The +2 Year Mark =,

[sobrietysucks]

I've been browsing through the forums and noticed those that have been adderall free for 2,3 and even 4 yrs still experience lack of motivation.

 

That is because they go back to being their pre adderall self. I remember I had very little motivation and was depressed before I took the pill. You will never truly be magically 'motivated' as your adderall self.

This is where people make the mistake of believing they are still in withdrawal. They are back to base self and life will have ups and down.

They become more active and productive few months later because they were forced to function without adderall. Those tasks eventually become a habit. This is a result of training the brain, not really relief from withdrawal symptom. 

I'm 1 month free (used for 3 yrs) and I already feel like to base line. The way I used to be before adderall. I honestly don't think I will have much improvement in the future. 

[duffman]

So this is where I believe referring to traumatic brain injury timelines is apropos, because I strongly believe we gave ourselves chemical brain injuries as opposed to, say, traumatic brain injuries (e.g. bumping your head) or ischemic brain injuries (stroke) by taking massive doses of Adderall. Now, healing times are very relevant to the conversation because healing from brain trauma is something that happens over the course of many months (usually a few years!), so being back to baseline would be incorrect in this instance. However, even if my hypothesis is wrong and our brains have absolutely no trauma, neuroplastic changes in the brain most definitely occurred while we were taking Adderall, and that takes a long time to correct; certainly longer than a month. When you take in a substance that influences neurotransmitters over the course of an extended period of an time, your brain adapts to this influx and begins to halt natural production of the said neurotransmitter, in this case, dopamine. In addition, our brain is constantly rewiring itself based on what we do to it or how we use it. Your brain's wiring was most definitely altered by using Adderall, no question. So your brain rewired itself to adapt to taking massive doses of Adderall, then you cease taking Adderall. The 'readapting phase', we'll call it, of your brain rewiring itself to accommodate a life without ingesting Adderall takes time, and there is no definitive timeline for this unfortunately. In all actuality, it never ends, your brain constantly changes itself based on your life experiences. You hinted towards this by saying 'They become more active and productive few months later because they were forced to function without adderall. Those tasks eventually become a habit. This is a result of training the brain, not really relief from withdrawal symptom' but then came to the almost assuredly incorrect conclusion that your brain is back to baseline because you're a month free. Adderall's half-life is ~11 hours, so it exited your system within the first day of quitting, but the changes it made over the course of you and I taking it remain. 

What I'm getting at is you shouldn't have this fixed view of "Well, I guess I'm healed as much as I'm gonna be, so that's that", because 1 month off is nothing. Your brain still has a long way to go to return to its baseline. And no, I'm not romanticizing your baseline as something that it's not, I even wrote a post about that topic (below). Keep going and don't give in. From what it sounds like, your addiction is beckoning to you to go back on Adderall. It will try convince you you're nothing without it, it will try convince you you're as good as you're gonna get, it will try to convince you you'll return to superhuman levels of cognition and energy if you just take it again.. all of which, is bullshit. 

 

[sobrietysucks]

On 2/5/2017 at 11:02 AM, duffman said:

 

 

Thank you. Your post gives me hope. 

[Frank B]

On 2/3/2017 at 8:47 PM, sobrietysucks said:

I've been browsing through the forums and noticed those that have been adderall free for 2,3 and even 4 yrs still experience lack of motivation.

 

That is because they go back to being their pre adderall self. I remember I had very little motivation and was depressed before I took the pill. You will never truly be magically 'motivated' as your adderall self.

This is where people make the mistake of believing they are still in withdrawal. They are back to base self and life will have ups and down.

They become more active and productive few months later because they were forced to function without adderall. Those tasks eventually become a habit. This is a result of training the brain, not really relief from withdrawal symptom. 

I'm 1 month free (used for 3 yrs) and I already feel like to base line. The way I used to be before adderall. I honestly don't think I will have much improvement in the future. 

