Reassurance needed

[bellavore]

Hi all, I'm having a rough day and I just need reassurance and encouragement that it's gonna be okay, I guess. This is my fifth day sober. I wasn't really planning to quit this week, but long story short I got the week off work and quit cold turkey starting Wednesday.

I slept through the first two days, but the insomnia kicked in for the last two nights so I haven't been able to stick to any semblance of a schedule. And last night, in addition to the insomnia came intense paranoia and intrusive negative/terrifying thoughts. Yesterday my mood and energy (though not focus) were surprisingly positive, but today I am irritable and trying really hard not to lash out at my undeserving S/O. I cried because the pitcher of tea I brewed two days ago was emptier than I expected it to be earlier today.

I'm so scared I won't be able to put up the facade I need for work tomorrow. What if I can't sleep again tonight? I'm not sure if I'll be able to get any work done tomorrow or not, but my job does allow me to do more physical work if I need to so hopefully that's an advantage. And there's a whole new level of virus-related stress to deal with; work means wearing a mask at all times and a high level of exposure risk. As if trying to manage drug withdrawals weren't stressful enough! I know this has to be normal but I just don't know how I'll be able to cope. (I'm crying just writing this out.) Please help.

[SleepyStupid]

hi @bellavore

congratulations on finally deciding to live your life!

13 hours ago, bellavore said:

I cried because the pitcher of tea I brewed two days ago was emptier than I expected it to be earlier today.

i lol'd a little - not because it's funny necessarily, but i know exactly what this feels like. in a way it's great, no? these are your emotions flooding back. sometimes it can be scary, and other times kind of amusing! but either way, it is a good sign. hopefully your S/O knows what you're going through so you have some support through this?

13 hours ago, bellavore said:

I'm so scared I won't be able to put up the facade I need for work tomorrow.

no doubt it is scary, but mostly when you are thrust into a situation like work or some other public commitment, i have found that it's easier to shuffle through the day than you think. it will not be fun, and it will not go by quickly, but you may be pleasantly surprised that the real world doesn't actually demand as much from you as Adderall does. Adderall often makes us feel like we need to over perform everything. if you have the opportunity to just stick to some low key repetitive work, take advantage of that for sure!

it will definitely get easier over time, but just remember that there's nothing wrong with doing the bare minimum for a while. gl on your first day and let us know how it went (:

[StayTuned]

On 5/3/2020 at 8:26 PM, bellavore said:

I can absolutely relate to this. I will have an entire year off adderall on May 23! In the beginning I would just lay in bed with my dog and cry (I had to take a week off of work serving in a restaurant). It passes!! It isn’t easy but it’s worth it. Now if I see adderall/hear about it, I’m just terrified of it rather than craving it. At my heaviest usage I would take 200+ mg/day sometimes for a couple days in a row. I felt owned by adderall and spent so much on it.. it almost ruined my relationship for sure. 
 

Anyways, quitting is really uncomfortable but it is possible and the other side is very rewarding! I am grateful every day to not be a slave to it. 
 

It makes me feel understood to see that my experience/struggles were not terribly unique. Appreciate you guys.