Update (it’s good this time!)

[Speeder906]

I think this may be the first time I’ve been on here not going through the motions, likely the first and only time since joining that I have actual good news. 

Couple weeks ago I had enough. If anyone remembers my use pattern was binge/crash/repeat. Got so fed up with it and mid-binge made an appointment to see a therapist to come clean. I’ve tried to do this several times over the last 4 years but this time I actually did it. Adderall was discontinued and I’m working on undoing all this shit it’s done to me. 

I feel so fucking good just not worrying about when my next fill is coming through, what I’ll do with it, and at what point during my binge will I come to this site or any other recovery forums online complaining about what I’m doing. 

If anyone’s struggling with “controlling” your use. If you’ve tried over and over again and are getting to very high doses (for me it was 250-350mg in a day); don’t keep lying to yourself. End it now. Tell someone. Get help. It’s a weight off my shoulders tbh. 

Im still struggling to write coherently so apologies if this is kinda rambling of a post. Every day gets better! Not sure why I wanted to post this, I was just in one of those moods of gratitude I guess.

Not too much activity here lately but figured I’d share anyway  take care everyone! 

[SleepyStupid]

this is great news!!!! congrats on taking that first step and coming clean. it's immensely difficult to do. (:

if i recall correctly, you're in school right? are you on summer break? any plans for the next semester or looking for a job? the next few months are going to be rough, so you should start strategizing as soon as possible.

[Speeder906]

@sleepystupid thank you! It was definitely the hardest thing to do, scary as hell, but happy I did it. 

As for a job, I’ve been working along with going to school already, but I did actually just start working at a new place doing the stuff I’ve been in school for. So far without adderall its been good. 

I am still in school yes, I am actually doing summer quarter right now but weirdly not behind. There was only one time I was behind and that was the last time I had adderall. Idk, I feel like it just came full circle. I started it to focus in school, now I can’t focus for school when I had it, so it was (among many other reasons) time to let go. 

But you’re right, I should definitely be thinking ahead. Any suggestions on how to approach that aspect?