I'd like to say your dead wrong it gets so much better. But you know what fuck you might just be right it's 14 months for me and I still work like a 90 year old man. Sure I can hit the gym etc be fine. But when it comes down to bust your ass earn a hards day pay im truely pathetic. I've done everything on here eat right, take supplements, exersize and it's still the same. Fucking sick of it people say keep going etc but no ones donating to my family to keep me going nor should they. Fact is we all need to work some harder then others and if we can't do that how can we survive? I haven't been honest on here for awhile try to stay positive for people trying to quit but know what I don't have much to be positive about and no one has a fucking solution besides keep sticking it out 2, 3 , 5 years when does it end ?!?!! I really don't know what to do my mindset at this point if I go back on addy die of a stroke and can give my kids life insurance money they will be better then having me not making money at all because I can't get my act together being a dead beat motherfucker. Something has to change soon I'm at a breaking point with this "recovry" bs fucking heroin addicts recover in less time. Just look at all the other substance abusers when they quit get their life's back then look at us we quit year later we'll I still can't really work hard , I hate work, everyday fucking sucks but I'm sober. This is my rant maybe tomorrow will be a better day but sick of keeping all these feelings bottled up. 

[duffman]

21 hours ago, Frank B said:

I'd like to say your dead wrong it gets so much better. But you know what fuck you might just be right it's 14 months for me and I still work like a 90 year old man. Sure I can hit the gym etc be fine. But when it comes down to bust your ass earn a hards day pay im truely pathetic. I've done everything on here eat right, take supplements, exersize and it's still the same. Fucking sick of it people say keep going etc but no ones donating to my family to keep me going nor should they. Fact is we all need to work some harder then others and if we can't do that how can we survive? I haven't been honest on here for awhile try to stay positive for people trying to quit but know what I don't have much to be positive about and no one has a fucking solution besides keep sticking it out 2, 3 , 5 years when does it end ?!?!! I really don't know what to do my mindset at this point if I go back on addy die of a stroke and can give my kids life insurance money they will be better then having me not making money at all because I can't get my act together being a dead beat motherfucker. Something has to change soon I'm at a breaking point with this "recovry" bs fucking heroin addicts recover in less time. Just look at all the other substance abusers when they quit get their life's back then look at us we quit year later we'll I still can't really work hard , I hate work, everyday fucking sucks but I'm sober. This is my rant maybe tomorrow will be a better day but sick of keeping all these feelings bottled up. 

Hey Frank!

I really appreciate you writing this because I too think there tends to be an excessive amount of "It will get better" and "stay positive!"s going around on many posts. This in itself isn't really a bad thing however it tends to make people who need to let their frustrations out and to expose their pain and suffering have a more difficult time having a voice in the conversation. No one wants to seem like a downer in all this, but in reality we all feel like you do in this post at times. We all want each other to succeed in this shit-venture, and to do that, we need space to voice both the positives AND negatives of our experience. I know I'm guilty of this at times. I log on with the intent of expressing my frustrations in order to deliver a message of 'Yeah, you're not alone in your suffering', only to see a lot of positivity and I don't want to be the cause of bringing people down when they're already going through so much shit. So again Frank, thank you.

You and I are in a unique position (or at least I think we are), because we quit multiple medications at once. I quit antidepressants, benzodiazepines, amphetamines (Adderall), and phenibut all within the past 2 years. I have no doubt Adderall has been a major contributor (likely the biggest contributor), however I can't say how much the other medications are contributing in all this. For example, I still can't sleep and it's driving me insane. I've tried EVERYTHING and nothing works. I still feel like I could pass out mid morning -> late afternoon, yet am annoyingly awake at 11PM. Last night, I took a small dose of leftover benzo in order to fall asleep. I relapsed on benzos, and I can't say I regret it because I felt pretty good today. I'm pretty sure I can control this because I originally needed the benzo to help ease my Adderall crash, so I'm hoping I don't become dependent on this shit. There's a phenomenon called "PAWS", standing for Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. This phenomenon very possibly true for Adderall, but is most definitely and verifiably true with opioids (pain meds). Keep in mind you might be experiencing PAWS from your pain medication use. The shitty thing about PAWS is it can last several years (~2 years, but I've read stories where it has lasted for 5!). I'm not sure if that's an encouraging thing to hear, but it may provide insight as to why you're feeling the way you are feeling. 

[quit-once]

PAWS is very real in Adderall recovery.  It has been written about many, many times since I have been around here.  For me, PAWS gradually morphed into brief bouts of depression that can come back a few times per year, always without warning.  that's just life.  PAWS was just like early Adderall recovery came back and then it would leave.  Again, the non-linear concept of recovery comes back to bite you.   I don't know what else to say other than relapsing is simply not an option for any of us who have successfully quit.  I mean...we have exhausted all of the benefits that Adderall could ever offer and then it turned on us like a traitor.   I feel like I have a normal life with a future to look forward to while not being addicted to that awful drug. 

