Brit

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About Brit

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    Female
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    Colorado

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  1. You have the will and desire to quit, I know you can do this! In fact, you did do it not that long ago! Don’t forget how strong you are. Reading everyone’s stories is what really helped me get through the first few months, and giving myself grace. You already know stopping is going to be horrible. You might not feel like the best mom some days, but keep remembering that you are doing this so that you can be a healthier and happier you, and that’s all your daughter wants at the end of the day.
  2. @dolssa So sorry to hear about your relapse! it happens, and you got this! I am on Lexapro. Started at 5mg and have been sitting at 15mg for a few months now. I truly feel like a different person. A lot of my friends are also on Lexapro, and all have great experiences on it. @speedracer - I also thought this about myself!! It was really cool to realize this isn't the case.
  3. @SleepyStupid- I had a great conversation with one my best friends this weekend on this topic; she filled me in that she struggles with forgiveness and moving on, because she feels like she is giving those who hurt her “a pass” if she does. It made me so sad to hear that because she’s been struggling for well over a couple of decades with this. That’s too long to hold on to the past when you have a whole future in front of you!
  4. I’m so happy it did!! I don’t contribute as much here lately, but I know when I was going through the worst parts seeing how much better it gets was so important to staying on track and not giving in. It’s so therapeutic to take the time and reflect and journal about it too.
  5. 365 days ago I started tapering my Adderall prescription (and lock down started in my state!) 351 days ago was my last pill (and the day I realized I had covid) In the last 365 days I’ve: - gained 40 pounds - isolated myself from all my friends - went from an overall mild depression to deep depression - started therapy - repaired family relationships - started taking anti-depressants - developed dependence on cannabis - gained a little self-confidence - took a Harvard course - promoted - lost 5 pounds - realized my self-worth and fuck I’m amazing To say this year was a roller coaster is an understatement. If you told me even 4 months ago my list would have ended this positively I would have thought you were insane. I let myself cry this morning seeing on my “NOMO” clock that I hit 365 days. I let myself truly take in all that I’ve gone through and accomplished. My new thing is focusing on “post-traumatic growth” - I will no longer let my past affect my present and my future. I got this, and so do all of you. After 10 years of Adderall use and complete dependence on it to make it through a single day, I never thought life could be this good. It’s worth pushing through the struggles, I promise.
  6. Hey guys! I’ve been in therapy for a few months now, post getting off adderall. I’ve kinda gone off the deep end through uncovering painful memories and such. Downside/upside? of feeling again! So my therapist has been recommending I consider an SSRI for a while and finally I am going to take it. Lexapro to be exact. I am really hesitant to start on another drug that has withdrawals, it scares me a lot. Anyone have experiences to share with using this drug and what I can expect? <3
  7. Happy 17th month!!! What an insane accomplishment. So encouraging to hear that the changes keep coming month over month and you’re feeling so at peace now. I definitely want and need to stay more active here too, it brings a sense of community and understanding that no one in my life can relate to. And if month 9 happens to be harder, at least I can come here to talk about it!
  8. It's been a while since I've posted an update and now feels like a good time as things have started changing again and seeing a few more stages of growth. I am heading into 8 months off of adderall and things have been good and things have been bad at the same time. I have mostly closed myself off from all human contact these last few months as I got sick of feeling so different than I did before and that nagging feeling to take a pill to feel normal grew stronger. The good: I am still feeling things! Waking up is far easier than ever before The way I think and work hasn't changed (just my speed and quickness) -- but my brain still works!! I am getting my life back... little by little (emphasis on the little) The bad: I still have depression (through Therapy discovering this has likely been lifelong) I feel purposeless and have 0 drive to take care of myself and my responsibilities, outside of my dog I literally do nothing outside of work and watch TV. Life is boring... but I also recognize it is nearly winter and a pandemic. Overall, I think my adderall usage the past 10 years was a way for me to continue living and building a life, while living, yet glossing over my depression and low self-worth. Now that this crutch is gone, it all has come crashing down and my binge eating is nearly out of control now too. Thankfully I started therapy about two months ago, and all of the things I tried to ignore or numb out, I can no longer. While this shit is so hard, I am still thankful everyday that I am still living this journey and beginning a new way of living like I never have before. A life that means something and isn't full of random tasks and activities. I've had to relearn my relationships with my friends and now my family, and I'd be lying if I said this didn't totally suck. But I am grateful for this opportunity to change and grow closer to people who mean a lot to me, rather than just always being go go go and moving on the next thing. Hope everyone is doing well!!
  9. When I first started quitting adderall I tapered off 10-15% of my normal dosage when I had to work. I eyeballed it, didn’t use a scale. On days I didn’t have to work (weekends) I went cold turkey. This was recommendation of an article I found. I felt fine doing it this way, no withdrawals that I could tell. After two weeks of 10-15% reduction, I started doing 15-20% reduction, but then came down with coronavirus and went cold turkey. From cold turkey it took about 20 days to feel semi-normal. I’m at 98 days since starting overall and 84 days since cold turkey, just still trying to figure out how to reclaim my energy and willpower. But I feel better overall
  10. This made my heart so happy! I’m so glad you met someone that made you feel this way and added bonus with helping you on recovery blues!
  11. An earlier poster got me thinking about dating and I’m curious to hear some stories from people who dated post-adderall and how different it is from dating on the meds. I was on adderall for 10 years and I’m now 67 days clean. I’m no longer an emotionless monster!! I’ve always had a hard time dating due to a number of things, but I know that adderall was definitely one of those things. I’m truly curious how different dating is going to be once I’m ready. I’m nervous to jump in because I still have some pretty bad depression days and I feel so unattractive right now as I’ve gained 20 pounds from my new-found hunger and well, quarantine. I already had an extra 15 lbs I gained from injuries over last few years. Self-acceptance is definitely something I need to work on before I dip my toe in that pond.... buttttt damn do I crave emotional connection like I never have before! I feel like I have so much more to offer now than I have in a very long time. Can’t wait to stories, advice - whatever you guys got for me! This forum truly has been crucial to my success.
  12. Legitimately stuck and overwhelmed

    @sweetupbaaby- Around the same time as where you are at I had majorrrrrrr uncontrollable rages for about a week and a half. That definitely passed and I hope it passes for you too! I notice taking my supplements daily helps a ton. I’m so sorry to hear about your boyfriend. I’m sure he’d be so proud of you for the steps you’re taking!
  13. Legitimately stuck and overwhelmed

    I relate to so much of what you’re feeling, your story left me in tears; you clearly have a passion inside you WAITING to burst out full-time! There is so much more to life than career success. As you’re feeling now, life is about relationships and connection. Listen to what you’re body is telling you and break free of this drug. You deserve it and your kids / wife deserve it too. Your work won’t necessarily fail - maybe at first - but that shall pass. Just over two months in, my passion for my work is still there, it’s just different. My mission has realigned. I find myself not being so obsessed with making the perfect decision or pleasing my bosses. My anxiety that I’m not being perfect is loosening up day by day. I’m now way more obsessed about being a good leader and doing good for my company, because they are actually a good company that deserves that effort. Music - literally just this morning at 3am I couldn’t sleep because my heart has been aching over what is going on in the world right now. I started listening to music and I started crying. It felt so different listening to it now, 67 days clean. I can’t explain it as eloquently as you did - but I so get it! Relationships - I crave relationships and connections like I never have before, like you I was convinced I was fine without strong connections and preferred to be a loner because I felt so cold and out of place more times than not. I couldn’t even be sober (alcohol + adderall) in social situations either, my anxiety was too much. It sickens me to know that I‘ve used friends in the past, I didn’t care about them as much as they cared about me. But I wanted them around so I had somewhat of a social life (Relationships never seem to work out for me) and they always had my back when I needed them. I had these tactics I would use with my friends that it made it seemed like I cared so I wasn’t feeling like a total dick. I use to put calendar reminders in my phone so I would be the first to reach out every so often and it wouldn’t seem one-sided. Now I’m reaching out close to daily without reminders bc I do actually care about them and that alone is a weight off my shoulders because I don’t feel like a monster. That drug made me cold and emotionless. I’d rather lose my amazing job than lose having feelings again. I was on the drug for 10 years. Thanks for sharing your story <3
  14. Job offer

    Congrats on this opportunity! That fraud feeling is so real! If you read through my recent posts you’ll find one where I has to give a presentation to my executive team recently, it was terrifying and very relatable to what you described. My best recommendation is to put some hard work into this interview. Know the company, job description and associated responsibilities inside and out. Have your experience and examples on how you fit this role written down - study and refine these over and over. If there’s any areas you lack a lot of experience, write that down and practice what you want to say here too. In summary, prep any and all possible answers and questions you have for this interview and keep running through it. This will give you a certain level of confidence during the interview because you’re going to be pulling this content from memory, and you can use the rest of your energy for any curve balls that come your way. I’ve done this exercise for any job interview that was important to me over the last 8 years and always received an offer. good luck!! Would love to know how it goes
  15. Maybe I haven't lost my mind

    Nice work!! Getting that “oh I’m not broken” feeling was such a huge deal for me too. I’m only a little over a month out from you (62 days) but I promise you’ll keep seeing more and more progress, little by little, especially with conversations. I had to fly home this weekend for a family issue and I was so worried since I had been quarantining by myself for the last two months. Didn’t know how I could constantly be around family and have conversations all day without adderall, felt too soon. But honestly it has been easier than when I was on meds - I’m way less anxious, don’t have the adderall crash, and I have my personality back. I haven’t been as depressed too, and last week was reallllll bad.