I thought I was strong.... I was wrong. I "feel" like I am dying. The long slow taper begins.

[lostlady]

Hello fellow sufferers and success storytellers,

Day 1 Taper after extremely unsuccessful cold turkey attempt.  May 21, 2022

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I don't want to bore anyone with common story lines, but I guess some parts are inevitable.  I've gone through hundreds of hours of seminars, and research (not Dr. Google), I have come across a couple things that might be helpful for others, as I hope I will find help for myself here.  I literally feel like a AM dying today.   I had to make a choice, and I hate it.

Decades of being treated for depression and anxiety with meds and therapy, and then the arduous process of researching ALL of my medical and hospital records, I now believe there are very very few doctors who give a crap about your illness and only want to treat symptoms. 

I found two major problems that were present in my lab work and scans for YEARS, that the docs either never bothered to review even though that was the purpose of my visit, or really just wanted the money and didn't care if I came back.

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To the few good doctors out there, Thank you, continue to do great work and do no harm.

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Quick background:  I was an alcoholic - quit cold turkey successfully with therapy - not 12 steps - never started again, and smoked cigarettes - quit cold turkey successfully never started again.  I'm not patting myself on the back now, although I did then.  Yea for me.. so I figured... I can do this too.  Now instead of patting myself on the back I am kicking myself in the ass.

Here I am again, time to quit another addiction.

How much harder could Adderall be? After all, it was prescribed, and the doc even told me I'd just be really tired for a while if I just quit cold turkey.  In his defense, he did not know i was abusing them.  After all, why cut off my supply, just in case.

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I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG?!   I kept telling myself I could do it, just hold out another day, another week...  a little longer....   I'd done it before... I can do this.

A few weeks have passed, and instead of becoming tolerable, It became worse.  I was about to lose EVERYTHING. You can't safely detox off amphetamines cold turkey, there is no hospital or rehab that treats a problem like this when you have co-morbidities (addiction and mental illness).  In the past, I tried nootropics, the nasal inhaler I wont mention by name here since I'm not up on all the rules yet,  energy drinks, etc...  they'd usually get me thru to the next refill, but not easily. Then as most of us experience, that refill comes and is gone in a few days.  Let the suffering begin, again!!

So I've begun a taper, dispensed by my husband.  I hate tapers.  I want instant gratification.  After several weeks of being off the meds, I was looking forward to starting the new lowered dosage for a little relief.  Instead, I feel sick/nauseous, defeated, and stupid.  Smart Drug they call it?!?!?!?

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I can barely handle this little bit of typing.   I'll check back in, but for those of who who may not know the following interesting tidbits... I hope they help you.

• Medicating with anti-depressants alone, lowers your dopamine. You have to treat serotonin and dopamine at the same time.
• Low Carb Diets, which we all try to desperately lose the weight gained, suck the dopamine right out of your head. Feels good losing weight but not at that price.
• If you have been depressed and negative most of your life, you can re-structure your neural pathways.  Instead of taking the road or thought most common or easily traveled, you can change the path and it can become 2nd nature.   
• Yes, and I know most of us know this, Exercise helps tremendously, releases those feel good chemicals.
• Healthy eating, normal sleep and self-care will make you feel better.

Some of those tips, are well known, and sometimes seem too simple to possibly work, but ya have to share anything that might help, right?

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Please, correct me if you know differently, I'm open to any constructive and positive ideas.

Thanks for giving me a place to share.

 

 

 

 

[lostlady]

Hi All, day 2 of restarting XR addy and I feel like crap.   

I keep seeing people mention L-Tyrosine, has it really helped?

I reread my post and I have to laugh at myself because with all that I have learned, and all that I know and don't know, I still haven't made any positive moves in the right direction.

I'm not even sure how to start. I mean signing up here was step 1 I guess.....   

I'm still exhausted, it's so hard to do chores, figure out what to wear, get out of bed.... pretend everything is just fine at work.   Brains are very evil when you do bad things to them, I know I deserve this pain.  

I would usually drink a lot of energy drinks to get the energy up to work out or do chores, but it doesn't seem to work when you have Addy in your system, has anyone else had this problem?  I'm so tired.

 

[quit-once]

Welcome to the forum.  I couldn't taper so it was cold turkey for me.   During my first year of recovery, I found L-tyrosine to be a useful supplement.  Also, energy drinks (red bull) and any non-drug energy pills helped me get through the cravings for a boost of energy.  I used an herbal capsacain supplement from GNC.    Come back and post every day if it helps you through your quit.  It will certainly help others to share your struggles and successes.  

[DelaneyJuliette]

Keep posting here!  Its a long process to regain a sense of balance.   I printed out the stuff from the front of this forum to remind myself how long it takes.  It will get better!  But slooowly.  PAWS is real.

[GettingOffOfIt]

On 5/22/2022 at 1:18 PM, lostlady said:

Hi All, day 2 of restarting XR addy and I feel like crap.   

I keep seeing people mention L-Tyrosine, has it really helped?

I reread my post and I have to laugh at myself because with all that I have learned, and all that I know and don't know, I still haven't made any positive moves in the right direction.

I'm not even sure how to start. I mean signing up here was step 1 I guess.....   

I'm still exhausted, it's so hard to do chores, figure out what to wear, get out of bed.... pretend everything is just fine at work.   Brains are very evil when you do bad things to them, I know I deserve this pain.  

I would usually drink a lot of energy drinks to get the energy up to work out or do chores, but it doesn't seem to work when you have Addy in your system, has anyone else had this problem?  I'm so tired.

 

L-Tryosine has helped me a lot and I’m on month 4.  However,  I don’t think anything will help during the first week or two.  Just gotta get through the withdrawals and then there is some stuff can help you get by when you’re brain is healing.  

[AlessandraAddy]

When you say medicating with antidepressants alone lowers dopamine, how do you make sure to treat for serotonin as well?