Speed has always been my drug of choice, and I had to give it up because I became addicted and it controlled my life.  I don't miss it and am glad to be done with the allure of getting high just to get shit done. 

I hate to put things in terms or "either - or" or "black and white" but maybe that is what becoming addicted does to the brain.  I really believe that the choice is that stark when it comes to addiction...either you stay the course of quitting, no matter how bad it sucks, or you go back on the drug to a deeper level of your addiction with even worse consequences and side effects than you suffered when you decided to quit. 

 

[LILTEX41]

35 minutes ago, quit-once said:

PAWS is very real in Adderall recovery.  It has been written about many, many times since I have been around here.  For me, PAWS gradually morphed into brief bouts of depression that can come back a few times per year, always without warning.  that's just life.  PAWS was just like early Adderall recovery came back and then it would leave.  Again, the non-linear concept of recovery comes back to bite you.   I don't know what else to say other than relapsing is simply not an option for any of us who have successfully quit.  I mean...we have exhausted all of the benefits that Adderall could ever offer and then it turned on us like a traitor.   I feel like I have a normal life with a future to look forward to while not being addicted to that awful drug. 

Speed has always been my drug of choice, and I had to give it up because I became addicted and it controlled my life.  I don't miss it and am glad to be done with the allure of getting high just to get shit done. 

I hate to put things in terms or "either - or" or "black and white" but maybe that is what becoming addicted does to the brain.  I really believe that the choice is that stark when it comes to addiction...either you stay the course of quitting, no matter how bad it sucks, or you go back on the drug to a deeper level of your addiction with even worse consequences and side effects than you suffered when you decided to quit. 

 

Can I quadruple like this post, please?!  

[hyper_critical]

"Can I quadruple like this post, please?!" -----> Word.

Certainly hasn't been all sunshines and rainbows for me. This was one of the most important moments of my life. I got incredible love and feedback from the people on here:

 

[Frank B]

 Thanks for the positive feedback even when my message is not so positive. I should probably hit up a NA meeting its been awhile they always make me feel better after going. Just want to be a hard worker provide for my kids like I use too. Now Im budgeting everything never had to live like this I never was a big spender but always had money saved for when they needed something. Now I'm living in debt and instead of getting motivated to work harder I still slack a lot big time. I'm sure that my motivation is improving but I want more and just so tired of waiting for my brain to kick back into gear. The only thing that gives me hope is I know that Im not back to my normal self this was not me pre-addy I started my own business without adderall I had a strong drive but of course found addy and I took off with unlimited stamina and will power. But of course that came to a end plus being a Oxycontin addict didn't help. I know if I go back to adderall Im giving up on life itself hints why referenced dying of a heart attack because Id rather die vs being a adderall junkie again. On a positive note I found a new supplement that seems to be helping my depression some. Its a little to early to know if its actually making a difference or its a placebo effect. If I keep improving on it I'll post about it in the supplement section.

[Frank B]

17 hours ago, duffman said:

Hey Frank!

I really appreciate you writing this because I too think there tends to be an excessive amount of "It will get better" and "stay positive!"s going around on many posts. This in itself isn't really a bad thing however it tends to make people who need to let their frustrations out and to expose their pain and suffering have a more difficult time having a voice in the conversation. No one wants to seem like a downer in all this, but in reality we all feel like you do in this post at times. We all want each other to succeed in this shit-venture, and to do that, we need space to voice both the positives AND negatives of our experience. I know I'm guilty of this at times. I log on with the intent of expressing my frustrations in order to deliver a message of 'Yeah, you're not alone in your suffering', only to see a lot of positivity and I don't want to be the cause of bringing people down when they're already going through so much shit. So again Frank, thank you.

You and I are in a unique position (or at least I think we are), because we quit multiple medications at once. I quit antidepressants, benzodiazepines, amphetamines (Adderall), and phenibut all within the past 2 years. I have no doubt Adderall has been a major contributor (likely the biggest contributor), however I can't say how much the other medications are contributing in all this. For example, I still can't sleep and it's driving me insane. I've tried EVERYTHING and nothing works. I still feel like I could pass out mid morning -> late afternoon, yet am annoyingly awake at 11PM. Last night, I took a small dose of leftover benzo in order to fall asleep. I relapsed on benzos, and I can't say I regret it because I felt pretty good today. I'm pretty sure I can control this because I originally needed the benzo to help ease my Adderall crash, so I'm hoping I don't become dependent on this shit. There's a phenomenon called "PAWS", standing for Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. This phenomenon very possibly true for Adderall, but is most definitely and verifiably true with opioids (pain meds). Keep in mind you might be experiencing PAWS from your pain medication use. The shitty thing about PAWS is it can last several years (~2 years, but I've read stories where it has lasted for 5!). I'm not sure if that's an encouraging thing to hear, but it may provide insight as to why you're feeling the way you are feeling. 

I understand the sleep issue its like all day I want to sleep then bed time its hey whats on my DVR? I normally take something to help sleep every night. I use Melatonin, Z-Quil and benadryl find if I rotate them I get the best results. One of the meds I also quit that was hard was xanax that really use to knock me out after indulging on addy but that shit changes your brain chemistry started having massive anxiety if I skipped a day. One day I just freaked out while driving I had to pull over in a parking lot and just sit for a hour to calm down knew that day it was time to quit xanax. I never experienced that besides the time I was subscribed Zoloft it was pretty similar why I don't trust any SSRI's although my doctor says I should try them again even though I had a complete mental breakdown on them nearly submitted myself to the ER.   I still have cravings for pain pills but dont feel that addiction holds a candle to the long term after effects of adderall. It feels good to let loose on here although hope my words do not persuade anyone to give up its worth the fight give it all you can its just a long battle that sometimes seems never ending. 

[bluemoon]

Oh man. I wish I had something positive to say but I'm feeling pretty much the same as Frank right now. So tired. So unmotivated. So depressed. Some days I really do feel like giving up.

[LILTEX41]

Ok, my turn.  I have been trying to refrain myself from speaking because this post dug into my heart somewhat.  I keep getting updates sent to my email and I feel I'm ready to comment so here goes.

Addiction to adderall is one intense mother fucker, ok?  It's NOT easy to kick this habit and for anyone that does, you are a walking miracle and ray of hope for those out there still afflicted.  But like quit once said, you have two options:

1) Go back to being enslaved to some piece of shit pill that will annihilate you slowly over the long haul and continue being it's bitch.

OR

2) Go through your temporary hell on earth of however many years it takes to recover and live the rest of your life unaddicted and no longer with this problem.

IF you feel the need to bitch, moan, and scream about how much life sucks without it, please by all means...get it out.  You have all the right in the world to talk about how much it sucks and this life just isn't fair anymore without it.  However, what I can tell you is that you are making yourself miserable.  There is a mountain in front of you and all you do is stare at it and say, "Look at this mountain. It's so big.  What a piece of shit mountain.  I hate this mountain."  When what you could be saying is "How the fuck am I going to get up this mountain?  Where are the paths?  Is there a plane?  What can I say to make this situation better rather than repeating these negative toxic thoughts that keep reminding me of how awful I feel without this piece of shit drug adderall?"  Hmmm.....maybe I could try some positive thinking techniques and proactively tell myself things like, "Life is good, I got this, everything will work out, I don't need that fucking drug to be awesome, I will prove it to myself that I can beat this shit if it kills me, this won't defeat me,  I don't need that shit, I am a fully well functional human being that was capable of handling life before this drug and I will once again master my old way of living, etc."  You keep telling yourself how you WANT to feel and be and eventually you will catch up.  You have to be mentally strong and stop having being mentally weak.  I know it blows, it sucks, and life is hard.  But guess what?  You CAN HANDLE IT.  YOU CAN DO THIS.  Keep reminding ourself this is for the best interest in the LONG TERM of your life. SHORT TERM is tough, but it will get better.

HAPPY RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINES OUT MY ASS ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE!!!! XOXOXOXO  

 

[Frank B]

Just because one complains to fellow addicts about the struggles does not mean we sit around all day in misery complaining about this invisible mountain and that it's so hard to conquer.  Reality is we have no idea how big the mountain is if I could see the peak would make this so much better knowing how long of journey it might be. I know it's not productive to complain but sometimes feels good to let it go. I'm not a counselor not a sponsor just a guy who is having a hard time getting his life back in order and doing everything to live a healthy and productive life but still just not working to my expectations yet. 

