Evie25 Posted October 24, 2012 Report Share Posted October 24, 2012 I'm 5 months clean, but lately feel SO discouraged. I thought my motivation would come back by now, but I am so apathetic, empty, don't have interest in anything. I go to work, come home, and then just zone out. I get some exercise biking to and from work, but lately I don't see a point to do more than that. I'm disgusted with myself, and don't know what to do. I know being on addy is no way to live, but if this continues, is this a way to live either? Should I just force myself to do stuff, instead of waiting until the motivation to come back? I can focus at work if I have a deadline ,so I wonder if my inability to work is all in my head sometimes. I know there are a lot of you going through similar feelings, so just am hoping for some advice. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted October 24, 2012 Report Share Posted October 24, 2012 I felt like that at 5 months too. The anhedonia and apathy definitely blow. I'm just seeing some natural motivation and interests come back now, at 10 months. It sure feels good. There's not much you can do about it besides wait it out. Motivation isn't something you can force. Just do things you feel like doing for now, even if it's watching tv all the time. Eventually your brain is going to want to move on to something else. All in due time, my friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted October 24, 2012 Report Share Posted October 24, 2012 read some good positive books to get your mind on a better track!! It's so important to not wallow in our own shit, just quitting isn't the solution, that's a dry drunk, everything stays the same but the liquor.... you have to find new ways of thinking, new tools to use to check yourself so you're not spiraling down into a cesspool of self destructive thought... I just read "As A Man Thinketh" by James Allen, it's great for setting your mind straight and showing how positive thinking helps to create a better life. Also, Wallace D. Wattles series "the Science of Getting Rich, Being Well, Being Great..." is a good read. I can recommend a ton more, I find I do really well with positive literature. Also, I like Buddhism and books about Buddhism for helping me feel better.... Its not a religion, there are no gods or things to warship, its about finding it within... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evie25 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 I felt like that at 5 months too. The anhedonia and apathy definitely blow. I'm just seeing some natural motivation and interests come back now, at 10 months. It sure feels good. There's not much you can do about it besides wait it out. Motivation isn't something you can force. Just do things you feel like doing for now, even if it's watching tv all the time. Eventually your brain is going to want to move on to something else. All in due time, my friend. Thanks, I think it's reassuring to hear that other people feel like this 5 months along. Some days are ok, but other days really do blow. I feel guilty about watching TV when I come home from work. But lately that's just how I feel. So you just waited until your natural motivation came back? Didn't force it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 I read a ton of self help books while quitting (and before), but I have to say none of that stuff has ever worked for me, especially the positive thinking arena. Trying to buoy my thoughts or pretending to feel differently from how I really feel just feels so fake and tedious. And it's too superficial for the long term. I'd rather work on solving my deeper problems and create a more stable foundation so that positive feelings can naturally flow out of that. And may I ask, what's so bad about wallowing when you're going through a tough change? Maybe it's a necessary period some of us go through in order to come out stronger on the other side. Evie, everyone's recovery process is different, so do what feels right and not what you think you should be doing. You will save yourself a lot of heartache and internal conflict this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 So you just waited until your natural motivation came back? Didn't force it? Well, I did the stuff I had to do, like go to work (the motivation there being paying my bills and not being homeless), but I didn't force myself to go out and be social if I didn't feel like it, or do non-work projects if I didn't feel like it. The one thing I did not slack on was my diet because I feel like crap if I eat bad, so that doesn't feel forced to me. I always was a healthy eater. Same with exercise. I walked or did yoga every day because it made me feel better. Even if I just walked for 10 minutes. Exercise, diet and time. Those are the only things you can count on to help you recover. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 Evie25 Evie Baby give me some of that money you spent on the self help books . Man there’s a dime a dozen out there everyone has the magic bullet to total wellbeing. I’m not even close to 5 or 6 mounts so I really cant say how I will feel at that point .What I can say is buy my book its 99 cents And I will give you 2 cents worth of wisdom jest a joke baby I’m not series .Now let me get a little more series now A little conmen scents goes a long way. Cassie made some good sense Exercise and diet fruit and vegetables will give you all the energy you need breakfast and lunch and have one good meal a day for dinner . Our great mother Earth provides us with every thing we need to sustain life her one earth we have natural medication and in the forests we have vegetation like fruits and vegetables .You will be so amassed if you drink a fruit and vegetable shake from a blender 2 times a day how much energy you will have natural energy I can tell you this from my experience you will be a little hungry the first 2 or 3 days butt then you will feel that kick of energy come in like a frikin race hours at the stretch . Try my formula for one week it’s a guarantee . As far as exercising boy I hate that word it makes me tierd jest saying exercise butt it’s a fact baby exercise does kick in thus natural endorphins and makes you fell great after you stop. I hike in the forest preserves trails 3 miles a day at least I us to I will start again like ASAP. Your exercise dos not need to be strenuous you are not going for a gold metal something mild even walking 30 minuet’s a day at a contrivable pace jest to get your pulse rate up a little and get the blood circulating throughout your body look at it this way if your car sits in a parking lot for a month without starting the engine up the fuel gets stagnant and it will take that engine 10 minutes to worm up and get the fresh fuel up into the carburetor get my point the body works the same way our blood is our fuel and it must be fresh and clean to do its job. You see now if only had 99 cents for a little paragraph like this one. I would be in good shape finically and I would buy a plain ticket for all our members to fly to Chicago and I would buy every one a fruit and veggie smooth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 What a great discussion thread. I don't know if I have anything new to offer but I can say I agree with most of the content on this thread. Evie, you can't force yourself to do things you are not ready to do yet. Look at your recovery time as paying your dues to your addiction. Most "dues" are paid up front but this addiction collects its dues on the back end. And the dues are not paid in money but in recovery time. Or maybe it helps to look at your anhedonia as a debt to yourself and your recovery period is how you pay off this debt. That in itself should be a good movitator for avoiding a relapse. Anybody who persues an adderall addiction is mortgaging their future. You are now in the stage I call the "middle recovery period". It is the longest stretch of time in the three stages of recovery (according to quit-once anyway). My middle recovery started around three months and lasted until about nine months post-adderall. It was a pretty noticible transformation on a pretty quick time frame, considering the overall slow pace of recovery in general. And I still have "those days" or more commonly "those moments" that remind me that I am still in the later stages of adderall addiction recovery and it has been more that 500 days since my last pill. But the good news is: I feel 99% completely recovered, I don't feel like I fried any neurons; my pre-adderall personality has returned after ten years (although wiser and more mature); and I am not fat anymore. I am motivated and excited about life and I am ready to tackle new challenges and seek new opportunities. Recovery is a long, slow, and painful process. It is a period of growth and you will emerge a stronger, smarter and better person for having conquered your addiction and paid your dues of recovery. Just don't try to force it's pace or results. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 quit-once Great rebuttal I like the way you put it its good to hear from you my old friend peice. FALCON Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 We're not reinventing the wheel here. Humility, listening more than talking, hearing what people with experience have to say as they've traveled the roads we're on.... I'm pretty sure sitting in a cesspool of our own stinking thoughts is the worst place to be. No one anywhere has ever espoused that as the solution. It may have a place in recovery, as the beginning of upward movement, but no, it shouldn't be a resting place. This is a place to come and get and give support, as we're all going thru similar trials and tribulations- they're not the same and they're not equal, but we all have traveled down a long road that we need to retread and get back to a good place again. We can't think we can do it alone, we can try, maybe we'll make it, but the idea is to be BETTER than we were before, not the same just not taking adderall. I'm gonna leave this here, its instrumental until about 6:35, then the lyrics come in. I challenge any of you to take 12 minutes and actually listen to it... this is a you tube link: http://youtu.be/UGGVy4RkUs0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evie25 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 Trying to buoy my thoughts or pretending to feel differently from how I really feel just feels so fake and tedious. Cassie, This is exactly how I feel about self help books. I have at least a few sitting on my shelf that therapists advised I read. But they have never done much for me, and when I read them they always end up feeling like pages and pages of instructions on how to force myself to feel better. This isn't to say I shouldn't take actions to better myself, but the self help route has always felt very superficial to me too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evie25 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 Well, I did the stuff I had to do, like go to work (the motivation there being paying my bills and not being homeless), but I didn't force myself to go out and be social if I didn't feel like it, or do non-work projects if I didn't feel like it. The one thing I did not slack on was my diet because I feel like crap if I eat bad, so that doesn't feel forced to me. I always was a healthy eater. Same with exercise. I walked or did yoga every day because it made me feel better. Even if I just walked for 10 minutes. Exercise, diet and time. Those are the only things you can count on to help you recover. Cassie, Thank you for pointing out the obvious, with the exercise thing. Exercise and healthy eating has always been very important to me and lately I've kinda let that slide. I don't think I'll ever feel good without those things, so I have to make sure that if nothing else right now, at least I exercise after work and eat healthfully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evie25 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 Most "dues" are paid up front but this addiction collects its dues on the back end. And the dues are not paid in money but in recovery time. Quit-once, Wow, this is such a great way of looking at it. I never thought of it this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evie25 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 I'm pretty sure sitting in a cesspool of our own stinking thoughts is the worst place to be. No one anywhere has ever espoused that as the solution. So very true. Thanks for posting the video, listened to the whole thing and liked it very much. Both the intro when the lyrics come in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 Also, I like Buddhism and books about Buddhism for helping me feel better.... Its not a religion, there are no gods or things to warship, its about finding it within... Do you like Alan Watts? I think he was the absolute best writer on the subject. His intellect is just beyond compare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 Sky You sound much better then the other night you are wrighting more clearly and you are making sense . Keep up the good work my brother its about 5 or 6 days for you your almost don crashing hang in the bro. I’m proud of your progress your friend FALCON Song for you old school rock SWEAT JANE by LOU REED on TRANSFORM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 Cassie I'm gonna check out Alan Watts, in all my years somehow I have not come across him!?!?! Checked out Wikipedia, I'll do more exploring, probably buy a book on amazon........ thanks for turning me on to him, seems right up my alley.... Falcon, yeah I write stream of consciousness sometimes, sorry if its hard to follow, makes sense to me, probably why the addy helped at first.... anyhoo, that's how it comes out and I'm not editing and going back to it, just writing... Today was my first real test and I passed-- woke up at 3frikkin45, barely slept at all (who can fall asleep at 10:30?!) worked and it felt good. Felt better than when I was high on addys, I was present, I was pleasant, I felt my groove. This definitely would have been the type of early morning gig that I'd want a handful, but I took none, and it went well. I was actually hungry! I was actually thinking about how great it would feel to be done, be back home, eat, and then get the fuck back into bed! I think I need to start going to the gym in the morning, I just can't fall asleep easily when I go in the evenings, which is always. And yeah, cardio definitely helps, eating well (I've been eating 99% vegan, just love cheese too much... So I now know it can be done, and it actually felt better, was easy, I'm tired as hell, but a nap sounds like something I won't feel any guilt about. But the nice thing was to experience life outside my house sober, and people responded positively- people I was working with were happy, appreciative, gracious, and I felt that they mirrored my more positive "vibes" or whatever I was exuding... pure raw sexuality? haha, sorry, I'm tired.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted October 26, 2012 Report Share Posted October 26, 2012 Cool, definitely check out some books/lectures. For Eastern philosophy, Alan Watts is where it's at. I'm a librarian so I would not steer you wrong in this area Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted October 26, 2012 Report Share Posted October 26, 2012 SKY you sound fantastic very up beet and full of life you go brother. I can even understand what the fuck your Writhing about great job. You do get very hungry after quitting adderall. I also have a hard time getting to sleep get some cammamel tea and kava kava tea one bag each in a cop microwave 2 minutes put a plate on top of the cup to keep the steam in let it sit 10miuts squeeze out all that good juices from the tea bags you will sleep like you jest got layed these teas have a very coming affect they have a mild sedative effect and will calm your ass down. Keep it up you make me proud of your progress.Song for you. SUN IS SHINING by BOB MARLEY Your friend FALCAN http://youtu.be/957ndoskq9M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted October 26, 2012 Report Share Posted October 26, 2012 hahahhahaha I'm gonna get some of that tea for sure!!! thanks for the tip. Cassie nice! I'm gonna read up on him more tonight... I'll let you know what I think!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evie25 Posted October 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 26, 2012 Falcon, <p>Thanks for your advice.I went to%2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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