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About dolssa

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  1. huge step back at over a year clean

    YES my executive functioning skills were zero so i talked myself into "needing" it and to help with ADD. which is both true but i know that life with add off adderall has to be better. thank you for responding your story is giving me hope!
  2. welp

    If they told me adderall was harder to quit long term than heroin i would believe them. worst drug ever. fucking hell
  3. Eight Years

  4. huge step back at over a year clean

    welp... still havent been able to stop.. IM SO MAD AT MYSELF
  5. Coping Mechanisms

    Hi @OnSomething. I also used adderall as a coping tool for trauma, but i did not know it. it wasn't until i got clean and the fog lifted that i started to face some truths about my childhood and past that i was suppressing with adderall and the life i was living on adderall. At over a year clean i recently relapsed because of it, just trying to run again instead of face and heal. in the beginning, don't worry too much about that. first focus on quitting. take it a day at a time. the you while you are detoxing and withdrawing isn't the real you and your brain will be too busy healing to think about other stuff. (at least thats what happened to me) and then when its time you will have a clear mind and can find better coping tools to use. for me, i'm about to start my withdrawal from my temporary relapse of the last month and FINALLY admit i need a damn therapist. don't try to to do much too soon. focus on getting through the days without adderall and forgive yourself if its messy. wanting to quit is already a huge step. YOU CAN DO THIS. x
  6. I recently made a post about my recent relapse after almost a year clean. My mom noticed that i had more energy when i took the adderall and doesnt understand why i dont just keep taking it. I tried to explain that its an addiction and the good doesnt last and ill pay for it later. a few weeks ago i went home to visit her (i was still clean then) and I thought wow i feel good compared to a year ago when i first quit. we went shopping, i participated in family games, i didnt have alot of anxiety at dinners and a year ago this weekend would have been unimaginable without adderall. i just got off the phone with her and she made a comment like "you are better than when you came to visit" it broke me. non adderall users will never understand getting through the days without it. because compared to other drugs it can look normal. she also said "its been a year" theres no way you are still feeling the affects of when you took adderall. i just wish she understood that YES. im STILL dealing with the affects of my addiction of 5 years, even having taken the correct dosage. its so hard. really no one but adderall users will understand. its such a misunderstood addiction. :/
  7. huge step back at over a year clean

    Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post! @SleepyStupid and @EricP! Without this forum i defiantly think this relapse wouldn't have been so temporary. I've decided not to go forward with the adderall. thanks again
  8. 4 years clean - a recovery timeline

    ummm... YES.
  9. 4 years clean - a recovery timeline

    just read this post and want to cry. its almost my exact journey in the beginning. I just relapsed at a little over a year becasue i felt i wasnt getting better. to hear you started feeling way better at two years than one year, i am encouraged to keep going and not hate myself too much for this two week relapse i just put myself through. congrats on four years
  10. Hi guys... I quit adderall Nov 11, 2019. It was the longest year of my life. it got easier very slowly. at a year mark i was able to maintain some friendships, but i still lacked motivation and had no drive to accomplish anything. I started to feel discouraged when I hit the year mark when things didn't start getting better. I tried wellbutrin with no success. and i am ashamed to say that two weeks ago i filled an adderall script. i just turned 26 so i got a new doctor with my own insurance who didn't know that i told my other doctor to not give me adderall again. instead i asked her for some in deep despair to accomplish something at 26 years old. I really thought i couldn't live without it again after a year clean. (it hasn't been all bad, i enjoy being able to sleep and not having a racing mind) but still i got my hands on another script. it helps. i get out of bed, i have motivation, i have clarity, but deep in my brain, i know every time i pop one its a mistake. that i'll pay for it later. now two weeks taking 20mg and I'm sitting here sobbing writing this. im so mad at myself for taking this step back for temporary feelings of accomplishment. I just want to feel okay. i want to have energy without that devil little orange pill. is it possible?? i really don't know.
  11. congrats! do you mind me asking what anti depressant you started? i quit a little more than a year ago and relapsed this week because of deep depression :/
  12. Weight Gain/Body Image

    YESSSS. Adderall gave me an eating disorder. I didn't realize it, bc i never thought about food while i was in my addiction but I loved the adderall skinny body I had, and people would ALWAYS compliment my body saying whats your secret!!! if only they knew it was a diet of cold brew and adderall. I am now a year off and those first few months i gained 10 pounds and then I lost the weight, but didnt get back down to adderall skinny which would make me spiral and want to use. I did try wellburitn for a few months which also decreases appetite which i loved. but I got off that too. I just passed the year mark and its a never ending struggle of wanting to take adderal for the purpose of masking hunger. Im coming to terms that this is deeper than just being addicted to adderall and i might need to seek treatment for an ED. just wild because i had a great relationship with food pre adderall.
  13. Hi @LuLamb. Just wanted to say I am right there with you i quit Nov last year. came here bc just passed the year mark and struggling. way better than those first few months of recovery but the cravings have started again. I just wanted to reach out and say that i am feeling literally everything you write and you are not alone. happy we made it this far... we have to keep going right? x
  14. Wellburtin feels like adderall?

    exactly its just more jittery. Did you switch to a different antidepressant? @EricP thanks for the reply!
  15. Wellburtin feels like adderall?

    nvm i found alot of posts with this information! thanks xx