[sobrietysucks]

On 2/8/2017 at 8:39 PM, duffman said:

Hey Frank!

I really appreciate you writing this because I too think there tends to be an excessive amount of "It will get better" and "stay positive!"s going around on many posts. This in itself isn't really a bad thing however it tends to make people who need to let their frustrations out and to expose their pain and suffering have a more difficult time having a voice in the conversation. No one wants to seem like a downer in all this, but in reality we all feel like you do in this post at times. We all want each other to succeed in this shit-venture, and to do that, we need space to voice both the positives AND negatives of our experience. I know I'm guilty of this at times. I log on with the intent of expressing my frustrations in order to deliver a message of 'Yeah, you're not alone in your suffering', only to see a lot of positivity and I don't want to be the cause of bringing people down when they're already going through so much shit. So again Frank, thank you.

You and I are in a unique position (or at least I think we are), because we quit multiple medications at once. I quit antidepressants, benzodiazepines, amphetamines (Adderall), and phenibut all within the past 2 years. I have no doubt Adderall has been a major contributor (likely the biggest contributor), however I can't say how much the other medications are contributing in all this. For example, I still can't sleep and it's driving me insane. I've tried EVERYTHING and nothing works. I still feel like I could pass out mid morning -> late afternoon, yet am annoyingly awake at 11PM. Last night, I took a small dose of leftover benzo in order to fall asleep. I relapsed on benzos, and I can't say I regret it because I felt pretty good today. I'm pretty sure I can control this because I originally needed the benzo to help ease my Adderall crash, so I'm hoping I don't become dependent on this shit. There's a phenomenon called "PAWS", standing for Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. This phenomenon very possibly true for Adderall, but is most definitely and verifiably true with opioids (pain meds). Keep in mind you might be experiencing PAWS from your pain medication use. The shitty thing about PAWS is it can last several years (~2 years, but I've read stories where it has lasted for 5!). I'm not sure if that's an encouraging thing to hear, but it may provide insight as to why you're feeling the way you are feeling. 

Nothing wrong with using benzodiazepines.

I'm only a month free from Adderall. I promised to myself to never go back to it. Now i use other prescribed drugs such as (lyrica, benzos,etc)  and supplements (caffeine).

anything other than addy is good in my opinion. Do Whatever gets you through the day without going back to it.

 

[LILTEX41]

On 2/12/2017 at 0:59 PM, Frank B said:

Just because one complains to fellow addicts about the struggles does not mean we sit around all day in misery complaining about this invisible mountain and that it's so hard to conquer.  Reality is we have no idea how big the mountain is if I could see the peak would make this so much better knowing how long of journey it might be. I know it's not productive to complain but sometimes feels good to let it go. I'm not a counselor not a sponsor just a guy who is having a hard time getting his life back in order and doing everything to live a healthy and productive life but still just not working to my expectations yet. 

I'm sorry Frank.  I have been under immense stress and a recent breakup. I snapped in my post the other day and just went off.  I know you're trying.  You're doing well. I just flipped out when i read this post and everyone was complaining about how much life sucks without adderall. It triggered the shit out of me and I started thinking positively about the drug again.  I fucking snapped today and tried to order it online.  I didn't even think that was possible and I'm sure it was a scam. I cancelled it 5 mins later and freaked out.  I have been clean for 6 years and 3 months. I NEVER thought I would get this close to a relapse.  I should probably stay away from this site, but sometimes I come just to read the stories of everyone addicted and destroyed by it as it reminds me why I do NOT want to go back to it.  I hate to hear that people are miserable in recovery.  It makes me lose faith.  But I know damn well the answer is not in that pill.  Anyhow, hope you understand.  Vent away.

[bluemoon]

For me, this is not just a mental thing.. I am physically not well. The fatigue is indescribable. I am still going to bed at 8pm every night, not because I want to, but I honestly cannot keep my damn eyes open any longer. My whole body hurts.. my muscles ache constantly. In my opinion, this kind of depression isn't something you can just overcome by positive thinking. I wish it were that simple! I'm hoping what I'm going through is just something to do with the extreme winter weather I have been experiencing. I did begin to feel better a few months ago, but now I honestly feel as if I just quit yesterday. It is THAT bad. I did cut out caffeine 4 days ago, as my consumption got to be a little out of hand (I am just so fucking tired!)... hoping to see some positive changes from cutting out caffeine. I don't know what to do anymore. I am beginning to feel like this is going to be a lifelong battle. 

