Lack of motivation and general disinterest without Adderall coming back

[Brit]

Hi everyone, this has been quite the journey; it’s been 21 days since my last pill, and every day is different. Somedays I feel almost normal; others I feel extreme fog and depression. 
 

What’s keeping me up tonight is worrying about my general lack of motivation, excitement, and interest in life. It’s bringing back memories of how I felt before I took Adderall 10 years ago and how I felt 4 years ago when I wasn’t on it for about a year and a half to two years.

When I started Adderall each time, I felt like it was a missing piece in my life, and I had a new desire to live and experience life like never before. 
 

I feel now, and at those times, like I am a shell of a person. It concerns me because I don’t want to be on Adderall (after a while many of those nice benefits disappear, but at least it still gave me motivation), but I also don’t want to feel this way for the rest of my life and I’m worried I could relapse on this fear alone. I found myself binge eating last night as a coping mechanism (a reoccurring issue I’ve had throughout my life).
 

Would love to hear if anyone has similar experiences for using Adderall and your advice for overcoming this without taking the drug. At the age of 33, my entire adult I had a crutch to overcome this, it’s daunting to face the rest of my life without it! 
 

Thanks for reading <3

[DrewK15]

On 4/20/2020 at 3:26 AM, Brit said:

....general lack of motivation, excitement, and interest in life....

When I started Adderall each time, I felt like it was a missing piece in my life, and I had a new desire to live and experience life like never before. 

These two statements are a great summary of how I felt when I started and quit Adderall. I know exactly how it feels. As much as it sucks to hear, patience and endurance are the name of the game when it comes to quitting Adderall. You're off to a really good start! It's an up and down journey. Do what you can to take care of your body, and over time you'll bounce back physically. Don't overthink it. 20-30 minutes of exercise 4-5x/week, 7-9 hours of sleep per night, eat well (try to experiment with cutting out sugar, dairy and/or gluten. I do ok with gluten, but low sugar and dairy helps my brain fog). What's harder is winning the battle in your mind, this next part may or not make sense so bear with me....  

One of the most critical things you need to figure out when quitting Adderall is how to deal with the mundanity of life. Life is often slow, boring, and void of excitement from moment to moment. That doesn't mean we never experience things that are exciting, pleasurable, and entertaining; it simply means our expectation of how often we should experience them may be unrealistic. My childhood through college years were exciting. I had a life of competitive sports, friends, the next grade to earn or school to get into, nothing but entertainment in my free time (Halo and Call of Duty), I partied, etc. Then real life hit me in the face. I had to sit in an office for 8+ hours/day, pay bills, I didn't play sports anymore, basically I had to grow up. I still did things that I enjoyed when I had time, but far more of my life was eaten up by a black hole of boring mundanity. I became depressed. I started to lose motivation, excitement, and interest in life. Then Adderall came along and made more mundane life, feel like my old exciting life. Think about it, we (as a culture) put our kids in front of the Avengers and Fortnite for 5-7 hours a day and then expect them to sit still and learn geometry. Enter Adderall. We cure our thirst for overstimulation by overstimulating ourselves through the boring parts of life. That's what Adderall dependance and addiction is often all about.  

I'll have 2 years clean in a couple weeks and my life has never been better. My relationships are deeper, I'm starting an amazing new job in a couple weeks. I've learned to accept the hard, boring things in life and embrace the good times when they come. I even get excited every once in a while. Slow down, turn off the TV, go for a walk, read a book. There are many good things in life to discover that aren't necessarily exciting. Stay on the path, you can do it!

[LuLamb]

5 hours ago, DrewK15 said:

These two statements are a great summary of how I felt when I started and quit Adderall. I know exactly how it feels. As much as it sucks to hear, patience and endurance are the name of the game when it comes to quitting Adderall. You're off to a really good start! It's an up and down journey. Do what you can to take care of your body, and over time you'll bounce back physically. Don't overthink it. 20-30 minutes of exercise 4-5x/week, 7-9 hours of sleep per night, eat well (try to experiment with cutting out sugar, dairy and/or gluten. I do ok with gluten, but low sugar and dairy helps my brain fog). What's harder is winning the battle in your mind, this next part may or not make sense so bear with me....  

One of the most critical things you need to figure out when quitting Adderall is how to deal with the mundanity of life. Life is often slow, boring, and void of excitement from moment to moment. That doesn't mean we never experience things that are exciting, pleasurable, and entertaining; it simply means our expectation of how often we should experience them may be unrealistic. My childhood through college years were exciting. I had a life of competitive sports, friends, the next grade to earn or school to get into, nothing but entertainment in my free time (Halo and Call of Duty), I partied, etc. Then real life hit me in the face. I had to sit in an office for 8+ hours/day, pay bills, I didn't play sports anymore, basically I had to grow up. I still did things that I enjoyed when I had time, but far more of my life was eaten up by a black hole of boring mundanity. I became depressed. I started to lose motivation, excitement, and interest in life. Then Adderall came along and made more mundane life, feel like my old exciting life. Think about it, we (as a culture) put our kids in front of the Avengers and Fortnite for 5-7 hours a day and then expect them to sit still and learn geometry. Enter Adderall. We cure our thirst for overstimulation by overstimulating ourselves through the boring parts of life. That's what Adderall dependance and addiction is often all about.  

I'll have 2 years clean in a couple weeks and my life has never been better. My relationships are deeper, I'm starting an amazing new job in a couple weeks. I've learned to accept the hard, boring things in life and embrace the good times when they come. I even get excited every once in a while. Slow down, turn off the TV, go for a walk, read a book. There are many good things in life to discover that aren't necessarily exciting. Stay on the path, you can do it!

BEAUTIFUL

[Brit]

@DrewK15 - thanks so much for taking the time to write all of that out. When I first read it, I was kind of in denial and then the more I thought about, the more it made sense. Life IS boring, and Adderall gave me the sense that life moved so much quicker since I got so much done after I took it. Yesterday the weather was beautiful, so I took advantage and took THREE long walks and really enjoyed it, plus I felt so much better and focused after. Today, the weather is crappy out so I haven't done that and I feel pretty gross, moody and lethargic again.  Definitely great advice overall, thanks again!