I'm ready to stop thinking about it

[Kyle_Chaos]

I find that even though I quit months ago, I still obsess and think about Adderall constantly. I'm sure many of you have had this same issue, I still hold myself to that high standard of thinking and everything that I experienced on Adderall..

It's ALL the time, when I'm at work..on dates, having sex (because sex is better on adderall) and especially when I take Jack3d and run a few miles. ahhh!

I'm hoping that when I'm a year clean or so I won't think about it as often.

I'm ready for this psychological addiction to end, any tips?

[Cassie]

The obsessive Adderall thoughts really suck, but they do subside eventually. I obsessed about it like that for about the first 6 months. After that I didn't think about it constantly anymore. It was also around the same time I stopped counting the days I'd been clean. Now that I'm almost a year sober, I have to look up my clean time, like, how many months has it been now? There's not much you can do, unfortunately. Trying to suppress your thoughts only makes them stronger, that's kind of a rule of nature. I generally still think about Adderall at some point every day, but the way I think about it now is so different. It's more of a fleeting thought, with no emotional attachment. I guess what I'm saying is that over time, you'll go from "Adderall..AAAAGHGHGH NOOOO GOD DAMNIT SHUT THE F*$% UP!!!!" to "Adderall....meh."

I feel for you man.

[jennablu]

I hear you ~ I felt that way too 'I'll never be funny without add, i'll never be creative, I'll never be charming, I can't do my job, people won't like me, nobody will want to date me' etc. etc. My biggest fear was that I wouldn't be funny or creative again - ever.

I read somewhere to just keep moving and eventually feeling would come back! That is what I did at first ~ just moved ~ then that turned into moving with intent ~ then intent turned into more work and meaningful relationships! It is hard sometimes when we compare what we did when we were 'good' on add to our new 'normal' selfs - but think about what we did when we were 'bad' on add ~ I know I did some shitty things!

I really do think everything gets back to normal - and maybe even better then when you were on adds. I feel like I am more of a whole person now, someone capable of real relationships! I knew I just had to let it go - i knew that I would be a different person off of add then on add ~ and I'm actually finding out I like the person I am becoming! Crazy huh!

I wish you luck in your journey!!

Jenna

[ashley6]

Ughh...I know. It's exhausting sometimes. It's the first thing I think about in the morning, and it pops in my head while doing most things. I can slowly see it improving, though. I think it's unfortunately a normal part of addiction. I did everything while on adderall, so my brain ties everything I do to it. With time, I think being off of adderall will become the new normal, but might be something we always think about, in passing. I hope so anyway.

[sky]

hahaha ahhh Jack3d.... I used to take that, now I use Cellulor C4 Extreme... next time you're supposed to get off the Jack'd, check that out... I like it better, haven't gone back to the Jack'd since. Still get all the benefits of the Jack, same Jack itch, but I like it better.... great workouts. When I was taking addy and going to the gym I actually used to worry about having a heart attack on the elliptical. haha, oh the shit we do that seems normal. No tips though, dunno how it is that the addy doesn't call to me. I STILL have the same 5 pills I spilled out on my bathroom counter sitting in the upturned top of the bottle... it's there, I see it, doesn't call to me. I am DAMN grateful for that. and I am SURE life is better now than it was 3 weeks ago, maybe it's more than just stopping, maybe we all have to add something back into our lives that creates a new day. Like the old AA credo or whatever, you can't just stop drinking, then you're just a dry drunk, you have to change from within. For me, it was SEEING that life is better now than before. I would be INSANE to go back to the addy and weed and give up what I have now... I met the most AMAZINGLY PERFECT person I have ever met.... work is better, I feel connected, I feel funny, I feel like someone I LIKE again, not just a shell who'd look at himself in the mirror and think UGH, what the fuck happened to you??

Maybe that is the trick, demonizing it. Seeing not as something you're giving up, but seeing that it caused damage, caused loss, caused stagnation. Seeing the addy not as something that aided and helped, but as something that was abused and wrought wreckage. It has to be a process. But I think replacing that with something new, some new way of seeing yourself and your new life helps break the shackles. And like the gym, it has to be done daily, otherwise you get lackadaisical and are soon easily swayed.... Life is frikkin beautiful. Break the chains that bind. Fight the powers that be.

I love that we can embed videos... This one, hardly appropriate but as I was typing that last bit, came into my head, so what the hell::::

http://youtu.be/8PaoLy7PHwk

[jennablu]

You know what I think is interesting ~ pretty much EVERY PERSON on this board has mentioned that they were afraid of their sense of humor not coming back ~ just thought that was interesting! I guess we are all funny

Sky, love your video 1989 ~ ha ;-) I thought I was the only one that will be talking to someone then just bust into song (random songs that nobody has ever heard)

[quit-once]

Constantly thinking about adderall is just part of the recovery process. There were certain things I really enjoyed doing while high on adderall so when Friday nights (or the holiday season or certain friends) came around the adderall thoughts were obsessive. Annoyingly obsessive. But I read several posts that dealt with people's adderall thoughts so I understood it was just part of the process. I was addicted to nicotine for most of my adult life and I didn't think about ciggies nearly as often as I thought about adderall. Adderall is a psychostimulant so maybe it builds up in your brain and it takes a while to finally leave those thoughts behind. I thought about the shit for nine long months after I quit. In fact, the cessation of adderall thoughts was a defining period in winding down the recovery process and I felt like I could finally move on. I agree with Cassie: the thoughts are still there at some point every day, but they are no longer annoying - for me it is just amusing that i still think about it at all.

Sky, you seem to be dealing with it well by demonizing the person adderall made you become while you were an addict. In my case, I remain grateful for my adderall experience and for the things it helped me to accomplish and deal with during the toughest time of my life. I was the caregiver for my mom in her late 80's who lived in another state so I had to be superman every weekend and not get overwhelmed by depression caused by the reality that she was frail, old, and slowly dieing. At the time, I believed adderall was essential to getting it all done. Now, I think I could have done it all just fine without speed, but I still have NO REGRETS because I did the best job I could helping Mom get through her old age.