Bubbagump99 Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Ok guys, I'll make this long story short. In January I started my tapering mostly bc of this guy that came into my life -was there for the last year maybe more. however, I was still tied to a relationship and living with my significant other who I didn't want to be with you anymore. i told the new guy I wanted him and I did. I told you I was gonna move out and I wanted to. In march during my taper I was down from 30 mg to 15mg which was one of the worst 'drops' while tapering. I was depressed, exhausted, I just didn't care about anyone or anything. I told the new guy in march that I moved out when I really didn't. I just couldn't physically and mentally do anything. It was so awful I would come home from work and just cry. when I went back to my dr she even offered me antidepressants but I was so determined to just not take any pills ever again. i feel like if I never tapered, him and I would still be together. I knew he wouldn't be able able to handle how awful I was feeling. It's like you feel paralyzed while having the flu. Idk how else to explain this. I loved him so much but I just couldn't do anything at the time.. I felt so weak. I just wanted to sleep and hide and go away forever. to this day the new guy thinks I lied to him about everything and always says 'actions speak louder than words' and while he's right, he just can't imagine what I went through. I feel like no one ever will unless you went through it too. for those of you that went through withdrawals can you understand my point or am I crazy? What do you guys think? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheeri0 Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Hi there. I'm relatively new to the boards and haven't posted my own story yet, but your post really reminded me of myself and I wanted to shoot you a reply. First of all, you are absolutely not crazy. I wasn't strong enough to taper and ended up quitting cold turkey, but in the first 4 months or so of my recovery I was pretty emotionally/physically useless (I'm only at 4.5 months now, and I feel like in the past few weeks I've been doing a lot better). I obviously didn't do anything malicious to intentionally hurt my friends/family, but the lethargy of withdrawal made it difficult to show up for them in meaningful ways and I'm sure their feelings were hurt because of it. You have to remember, though, that even in your current, not-quite-all-there state of mind, you're much more useful to the people you care about when you're tired and in withdrawal then when you're tweaked out on more adderall. Keep chugging down this road of recovery, you've done an excellent job so far and it will only get better from here. But I, for one, completely understand what you're going through. Know that these feelings ARE real, and even though others may not understand them, it doesn't make them any less valid. As for this "new" guy of yours... it seems like he's coming from a place of disappointment. But if you've made an honest effort to try to communicate how you've been feeling, and it hasn't changed his mind about what he thinks your motivations are/were, then I'd be inclined to say that you've done all you can and that it's time to move on. It always sucks feeling like you could've done more in a relationship that matters to you, but it's important for you to remember you're fighting for a more important relationship right now: the one you have with yourself. Good luck, keep going, and keep us updated! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 I think you need to focus on yourself right now if the new relationship was meant to be it still might down the road. Its really hard for anyone to understand what this is like its horrible and dont blame you for not moving even if you really wanted to. If you think not tapering and staying on adderall would have been worth this new guy you are wrong. Maybe you feel cold turkey would have been better for me it wasn't I failed going cold turkey. Doing the step down worked been a year plus clean going that route but I stepped down pretty fast not how the doctor recommended I recall when I stepped down to 10 mg it did way more harm then good so only took it a couple days before finally quitting. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubbagump99 Posted January 6, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2017 Yeah, thank you both for that. I know I need to take care of myself first and I'm definitely doing that but I feel bad about what (unintentionally) did to him. My intentions were always sincere but I knew he wouldn't and just couldn't understand the withdrawal process. You feel so helpless and hopeless. it was so awful I'd never take another pill or anything ever again. it just sucks trying to make someone understand when you know they never could Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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