Medical Anxiety/Chest Pain after a Year Clean

[Cheeri0]

Hey everyone. I'm coming up on a year clean and still really paranoid about the stress I put my body through during addiction. I had a really bad virus/cold a few weeks ago, and now (three weeks later), I'm still experiencing INTENSE chest pain every time I breath even semi-deep. Even though I'm only 25, I was a chain smoker on Adderall (and even for a while after I quit), and I have a lot of anxiety. What if the pain is being caused by lung cancer? Or worse, heart damage?

I made an appointment with my GP for tomorrow, and I'm struggling with how to handle it. She was the one who prescribed me the adderall for 7 years, and I never told her about my abuse. I just ghosted her and haven't seen her since I quit. So, I know I have to come clean to her about the addiction/abuse. That's going to happen no matter what. She'll likely feel personally betrayed because we (used to) have a close relationship, but if I'm going to continue to see her for medical advice she needs to know. That being said, I have a few options for how to handle the rest of tomorrow's appointment:

1) I could tell her that I'm experiencing the chest pain, leave it at that, and see what her medical opinion is for how to proceed.

OR, 2) I can tell her that I spend way too much time worrying about my health because of my drug abuse. That the anxiety is messing with my every day life. That to quell my worries, I want an EKG and a chest x-ray.

I just can't stand being this paranoid about my health. Is asking her for these things just indulging irrational fears that I should try to calm on my own without the help of physicians? Or is it worth it to push for the tests that will put my mind at ease?

Could really use some advice. Thanks everyone.

Edit: I have great insurance, so cost isn't really an issue here. I just don't want to be ridiculous and was wondering if anyone had any experience with this.

[Lizzie]

Why not tell her both? It's refreshing finally being able to be honest with doctors now that I'm clean and not hiding anything. Also, I feel like doctors need to know what this medication can do to people. Mine was shocked when I told her about the manic episodes and anxiety.  Previously, I just said whatever I had to for her to write the rx. 

[Frank B]

Wow u actually feel guilty or ashamed about telling a doctor who gave amphetamines you got addicted and abused them? Shame on you how could that happen lmao. She should feel ashamed given that crap to anyone it's been proven to signal more brain stimulation vs cocaine how the fuck does one not abuse it! 

[Cheeri0]

Yea, sorry for the anxiety spiral everyone. I made that post after spending a lot of anxious time in my own head. Feeling a lot more calm now.

[duffman]

You know, I can't find it now, but I once made a post on here about all the potential health problems I thought I accrued throughout my years of abuse. Thinking about it now makes me cringe because of how outlandish my worries were. I remember I thought I had some combination of Cushing's syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, adrenal fatigue, a vast array of heart conditions.. just a bunch of stuff and all the product of years of Adderall abuse. And I've seen this before from other users on this forum too. We tend to become obsessive about every little health-related thing and begin searching for anecdotes on the internet to support our theory that our health is in peril. In reality, it was my anxiety on overdrive. I went to multiple doctors to discuss my worries and they all gave me the same wide-eyed expression and would promptly begin talking to me about my mental health, sometimes offering an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication. What I'm getting at is you're not alone with this anxiety about your health after Adderall abuse. And no, I'm not saying you SHOULDN'T go to a physician, I'm not qualified to judge that over the internet. But if they run tests and you come back normal and they don't seem alarmed, then I would trust their judgment. Tell your physician everything. They've heard it all and would relieved that you're being forthright with them so they can help you. 

[Cheeri0]

Thanks for the reply Duffman! Yeah, I've struggled with hypochondria/anxiety/ocd tendencies my whole life, it's really just a part of my personality that adderall exacerbated exponentially. I've seen a lot of improvement this past year but I still have a ways to go in terms of completely normalizing that part of myself. I think all of us here tend to have very "particular" personality types that likely lended themselves well to the allure of perfectionism that adderall initially promised. 

I went to the doctor yesterday and just flat out told her my physical symptoms, nothing about my anxiety/adderall abuse at first. She diagnosed me in 3 minutes. I have a pulled muscle in my chest (hence the pain while breathing in). No lung problems, no heart problems, just a pulled muscle. Advil should do the trick. It made me feel so silly for all the worrying I had done. But I'm just trying to be patient with myself... hopefully the anxiety will subside eventually. I really need to start looking into meditation techniques, I think that'd help me a lot.