Sorry you're going through a hard time Erin. Break ups are never fun. Isn't it crazy how when things go wrong, we think of Adderall as a possible solution to it all? Even after all the pain and suffering it caused us, and even after 6 years clean for you. It just goes to show what a strong and messed up hold this drug can have on a person. 

[LILTEX41]

Bluemoon,

I quit caffeine once and it was the worst I've ever felt. I had an awful headache for days and felt absolutely lethargic.  I definitely think that's what's going on with you, but of course I'm no expert.  Again, I am sorry for blowing up at all of you.  It came out sideways and I don't mean to minimize your struggles. I just needed to unload and unfortunately, you all get the brunt of it.  I hope you feel better soon.

Yes, breakups can suck the life out of you, but I do know I'll get over it and be okay down the road. I was just so stressed out because I had 3 quizzes, 2 homework assignments and an exam within a 3 day period and freaked out.  I didn't know how I was going to accomplish all this work on top of my job and everything else. For a split second I had this epiphany of going back on that drug and just saying, fuck it.  But luckily, I snapped out of it quickly and thought it through.  I'm thankful it's hard to come get your hands on.  Thank GOD for that.

[bluemoon]

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate!! I hope things settle down for you soon. Life can get crazy at times and it's a lot to handle. Kudos to you for going back to school. I have contemplated going back, but I think the stress of a big work load and busy schedule/exams would be way too big of a trigger for me.

Anyway, I have been feeling super shitty for a while, way before I cut out the caffeine. Was thinking maybe my excessive caffeine intake wasn't helping my situation. Trying to see if I feel any better without downing a massive amount of coffee every day. I know I'm just depressed but I'm not sure how to get out of this funk. And I refuse to go the antidepressant route.

But yes, I'm definitely thankful Adderall is a pain in the ass to get your hands on, and I'm glad l I told my doctor to never prescribe it to me again, otherwise I probably would have relapsed many times by now haha. 

[Frank B]

15 hours ago, bluemoon said:

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate!! I hope things settle down for you soon. Life can get crazy at times and it's a lot to handle. Kudos to you for going back to school. I have contemplated going back, but I think the stress of a big work load and busy schedule/exams would be way too big of a trigger for me.

Anyway, I have been feeling super shitty for a while, way before I cut out the caffeine. Was thinking maybe my excessive caffeine intake wasn't helping my situation. Trying to see if I feel any better without downing a massive amount of coffee every day. I know I'm just depressed but I'm not sure how to get out of this funk. And I refuse to go the antidepressant route.

But yes, I'm definitely thankful Adderall is a pain in the ass to get your hands on, and I'm glad l I told my doctor to never prescribe it to me again, otherwise I probably would have relapsed many times by now haha. 

For me the depression has been too much to bare on my own. Most days I've often considered suicide as a easy answer. I feel like my productive life is over and going back to adderal is not a solution. But all the supplements , prayer, dieting and exercise has not helped my gloom outlook. So I did research on my own and picked out a depression pill I feel has the least negative side effects for me. I went to my doctor and asked to be put on wellbutrin xl and now I'm on it. Its sort of twisted how we get meds no longer can you expect a doctor to research you pretty much decide for yourself.  But I knew going to the doctors with no suggestions the first recommendation would be a ssri which I had terrible side effects maybe it works for some but just not me and has risky side effects. I sort of feel I'm giving up in some ways taking a mood altering prescription again but my suicidal thoughts were a big red flag I must try something. Been on it now a couple days moods a bit better energy up a small amount. I have not had any negative side effects so far. Maybe I'll need to be on this for a year or more maybe the rest of my life not sure but I had to try something. 

[hyper_critical]

Frank - I've seen Wellbutrin help other in early recovery. Good luck. 

[LILTEX41]

16 hours ago, bluemoon said:

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate!! I hope things settle down for you soon. Life can get crazy at times and it's a lot to handle. Kudos to you for going back to school. I have contemplated going back, but I think the stress of a big work load and busy schedule/exams would be way too big of a trigger for me.

Anyway, I have been feeling super shitty for a while, way before I cut out the caffeine. Was thinking maybe my excessive caffeine intake wasn't helping my situation. Trying to see if I feel any better without downing a massive amount of coffee every day. I know I'm just depressed but I'm not sure how to get out of this funk. And I refuse to go the antidepressant route.

But yes, I'm definitely thankful Adderall is a pain in the ass to get your hands on, and I'm glad l I told my doctor to never prescribe it to me again, otherwise I probably would have relapsed many times by now haha. 

I just quit school today.  It was too much.  I am so thankful.  Recovery comes first.  

Hope you feel better soon.  I wish I had answers for everyone, but I don't.  I booked an appointment with a therapist today.  I think this is a critical step I missed and I'm hoping to see good results.  Will let everyone know how it goes.

 

 

 

[Yogichris]

10 hours ago, Frank B said:

For me the depression has been too much to bare on my own. Most days I've often considered suicide as a easy answer. I feel like my productive life is over and going back to adderal is not a solution. But all the supplements , prayer, dieting and exercise has not helped my gloom outlook. So I did research on my own and picked out a depression pill I feel has the least negative side effects for me. I went to my doctor and asked to be put on wellbutrin xl and now I'm on it. Its sort of twisted how we get meds no longer can you expect a doctor to research you pretty much decide for yourself.  But I knew going to the doctors with no suggestions the first recommendation would be a ssri which I had terrible side effects maybe it works for some but just not me and has risky side effects. I sort of feel I'm giving up in some ways taking a mood altering prescription again but my suicidal thoughts were a big red flag I must try something. Been on it now a couple days moods a bit better energy up a small amount. I have not had any negative side effects so far. Maybe I'll need to be on this for a year or more maybe the rest of my life not sure but I had to try something. 

I wasn't going to chime in but had to. If you all recall, I wasn't on adderall, my ex is. Still tough going through the breakup....

I wanted to share, from someone not on adderall and dealing with quitting, relapsing, thoughts of wanting to get back on, etc, I can't imagine what you're all dealing with. I can say, I experience a lot of what you're all sharing....I've struggled with depression for about 5 years now, anxiety, panic attacks (was even put on short term disability). I experience a lack of motivation at work and feel lost, not sure what I'm doing with my life at times, even had thoughts of what's the point of living. My point is, my situation is different than all of yours, my father shot my mother when I was 5, I was in and out of foster care, then adopted, now my adoptive family doesn't talk to me, there's more to the story, but....What I'm trying to share I guess is life is tough and can be tougher for some. I've been on Wellbutrin, for about a year now, and I think it's helped. I don't plan on staying on it for a lengthy amount of time. But Frank, it's definitely not addicting the way pain pills or adderall can be. I've tried adderall to see how it felt, never started using it a lot, but I can see how it's addicting. I've had addiction issues in the past with a substance, but Wellbutrin is definitely not something to worry about getting addicted to (in my opinion). Think of it as a cast. If you break your arm, you need a cast for a bit for the bones to heal. You just need to heal a bit from using adderall and pain meds, so this is like a temporary cast for your brain and health.

And to everyone else, sorry for the long message, but depression, lack of motivation, anxiety, it all sucks. Not sure if you find any comfort in my post sharing that I never used adderall like you did but still experience a lot of what you do after quitting. The biggest help has been staying healthy, mind, body, spirit, hanging out with healthy friends, sharing my story, yoga, reading books about health, spirituality, self help, listening to podcasts, and really taking the pressure of yourself to be someone you think you should be. To enjoy the small things, seeing the sun, cooking, appreciating nature, talking to a stranger at the grocery store, enjoying your loved ones...I wish you all the best in your continued journey. Life is up and down and I swear when you feel down everything seems to not go your way. I know I feel that way. But, I guess this is a roller coaster too, this journey we call life. And your journey of quitting. I wish you the best and send my love. Thanks for letting me have a voice on here when sometimes I feel bad chiming in. This community is damn amazing. 

[Frank B]

YogiChris thanks for your post means a lot at a loss for words about your childhood just horrible. I have a neighbor with a grandson who comes over from time to time good kid. He was dealt that same hand a couple years ago just horrible.

 

[bluemoon]

Keep us updated Frank. I hope the Wellbutrin helps. May be something I want to try also.

[Frank B]

5 hours ago, bluemoon said:

Keep us updated Frank. I hope the Wellbutrin helps. May be something I want to try also.

Well I think overall if you can make it without its for the better. I honestly do not beleive its going to solve all my problems but just help in a small way getting out of the deep depression.