Stimulation Addiction

[DrewK15]

Hi all, for those that don’t know me I’m a sort of ‘old timer’ on here. Haven’t been around in a while, and I am 3+ years sober. I am in a hard place right now, and it snuck up on me. I am addicted to stimulation, and I think that re-realization has some valuable implications for those of you in the early stages of quitting or those who are considering quitting. 
 

When I first quit Addy, most of my other habits went with it in order for me to be successful. I gave up video games, nicotine, phone games, etc.. I made a point to slow down, read books, meditate, go on long walks, worked out a lot. I healed and recovered the majority of my pre-Addy focus. And I’ve lost it again. I am addicted to a phone game (spent $1000 this year) and YouTube. Probably 4+ hours a day. I work from home and it’s killed my focus and productivity. Everything is way more boring again. It makes me so scatterbrained I haven’t really picked up a book in 6 months. This is how I was on Addy and I hate it. I am moving out of my folks place and getting married in 2 months and I think the stress is getting to me. 
 

Although this isn’t and Addy relapse level crisis, it sucks. And highlights the fact this recovery is about way more than just quitting a drug. Thanks for reading my rant!

[quit-once]

It could be that you just need those distractions in your life at this time.  Does YouTube and that game actually stimulate you or are they just things you would rather be doing because you know how to play the game or entertain yourself on the internet.  I find that I revert to surfing the web for several hours in a day if I don't have a scheduled agenda and a project that want to do and I know how to finish.

I've never been addicted to a game, but I can spend a lot of time surfing and browsing useless things on the Web when I don't feel like doing anything else.  Then I feel guilty for not being productive.

I'm sure it is just a temporary slump you are in right now.  Things are about to get really busy for you in a couple of months!  

[SleepyStupid]

On 8/1/2021 at 12:03 AM, quit-once said:

Does YouTube and that game actually stimulate you or are they just things you would rather be doing because you know how to play the game or entertain yourself on the internet.

@DrewK15

^this is an important question. these things sound more like you're distracting yourself from some unstructured goal or work. most of my work is pretty unstructured, don't really have any hard deadlines and not much managerial oversight. that combined with the new dynamics of WFH, it's a recipe for disaster. I'm back in the office now, but at home my productivity was maybe 60% at best. even at the office I find myself on Reddit for at least a couple of hours a day. that's all to say, I think your productivity challenges are fairly normal.

I've definitely been addicted to videogames in the past, though not in the context of pay-to-play (gacha, loot boxes, etc.). these games are engineered in the same way as social media to exploit and hijack our dopamine pathways. the games are probably worse cause they're more akin to gambling than attention seeking. I have seen some friends get really addicted to games like this, spending thousands of dollars with nothing but regret afterwards. as with any addiction, this is a tough one, but try to focus on the financial side of this - it's easier to quantify the harm it's doing when you can see it on your bank balance. it might also help to understand why succeeding in the game matters so much - is it a status symbol? is it respect amongst your game peers? does it give you some sense of accomplishment you're missing otherwise in life?

that being said, I don't think gaming and YouTubing are necessarily bad hobbies. being a person that routinely spends hours every night either gaming or watching shows, I had to define for myself whether this was "destructive" or not. IMO any hobby can be destructive if it's done to the detriment of other things in life. do I wish I was spending time doing something "more productive"? sure, who doesn't? but I'm also not married and don't have kids - I'm not responsible for/to anyone else. maybe part of the stress in transitioning into married life is coming to terms with behaviors you're afraid to let go of? I have these exact same fears, but I'm optimistic about the power of change and novelty (: