Tom Posted July 30, 2012 Report Share Posted July 30, 2012 Hi. I just found this site and even though none of my friends or family get "it", I don't feel alone anymore. So thanks to the guy who runs this. I have 32 days clean today. For the past 2 years I've been taking about 100+ mg of adderall a day. Sometimes I'd switch to vyvanse, but mainly adderall. I've been addicted to all kinds of shit in my life. Really bad stuff I don't want to talk about, stuff worse than adderall but nothing in the past five years except for adderalls. And pot. For me adderall without pot was murder, torture. So i never let it happen. I've found that in order to quit adderall, I need to quit pot too. For me, quitting pot presents a serious challenge too. The adderall is harder, but I guess I was just wondering if I there was anybody else out there dealing with cross addictions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted July 30, 2012 Report Share Posted July 30, 2012 I want to say congrats for you and those 32 days. Each day is a big accomplishment, so kudos. I've never been addicted to anything in my life besides adderall, but all of the years I was on it, I was also prescribed klonopin. I pretty much know for a fact that I couldn't have abused the adderall like I did, 100 mg or so a day at the end, as well, without the klonopin. I couldn't have possibly dealt with the highs and lows without klonopin to mellow me out, so I could at least sleep some and not constantly be in paranoia mode. I've wondered how people could abuse adderall like us, and not have something to calm them down. I don't have a lot of advice, because I'm still trying to sort out the klonopin issue, after being clean of adderall over 3 months. I have a desire to stop taking klonopin, because I don't view myself as an addict with klonopin like I was with adderall. I don't enjoy it or get any sort of buzz from it, I'm now just physically dependent and have legitimate anxiety. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to get some advice on it, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone with the cross addictions....hang in there! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ms.sassy.kara Posted July 30, 2012 Report Share Posted July 30, 2012 Congratulations! on being 32 (now 33) days clean! A doc also tried to put me on vyvanse but it wasn't affecting me as well as Adderall did, so I didn't like it. Keep up the good work. And great job on being drug free! I would also like to give a shout-out to the guy who made this site. it has helped me so much 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted August 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2012 @Ashley: I loved taking Klonnipon as well. Xanax was okay but Klonnipon combined with adderall was awesome. I just could never convince my psychiatrist to give me Klonnipon, always Xanax. But I'm a really sick kind of addict - and my psychiatrist knew it. I started thus habit of pulling my hair out in different places. The bald spots were HUGE. My boss let me wear a hat at work. Didn't stop e though. Only a heavy dose of Klonnipon would slow the hair ripping down. For myself, I found that when I drink, smoke pot, Xanax, Klonnipon, really anything - I crave adderall so bad, nothing will stop me from getting more. So I've had to shut them all down permanently. And trust me, I'm an anxiety nut. I originally went o a psychiatrist because my anxiety was so bad I wanted something to help. He gave me adderall....??? Basically, if you are going to deal with all the hardship caused by adderall withdrawal, hy not buck the Klonny dependence as well. Whenever I've been in rehab (6 of them), the meanest and most fucked up fellow "inmates" are the benzo people. I feel really really bad for them. Don't stay hooked! Best of luck! Thanks for the kind response! @Sassy: thanks for writing. I feel really alone and worthless. I have 4 kids under the age of six and quitting adderall is so important to me. But like I've learned on this website, I have to take a few steps backward before I can take a step forward. I'm lucky my wife is super encouraging. Best of Luck Girl! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted August 1, 2012 Report Share Posted August 1, 2012 Tom, My goal is to wean myself off of the klonopin eventually, but I have pretty serious anxiety and depression, which was exacerbated greatly with adderall, but it's still there. I've gotten a couple professional opinions on what I should do regarding klonopin, and I got put on Lexapro yesterday. My plan now is to let the Lexapro become effective, and hopefully the anxiety will be more under control. I don't abuse klonopin and am on a very low dosage, but I still know it will be a bitch to get off of....thanks for your input. My goal for now is to stay off the adderall one day at a time. I let it truly screw my life up and am picking up the pieces. I wish you the best! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted August 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 3, 2012 Word Ash, I only know my own head you know...and mine is crazy when it comes to addiction. As far as the addies - sheeeet. I'm glad we have each other to talk to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted August 3, 2012 Report Share Posted August 3, 2012 My head is a craaaazy place too.....one day at a time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amphetamindfulness Posted August 3, 2012 Report Share Posted August 3, 2012 I can definitely relate. I've been a polysubstance abuser for years now. Its tough... but you've taken a great step in realizing that it may do no good to just quit one thing, while still using the other as a crutch. Ultimate freedom from substances controlling you is going to feel great. I wish you luck. I am going through the same thing.. but only a few days sober. Keep in touch with us here 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freedom's Wings Posted August 16, 2012 Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 ah..yes I was once prescribed Klonopin for anxiety after the whole adderall bug took hold . I didnt take it for long tho. Has anyone tried taking low dosages of melatonin to aid with sleeping? You can buy it for pretty cheap at the local Walgreens, Riteaid, etc... it totally works for me and I was once on some pretty heavy duty sleeping aids...ie seraquil. I no longer take that and the transition was pretty easy too. Now I only take 10mg or less of melatonin before bed and I have been sleeping like a baby for the last month and a half... Anywhoo hope this helps...someone, anyone lol. FW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rahul Posted August 17, 2012 Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 Took adderall during the day, got my shit done drank beer, smoked weed, and took either xanex or klonopin to come down and it was awesome back in those days but I kept oversleeping and being late to work. This led to much tension between me and my boss. Thank goodness it was real hard for me to get my hands on anti depressants otherwise I would be addicted. I always felt that if I quit adderall I would be able to easily quit both drugs and alcohol. So far it's working for me and I hope you are doing well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted August 21, 2012 Report Share Posted August 21, 2012 I got my klonopin yesterday, just waiting for my anti-anxiety medication to start helping. They gave me a different brand than I've ever had before, and it looks straight up like adderall. I tried to go back to the pharmacy to get a different brand, because it's amazing what a pill that even looks like adderall can do. I'm going back to insist they give me something else, because I don't want a trigger, even if they think I'm crazy. I double-checked it wasn't adderall before I took it, so I didn't fall into an accidental relapse. I was so happy when I initially thought it was adderall, and my first reaction was, "I'm taking this back right now!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted August 21, 2012 Report Share Posted August 21, 2012 Ashley, I'm really glad to hear that you are terrified of adderall. That's a great position to be in in recovery--. And to stay in forever. It really is poison. I would also be freaked out to take anything that looked like adderall. And, honestly, even looking at pictures of adderall makes me feel awful. On two separate occasions, I found adderall, and I was like freaked out when i saw it, lol..and disposed of it immediately..also, you might have some dreams where you freak out because you think you took it by accident in your dream and then wake up. This is a good place to be in - it's being hyper-adderall-vigilent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 I'm definitely terrified of adderall. I thought it was a bad thing, but my counselor said when you get cocky and overly confident about it is when it's not good. Ohhhh, I've had the adderall dreams too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 totally, that makes a lot of sense. also i have heard scary stories of people relapsing after 7 years. or 10 years!!! And it makes no sense. a moment of weakness? addiction is a mysterious thing. It just shows its never smart to let your guard down when dealing with something like this. while the longer we are away from it we are more and more safe, but are we ever 100% safe? don't mean to scare you or anyone else reading this, but i think this is probably a good kind of scared to be!! right? this is probably the hardest thing i've ever done in my life - i couldn't relapse and have to do it all over again. especially the PAWS part, ahh... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 My counselor and I discussed addiction as a disease today, and I'm not one who necessarily believes that for everyone, but I know I'm always powerless over adderall....always. It is crazy to think that we're never really "in the clear" when it comes to the potential for relapse. I agree 100% with keeping our guard up. The statistics show that after a year of recovery, rates dramatically drop for relapse, so good for you, but it is nuts to think about years down the road there being even a chance of relapse. I think that's why AA reiterates the whole powerlessness thing over and over and over again. It is the hardest thing I've ever done as well and PAWS is a real bitch. I take so much pride in these 4 months, because I NEVER thought it would be possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 PAWS is so evil. Adderall needs to put this on the warning label - "continued abuse of adderall will cause you to have to live with the discomfort of PAWS once you wake up to reality and quit"... As quit-once mentioned, everyone's recovery is different, but I have unfortunately accepted that PAWS for me is going to last longer than the average statistics. And I'm finally at least trying to move on with my life in spite of the discomfort of PAWS. but one more reason i have to never take adderall is that i would never want to take anything that would potentially prolong PAWS even longer than it has persisted. 4 months is AWESOME. you should feel really, really proud of yourself. I still remember when you first came on these boards and was worried about letting your doctor know about your problem. (AND YOU WERE ABLE TO CUT YOURSELF OFF) You've come so far since then!!! keep up the hate for adderall. hating adderall, makes the adderall addict stronger!. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted September 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2012 Hi. I've been clean from pot and adderall now since July 26th. (and of course everything else). So like 2.5 months. It's the longest I've been clean in 12 years. I used adderall in massive quantities via two doctors and always, ALWAYS, smoked pot all throughout the day. I worked in the loop in downtown Chicago and literally smoke breaks for me were actually Pot breaks. I loved walking down by the Chicago river and working from my Ipad alongside the bums, sharing my Pot. I was so lonely and lost, they were my only friends. Today is a miracle and I'm working my ass off to make sure it stays that way. I got a new job (new location), new phone, and I go to church every morning. My mind is starting to work again (at about month 2) Sometimes I miss the intense focus adderall provided. And the confidence. Especially since I'm in sales, but I believe in myself and think I can succeed without it. It's different, that's for sure. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who takes the time to post on this site. Without a doubt, it plays a big role in my continued recovery. God Bless you all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted September 19, 2012 Report Share Posted September 19, 2012 Tom, Wow. Congratulations! This is a huge accomplishment. It's a journey for sure. Keep us posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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