have tried quitting before and failed- need advice!

[lilabrooks]

Hi! This is my first time posting and I'm hoping that getting involved with the forum will help with quitting. I have been using adderall since my freshman year of college (almost four years now) and have gotten to the point where my tolerance is up so high that I can't get that feeling that made me love it in the first place. I'm not a daily user because I can't keep my script longer than a week or so, but I still haven't had luck quitting. It stopped being fun to get cracked out about a year ago and I've been trying to stay off it since then. Every time I decide I'm on my last dose I can go a week or so without it and then I end up relapsing. It's like my brain just forgets all the reasons not to take it and all I can think about is the high which of course barely lasts an hour if at all.

I went thirty days while abroad in europe without access to it and that's the only time I've been successful at quitting, but the day I got back I rushed to fill my script and was up for 3 days bingeing on it. While I was off for a longer period of time I was able to stick to a daily routine, get my work done, and I never blew off my friends or family to take adderall. It felt amazing. Adderall no longer makes me productive. I get focused on something dumb or waste tons of time planning instead of doing. I also don't sleep so I essentially have a hangover the day after I take it. I'm a zombie and i know people can tell that I abuse it. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice that worked for you with resisting cravings and not giving into temptation? Every time I take it I tell myself it's the last time and I really want to have an actual last time.

PS ripped up my next two scripts and flushed them down the toilet. It felt AWESOME

[ashley6]

lilabrooks,

Your story makes me remember the torturous cycle of adderall abuse. I read your story on the other forum, and it reminded me so much of me. I got my first adderall from my friend at the library while studying for finals, and I thought it was the answer to everything from then on. I had never previously had an addictive personality, but unfortunately, I had found my calling, or so I thought.

I've been off of it for a little over 100 days, and I NEVER thought I could get this far. I wish I had great words of wisdom to help you get through it, but you sound like you have what it takes to stop. You aren't in denial about what adderall is doing to you and your relationships, and I think that's really significant. I decided to stop because I was in misery, and although I was scared to death, I couldn't imagine things being worse off of adderall. I legitimately thought I was going crazy. When I got to the point where I couldn't deal with the craziness anymore, I took a few steps that I think really helped. I was on this site all the time, and I still am. It was/is a godsend. Also, I had to tell my doctor to cut me off. I told him that it was making me anxious, and I think I needed to be taken off of it. I didn't tell him the whole story, but I know my doctor, and if I asked to be taken off, he wouldn't be putting me back on it. I burst into tears when he agreed with me, because it was so sad to kiss my adderall goodbye, and he kind of stared at me confused. I, too, have access to adderall from other people if I want it, so I deleted numbers and removed myself from those situations the best I could. I was in bed constantly for over two weeks, and I let it be okay....don't feel guilty for being lazy, or tired, or sad, or for eating everything in sight. I don't know how you feel about counseling, but it has been really helpful for me having a counselor. She's in recovery herself, so she gets it.

I truly believe that if I can stop, anyone can. You can do it....just be kind to yourself, don't expect too much out of yourself for awhile, and take it a day at a time. You have what it takes I wish you the best.

[ashley6]

I forgot to mention that many people on this site suggested I read up on PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome), so I understand what is going on when I feel like shit. It wasn't an overnight process getting here, and it isn't one getting back, but the good days start becoming more frequent with time...hang in there!

[finding freedom]

All I can say is: GOOD FOR YOU. The fact that you desire to have a good life again and that means quitting adderall then you are on a fantastic road. I just sent you a message as well.

[Greg]

one thing id do is I would read up on what adderall is doing to your brain chemistry when you abuse it - it's kind of really appalling. What is going on with all your neurotransmitters. The idea of needing to go back to a bottle of pills over and over because a persons brain chemistry has adapted to them seems just totally messed up to me...

And keep in mind, the aftershocks of quitting (that is how I describe post acute withdrawal, like earthquake aftershocks, some larger than others and at random) of it are tough as you can see. You need to let your brain chemistry restabalize. And you dont want to have to start from the beginning again.

also, being a frequent poster (although not so of late, have been doing more reading than posting) , I know posting will definitely help your chances of success. Studies have shown that the more you share in NA or AA meetings, the higher your chance of success.in staying clean is. I would say the same rule applies here on the quittingadderall forums.

and congratulations on tearing up the two scripts...but...you know just be careful...my take is that the prescribing doctor is more of a danger to the addict than the script itself...

Anyway, as a first step, why don't you read a couple articles on the site (and do that everyday) and also get one of the books on the list that users have recommended and start reading?

hang in there!

[John256]

Congrats on ripping up those scripts, LBRKS.. Your stronger than I was. If you have the stregnth to do that, I feel like you have the stregnth to drop it altogether. Just like they said above though, tell your doctor your done with it too, make it official.

Also, maybe this is bad advice but I drank lots of coffee as sortof a substitute whenever I got cravings. It feels kindof the same if you don't have a tolerance to caffeine already. So far, if I have a craving and I drink like,...two cups of coffee in a row, the cravings goes away because I feel like I took a pill. Im not sure if this is a good long term solution, but it worked for me in the early weeks. Good luck to you anyway.

[Greg]

I also do that with coffee and am also weary of it. Not sure what everyone else thinks about drinking coffee after quitting? As much as you want? Off limits?

[ashley6]

I'm interested in what people think as well. I'm an avid Red Bull drinker, and my substance abuse counselor told me to be careful with drinking a lot of caffeine, because it's possible for our brains to be triggered by other, even mild, imulants. I think there's a difference between seeking a similar adderall-like buzz and just plain wanting caffeine for a little energy. I personally don't think it's good to look for replacements, so I have to evaluate my motives on why I'm drinking so much caffeine.

[Cassie]

I drink one to two cups of coffee a day. It's enough to wake me up but not too much to where I'd be jittery or anxious. Coffee is fine in moderation and much healthier than an energy drink. Now that I've been off adderall for a while I feel the caffeine boost of my morning coffee so much more. During the first few months nothing helped my lethargy, and too much caffeine made me feel sick.

[highonlife]

Glad I finally found some talk of caffeine haha. It truly does go a long ways without Adderall. I have several thoughts on caffeine and thought I might share.

I feel that if you have absolutely nothing to do for several months while you are quitting Adderall than you might as well kill two birds with one stone and quit caffeine too. But that is usually not the case. If you are like me, you had to continue working hard and continue being productive. Although I had to lower my standards and expect less results, I had to keep chugging along and caffeine got me through the initial stages of quitting.

It also depends on your method of quitting. I quit cold turkey so turning to caffeine was a must. I feel that if you are going to wing yourself off of Adderall you could probably go without caffeine. Caffeine is over the counter for a reason and that is because it doesn't jack everything up like Adderall does. You can screw yourself over on caffeine, but not enough to cause major problems.

I feel that it is important at some point in the recovery process to quit caffeine too. I did a master cleanse when I first quit to empty my body of everything. I have to take the MCAT on the 16th to get into medical school and after that I plan to quit caffeine for three months. I don't think there is anything wrong with coffee and I believe that everything in moderation can be okay. However, I want to be able to do whatever I want whenever I want and I don't want to rely on anything to study. I have a study buddy that can study eight hours a day without caffeine or anything because he never started any of this crap. That's how I would like to be before it is all said in done. But for now coffee keeps me away from that evil pill.