sirod9 Posted August 1, 2021 Report Share Posted August 1, 2021 I just flushed two weeks worth of brand name adderall down the toilet. A part of me feels bad for polluting, but there was no way I could keep myself from taking it tomorrow morning. so today is day zero. I have been addicted to prescribed adderall since September, 2015. Other than 11 months off in 2019, and very small breaks here and there. almost 6 years on it. In that timeframe, I wracked up tens of thousands of dollars in debt and have spent countless hours worrying, counting, obsessing, justifying, shaming and so on, so forth. I've isolated myself from friends and family, damaged work relationships, and hurt a man I truly love because he felt like I was choosing the adderall over him. I've been choosing adderall over myself. I can't make heads or tails of where I stand on anything because I'm always intoxicated. I forget conversations because I'm so zoned out, in my head. It went from helping me listen, to making my symptoms 10 times worse. I was prescribed 90ml a day, but rarely took less than 100 ml a day. There was a period of time (before my 11 month break) where I would sometimes take 200 ml in a day. I just can't do it any longer. I would like to cut ties with my prescribing doctor this week. if anyone has any tips or strategies to effectively end such a relationship, please share. out of all of my relationships, that is the one that needs to end. I will try to document my process on this forum, but it will most likely be sparingly because I will be extra lazy and uninspired. though the adderall killed all inspiration towards the end. I plan on using supplements, diet, and exercise to heal. If anything stands out as particularly helpful, I will share my findings with you all. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted August 1, 2021 Report Share Posted August 1, 2021 Congratulations for making the decision to quit, and Welcome to the forums! We all had a day zero - the first big step of a long process known as Quitting and recovery. I suggest you address the relationship with your doctor ASAP - like tomorrow, before you have a change of heart. You could tell him the truth - that you are addicted and don't ever want to be prescribed stimulants, ever again. Or you could tell him about all the physical and mental side effects this drug gave you, and clearly state that it (adderall) doesn't agree with you anymore. Or you could lie and tell them you have moved away to a different locality. It sounds like you do realize that it is essential to cut the ties with your doctor. Good luck with your Quit and please keep us updated on how your recovery is going. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirod9 Posted August 1, 2021 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2021 Thank you for the support. I'm going to call and let them know the truth. that I am addicted and I cannot be prescribed it any longer. I miss feeling joy. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleepyStupid Posted August 2, 2021 Report Share Posted August 2, 2021 hi @sirod9 cutting off your source (doctor) is honestly one of the hardest parts of this journey, but it speaks volumes about your commitment to quitting. there will be points in your recovery where you are at your weakest, but knowing that you can't just call and get a prescription easily is a HUGE barrier that can mean the difference between success and a relapse. I too missed feeling joy, feeling healthy, feeling emotionally stable, feeling like a real person. all these things will come back to you soon, but in the meantime just accept that you're going to be a lazy blob for a few months. put into place a plan to be said blob (like restructuring work or school) and get the support you need from friends and family. try not to get trapped in a cycle of worry about how you're going to fix all the things you've broken - there's PLENTY of time for that later, your primary goal is to just get through the first few months until your head is more clear. gl please keep us posted (: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirod9 Posted August 3, 2021 Author Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Just woke up from a longgg night of deep sleep. Day three, so my kidneys are sore. this always happens on day three. I'm so glad I flushed it and broke up with my doctor. seriously miss the taste of food and binge watching shows. I welcome my lazy blobness with open arms. Going to go drag my lazy ass to my apartment complex gym and see if exercise helps. You guys are awesome. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleepyStupid Posted August 4, 2021 Report Share Posted August 4, 2021 On 8/3/2021 at 8:54 AM, sirod9 said: Going to go drag my lazy ass to my apartment complex gym and see if exercise helps. it DEFINITELY helps! I wasn't too great with exercising during my recovery, but the few times I did it when I was feeling particularly crappy - it was like a 180 for my mood and energy. this is actually why some people end up getting obsessed with exercise during their recovery, because its one of the few things that is a guaranteed "high" when you're at your lowest (: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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