When does enthusiasm and passion return?

[Andyd2]

Hey all,

I'm 15 months off of 11 years of Adderall use (25 mg XR) and I'm 31 years old. The hardest part of Adderall withdrawal is that I lost key elements of my personality - enthusiasm, curiosity, passion, hustle, and even my hyperactivity (which I took for granted). Does anyone relate with these identity issues? Does it ever return? When did it return for you? Did anything help? So much of my career was formed around these aspects of my personality and it's really been a gut punch to lose them. Would love any and all thoughts! 

Best,

Andy

[SleepyStupid]

hi @Andyd2

first off, 15 months is huge - congrats! i suspect things will continue to passively improve for you through your 2nd year sober, so just keep on keeping on.

i absolutely relate to your sense of an identity crisis. you've just spent the 10 most formative years of your life as a "different" person. Adderall robbed you of your transition into an adult, but thankfully you've already recognized this and taken the first step to reclaiming your life - getting off it.

this next part is more philosophical than practical, but i think it may help with your existential crisis. i'd like to hone in on the word "return" you used a couple of times in your post. that word has a connotation of going backwards - "i want to go back to some state". i'll assume that you don't necessarily mean back to the feeling of Adderall, but perhaps some distant pre-Adderall state, or what you imagine "normal" should be. the problem is, memory is emotional and it is always biased, even more so with a decade on speed. what you want to "return" to may not be real or even exist.

it may be more healthy to think of recovery as charting a path to a "new normal". those things you list that haven't "returned" (enthusiasm, curiosity, etc.) can instead be "re-discovered". it certainly means doing things differently, searching out new interests, discovering new passions, maybe even changing careers. it is worth considering that the best years of your life are actually ahead of you, not behind (: