Posted November 18, 2016 It makes me sad that you're still feeling this way at over 2 years. Are some days better than others? Do you at least have some good days? I can't imagine having to deal with feeling this way for that long. The crazy motivation I can live without, but happiness is something I really need to come back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted November 21, 2016 Report Share Posted November 21, 2016 Tantan, Love your idea about, "I'm not sure but i am allowing myself to feel the sadness in the hopes that i can process it and let it go." I think this is a great place to start! Take a moment and just allow yourself to feel sad that you are no longer the adderall machine. It's okay to feel sad about that. Embrace it and really allow yourself to grieve about it if you need to. In fact, why not write a goodbye letter or have a funeral for the pills, lol. I think if you can just allow yourself to be okay with being sad and disappointed about it, that will help you move past it. Ok, so after you do that, then I suggest you to VISUALIZE an entire new work strategy ahead. I think you need to re-vamp your old ways of doing things and chunk down your deadline. So for example shoot for just doing a tiny portion of it first like step 1: Brainstorming. After you come up with as many ideas as possible for the article, then take a break and reward yourself. Go get some starbucks and read a magazine or strike up a convo with strangers there or whatever. Then come back to the blog and create an outline. Reward. Section 1 - reward. Keep doing this and just knocking out a little bit at a time. I think you seem overwhelmed because you are telling yourself you have to have the ENTIRE thing done by a certain date and then get upset when you can't knock it out in 1 day the way you probably did before with adderall. However, remember non-adderall users most likely don't do that either and that's NORMAL to function at a slower pace. You can actually have an enjoyable experience doing it if you take your time, give yourself rewards, and try to make it fun. Socialize with others more during the process. That will help! Just remember that recovery is a new territory. It is kinda similar to your past prior to adderall, but different. You can reflect on the way you used to be before this drug and then add on old strategies of how you used to get shit done. You have to visualize and CREATE a new effective way to operate in your world adderall free. Don't kick yourself for not being the robotic machine that you were due to some pharmaceutical enhancement designer drug. Look at the exciting challenge that lyes in front of you as to how you are going to conquer your world without adderall. You just have to find new strategies to be successful. And you CAN and WILL find them. Just don't compare yourself to the old way or you'll get depressed. Know that once you have mastered new effective strategies to achieve at work and in life, these strategies will be PERMANENT and LAST for your entire lifetime. You won't be a slave to some pill that is detrimental to you overall. Keep us posted on your progress please. You GOT this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubbagump99 Posted December 9, 2016 Report Share Posted December 9, 2016 Have you tried going to see a doctor? Maybe you're depressed. Have you tried eating healthy and working out a couple times a week? It sounds painful lol but believe me, it makes such a big difference in your recovery. You feel better physically and mentally. Don't roll your eyes, it's true lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted December 10, 2016 Report Share Posted December 10, 2016 Be careful asking a doctor for help how many of us got on this stuff. They often look to bandage a problem with a pill which will may only result in more problems further down the road. Need to find the root of the problem something I try hard myself to figure out with my depression If I could afford a good therapist I'd go that route. I know exersize helps also sunlight and try eating right. If my fiancé who I hate would give up carbs I'd do that but she won't so do my best to limit them they make me tired after eating them. Wait did I say hate my fiancé? Hmm maybe just found my problem lol. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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